Marriage Proposal question

[TXHUNT3R]

Tell your dad and brother what you really need from them is their blessing and to continue praying that your marriage is what God wants and to give you the fatherly and brotherly support you need for the rest of your life. If she's a good woman and things just somehow don't work out then she'll give it back. It's called trust.

This is a good point.

She would have to be just plain evil to not give it back. And from your threads about her. She is not.

Trust

[Spener54]

Curt is right. This would be an epic fail to put in a what if to your popping the question. Get something that belongs to her and is from you. it will go along way in the end.

[sniper steve]

Going through the exact scenario you describe right now.

Long story short, gave a girl my grandmother's ring when I proposed. Didn't pan out, and got ugly. Apparently, an engagement ring is a "conditional" gift. Meaning it's given under the pretense and condition that she will marry you. When things turn bad, it's a mess in court. Becomes a question of who called off the engagement, what the reasons were, blah blah blah.

I will never make that mistake again. My opinion, go buy her a ring with less sentimental value, or at least something that's not a family heirloom. Cost me $4k to get back a $10k ring...

[icetrauma]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

100% with this statement. No matter how happy she will be, you would have already planted the seed that you may leave.

[TxAg]

Here's something else to consider....has your girlfriend seen this ring? Does she like the look of it? Tastes change over the decades. What your mom liked in a ring, your gf may not like.

[Shane]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

Curt is a wise man. I'd listen to him. Never have any kind of discussion about how an eventual breakup/divorce is gonna happen. Go into it knowing and committed to the idea that marriage is forever - no turning back, no giving up, no backing out. If it's not the right time to go into it like that, then don't even start down the road.

[PSD Ryan]

Curt gave perfect advise.

[wsb1982]

I agree with most previous posters, you cannot give her a ring she is to wear for the rest of her life with stipulations. I'm a firm believer that if given a family heirloom IF you separate then you either return that ring or guarantee that it is passed down to your children (children you had with the giver of said ring) women that refuse to return a family heirloom and sell it or keep it out of spite have zero integrity or morals.

If you are asking her to marry you, then I assume she is a woman of integrity. If your father and brother cannot get on board with this then do not take the ring. Maybe use it in the actual ceremony as way to include your mom.

[cbd10pt]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

X2

On top of this a ring is personal. I just proposed as well. I learned that you need to let her show you what she likes . And make it happen , thus no resentment . Do you really want the thought -' I wasn't worth spending the money on the ring I really wanted' I your brides mind.

This is my second marriage I did it wrong once I did not make the same mistake this time.

[Txjourneyman]

Give her an engagement ring now. One of your choosing or hers or both. Then, after you are engaged have a talk with her about wedding rings. Ask how she would feel about using your Mom's or if she would like her own. If she wants to use Mom's ring then tell her about your Dad wishing for it back should anything happen.

[Texastaxi]

At first I thought, yeah, I'd have something in writing.
After reading some of the responses, I change my answer to "get her her own ring".

FWIW, if I were in this situation, my bride-to-be would have her choice of THREE rings ... so far!

[HoustonHunter]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

This

[Strummer]

Don't use it

[AgBass01]

Tell your dad and brother what you really need from them is their blessing and to continue praying that your marriage is what God wants and to give you the fatherly and brotherly support you need for the rest of your life. If she's a good woman and things just somehow don't work out then she'll give it back. It's called trust.

+1

Couldn't have said it better. If she's a good woman and truly has that much respect for your mother, then in the worst case scenario you just have to trust that she will do the right thing.

[Roscoe]

Don't start your marriage out with an escape clause. On the day you propose, what happens when your marriage ends shouldn't be part of the discussion. If that's the terms of using your mom's wedding set, then don't use it. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

Curt is a wise man. I'd listen to him. Never have any kind of discussion about how an eventual breakup/divorce is gonna happen. Go into it knowing and committed to the idea that marriage is forever - no turning back, no giving up, no backing out. If it's not the right time to go into it like that, then don't even start down the road.

Amen fellas.