Prayers and advice needed....pending divorce

[Anonymous1]

Sounds like her getting a job would solve a lot of your problems. She’s going to have to do it if you get a divorce, so why not get one as a way of saving your marriage?

I’m sure it’s way more complicated than that, but that’s my perspective.

In my opinion you are 100% correct. I think her getting a job would solve 90% of our problems.

[Anonymous1]

You asked for prayers, so I ask, are you and your wife Christians?

If you are, find a nouthetic/biblical counselor. You are wasting time and resources with worldly wisdom when you have access to the Spirit.

Www.biblicalcounseling.com has a search you can use to find a certified counselor.

Don’t quit...anything worth having is worth fighting for, especially a good marriage

Yes we are Christian’s. We don’t go to church as much as we should but I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with our lord and savior. I talk to him pretty regularly. He keeps me going thru all this. I appreciate the link.

[Anonymous1]

I really appreciate all they replys. I’m reading and rereading each and every one. Thank you.

[HogHunter34]

Just curious but what’s her excuse in not getting a job? You seem to be pointing at that as the main issue. I’m assuming this is causing some financial strain or feelings of unfairness that she’s not contributing financially? Was this a decision you guys made together some time ago for her not to work or she’s just made it clear she’s not going to work no matter what happens? Have you had an adult discussion on this topic?
Sorry for your situation.

[sailor]

Praying for ya...…………….

[150class]

If it comes to divorce I will absolutely protect myself. However I’m not going to try to “screw her over” just as I hope and pray she won’t screw me over either. I want us to do what is best and fair and equal for all of us. While protecting all of us too.

From your couple of post describing her you might as well get ready to get raked over the coals. Doesn’t seem like she’s in for a life change and with you being the bread maker in the situation she’ll figure out how to milk it to the fullest. I like to play the good guy card myself but I think some common sense tells you to get a lawyer and protect yourself.

Good luck

[Roy]

Why not just do a 'trial' run of your planned arrangement? Instead of a full on divorce, just agree to separate for a few months, no dating other people during this time, and go from there. Sometimes a small break from each other is all you need to clear your heads.

During this period, try to plan a few dates each month so that your child gets to spend some time with both of you, together.

[M.LUNA]

Sorry to hear this, as I didn't read every post made I did see a few key factors. #1 your wife is experiencing some type of mental stress or illness. IE: some type of depression, or even menopause. But this is not any excuse for you to give up on each other if you truly love her. That is key, and you must ask yourself how you would cope with her gone, also weigh the good and the bad throughout your relationship more good than bad is always worth examining what brought those good times and fighting to preserve it. #2 divorce is a hard fought battle very few people can honestly hold their promises when they feel no connection. SO PLEASE take the proper steps to completely protect yourself and your child during this ordeal. No so much in a physical manner but emotionally and financially. I've seen many and experienced it myself where there are agreements made and 50\50 talk. But when lawyers get involved you better have everything documented and prepared because most times these scenarios turn into a bloodbath. Especially when there is some type of bitterness because of an affair or money or children... just be prepared and take all the agreements with a grain of salt. As for counseling it hardly ever works. But having a strong relationship with God is one of the most powerful tools you have, finding peace during all of this will help both of you mentally. YOU MUST get rid of the distaste and hate or whatever negative feelings yall have or it will continue to drive you apart. And from a personal experience DO NOT push anything don't be extra and come home singing love songs and throwing rose pedals on the floor if this is not the normal. The desperate struggle will push most people away. Try to focus on the happy moments in life and revert to that and as always you must find peace within yourself through whatever means it may be. GOD BLESS YOU AND I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOUR FAMILY.

[Anonymous1]

Sorry to hear this, as I didn't read every post made I did see a few key factors. #1 your wife is experiencing some type of mental stress or illness. IE: some type of depression, or even menopause. But this is not any excuse for you to give up on each other if you truly love her. That is key, and you must ask yourself how you would cope with her gone, also weigh the good and the bad throughout your relationship more good than bad is always worth examining what brought those good times and fighting to preserve it. #2 divorce is a hard fought battle very few people can honestly hold their promises when they feel no connection. SO PLEASE take the proper steps to completely protect yourself and your child during this ordeal. No so much in a physical manner but emotionally and financially. I've seen many and experienced it myself where there are agreements made and 50\50 talk. But when lawyers get involved you better have everything documented and prepared because most times these scenarios turn into a bloodbath. Especially when there is some type of bitterness because of an affair or money or children... just be prepared and take all the agreements with a grain of salt. As for counseling it hardly ever works. But having a strong relationship with God is one of the most powerful tools you have, finding peace during all of this will help both of you mentally. YOU MUST get rid of the distaste and hate or whatever negative feelings yall have or it will continue to drive you apart. And from a personal experience DO NOT push anything don't be extra and come home singing love songs and throwing rose pedals on the floor if this is not the normal. The desperate struggle will push most people away. Try to focus on the happy moments in life and revert to that and as always you must find peace within yourself through whatever means it may be. GOD BLESS YOU AND I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOUR FAMILY.

