Marriage Proposal question

[nursejenn]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

Ninjacurt nailed it!

[ShockValue]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

Agreed. Buy a new ring.

Maybe give her your Mom's ring on your 25 anniversary!

[nursejenn]

Give her an engagement ring now. One of your choosing or hers or both. Then, after you are engaged have a talk with her about wedding rings. Ask how she would feel about using your Mom's or if she would like her own. If she wants to use Mom's ring then tell her about your Dad wishing for it back should anything happen.

Greg also has a good idea

[Mayhem]

Don't use the ring.

[BrianL]

Even IF you had it signed (bad idea to me), the "I lost it" or "I threw it out the window" could still be an issue. In a divorce, I have seen good people do dumb things out of hurt.

If ring is that important to your family, don't use it. If it got lost, the family could still have some resentment towards her. Best for her to have her OWN ring. IMO.

[npe001]

I would never start it out like that! It is going to put tension between you and her if you see it or not, it will. Don't start it all off on a negative conversation

[elkaholic9292]

I bought my wife a stone online from uniondiamond.com and had them put it in a simple solitaire ring (cheap), then told her the stone was the symbol, and she could pick out whatever setting she wanted to make it hers. Uniondiamond was great, and I highly recommend doing it the way I did. Got a lot more stone for my money.

[ny bowhunter]

I agree with most that you shouldn't give a ring to your future bride under such conditions.

Having said that, I'm curious to what you're mother would think about doing that? Do you think she'd be happy with such a decision?

I ask because your intent is to include your mom in this process via the ring. I get the feeling you were brought up well (which is why you're asking for advice and trying to honor your living family's wishes) and kinda doubt your mom would approve. Most women wouldn't. I think your dad and brother are too close to the situation to make a good decision here.

[Sleepy]

I really appreciate all the input here and it definitely has my wheels turning. Let me add here on the actual scenario.

We've been talking about marriage for a while now, and I've had it planned to ask her to marry me at the end of the year anyhow. HOWEVER, God has blessed us with a child a little sooner than we had planned. We've got doctor visits coming up soon and in order for my insurance to cover her, we have to be married. Long story short, I havn't got my year end bonus yet, so my funds are a little short to go buy a ring in the next week or 2. Using my mothers ring was something that my dad brought up to help me out. I've also planned on getting her another ring in the spring/summer when we plan to do a small ceremony. For now, it will be a JP thing, to get it all legalized. I know she's not the kind of woman that would ever keep the ring were something to ever happen. She's too soft hearted and has too much respect for people, regardless of the situation. I've seen it time and time again, and have even asked her, "why are you not mad at that person?!".

Anyway, just thought I'd throw in some more details. I don't want to have to ask her to sign anything because I trust her, I trust our relationship, and both of us would fight to the death before a divorce was ever an option.

[Matt_C]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

I'm absolutely in agreement with Curt on this.

[Tmag]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

I agree with Curt.

In light of your second comment on reason for the ring, then use it as "something borrowed" in the wedding until you can buy your new bride a ring of her choice.

[Atfulldraw]

Don't listen to these people who have only been married once

They have no experience....

[TexasCanesFan]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

Totally agree.

Start your own memories by giving her "her" own ring. Not someone else no matter how special the other person was.

[Robert]

You are asking advise from a group of people that see Black Panthers, can't tell if they shoot a buck or not, think Yeti coolers make ice, can't figure out what kind of snake or plant they are look at is. They can't guess the weight of a hog or what a deer might score. And the list goes on and on. Get a Pre-Nup cause stuff happens....good luck

[WyoBull]

The actual ring itself is way over rated in my opinion. Buy her a nice and simple band now and then get her a nicer diamond later. Remember, she is not marrying you for the ring and if she is, well... run like your hair is on fire! Best of luck in your marriage!