That’s just it. I love it when she is gone. She has gone on a cruise with her girl friends for a week and it was absolutely wonder having her gone. It was just me and the kid and it was so amazing. I got up early and made breakfast and his lunch, got him to school early, none of those things she ever does. In the afternoon I helped him with homework, we would play, make dinner, watch a little tv together and then bed. It was the happiest we both had been in a very long time. Of course she says the same thing about when I’m gone. Which is why at this point we think we would all be better off separated.

[Anonymous1]

Why not just do a 'trial' run of your planned arrangement? Instead of a full on divorce, just agree to separate for a few months, no dating other people during this time, and go from there. Sometimes a small break from each other is all you need to clear your heads.

During this period, try to plan a few dates each month so that your child gets to spend some time with both of you, together.

I don’t think this will work in our case because the reality is not going to set in especially for her till we sell this house and she has to go live on her own and see what it’s like paying all the bills. If I move out for a few months and she stays in the house no way she can make the payment and if I keep paying it she won’t see the reality of what she is in for.

[Hunter_Man]

So I was in a situation like you. I will tell you that once her friends get to talking to her most likely the custody situation will change. I fought like hell for 50/50 and didn’t get it. Although NOW I have it. But I still pay a ton of child support.

Best advice is week to week visitation. Keeps the kids in a regular routine.
Also, use a single lawyer. Like both of you use the same lawyer.

Good luck brother. It never turns out as easy as it sounds. Feel free to pm me if you have specific questions. Remember the kids are the most important thing here.

[Atfulldraw]

I know you asked for prayers, but what you need is a good pair of boots.

You can either use them to kick her in the *** to get a job, or to kick her out.

Some people simply aren't worth being married to, regardless of their biological connection to your children.

You will get through this.

The absolute happiest years of my life have occurred post-divorce.

Not saying it wasn't bad, just that when it gets better....it gets a lot better

[Anonymous1]

So I was in a situation like you. I will tell you that once her friends get to talking to her most likely the custody situation will change. I fought like hell for 50/50 and didn’t get it. Although NOW I have it. But I still pay a ton of child support.

Best advice is week to week visitation. Keeps the kids in a regular routine.
Also, use a single lawyer. Like both of you use the same lawyer.

Good luck brother. It never turns out as easy as it sounds. Feel free to pm me if you have specific questions. Remember the kids are the most important thing here.

A ton of child support? Like more than the standard amount of 20% for 1 kid?

[Capt.Brown]

I pray that you guys can come together some how and continue down life’s road together.

[Anonymous1]

I know you asked for prayers, but what you need is a good pair of boots.

You can either use them to kick her in the *** to get a job, or to kick her out.

Some people simply aren't worth being married to, regardless of their biological connection to your children.

You will get through this.

The absolute happiest years of my life have occurred post-divorce.

Not saying it wasn't bad, just that when it gets better....it gets a lot better

When we last talked about this on Thursday night we said we would take the weekend to think about the situation and discuss again on Tuesday evening. Depending upon what she has to say I think that’s exactly where I’m at. Either get a job or we are done. There are so many things in life I want to do but it’s all on hold right now till I see where this is going. And I’m sick and tired of living like this. I am a doer. Always have been. If there’s something I want I make it happen. The last couple years I haven’t because either one it’s a vacation I don’t want to do alone and I don’t really want to do it with her, or 2 it’s making large improvements to our home or even moving and building a new home but with her the way she is now I don’t want to do anything. I’m sick of feeling like I’m being held back in life because of her. I haven’t and never will cheat on her but dang I so badly want to be with someone who is also a doer and go getter not a lazy ***.

And no she used to not be like this. She has never been a huge go getter but she wasn’t the type to sit sit in bed all day either. That started about 2 or so years ago.