Prayers and advice needed....pending divorce

[JHT]

When I meet her she was going thru a horrible horrible custody battle with her first husband over her older son and nether one of us are willing to do that.

Was she financially stable during this time?

[Anonymous1]

Was she financially stable during this time?

She was living with her parents at the time but she was working. She worked up until our son was born. She said she wanted to stay home until he started school. But she was working some small jobs on the side during that time. Well he is in school now has been for several years. Time to go back to work.

[Djhester]

Praying for y'all.

[Alta]

I agree that it sounds like she is battling depression (although I’m no expert in mental illness). If I was you I would do everything in my power to try to get her the help she needs in that area. My parents got divorced after over 30 years of marriage and I was in my 20s. It still was incredibly sad for me and after 10 years still hurts pretty bad (especially this time of year). My dad is the one who wanted the divorce and if he was being honest today I think would tell you he wished he stuck it out.

Also, while I’m not a divorce attorney if your wife has not been working to take care of your son then I imagine you will be paying some type of spousal support as well. When my parents got divorced my dad paid my mom basically enough money to live off as she stopped working 30 years prior when my older siblings were born. He just now stopped paying that after ten years.

[Shane]

The problem she has with me is that since I feel like she does nothing for us or the household and I pay all the bills she doesn’t get any of my money. Yes I know we are married so it should not be my money it should be our money but I’m not going to give her the money I work very hard for while she chooses to sit in bed at home. I’m not willing to give in on this so I’m not sure this will work for us?



With that being said do you think this book is worth reading? Or is there any hope? My stance is if she is not willing to get a job or do something productive for our household I’m done.

Trey and Lea are friends of mine. They're an awesome Christian couple. He's a minister in Childress. They do lots of marriage seminars. The book is great.

I'll play internet counselor too....

From everything you've said here, I'd say that if you want your marriage to get better and survive, then you need to work on you and quit focusing on all your criticisms of your wife - whether they're valid or not. There's at least 2 sides to every story. I can only imagine what hers is. I'm sure she has plenty of criticisms of you, and some are probably very valid as well.

I don't imagine there are many women who wouldn't end up depressed as bad as it sounds like she is if their husband talked a lot about how lazy she is and how she contributes nothing to the family, etc.... It would definitely become a self-fulfilling prophecy for most women. I have no idea how the vicious cycle that it sounds like y'all are in together started. I'm sure there's plenty of blame to go around on all sides. There always is.

Based on what you say and describe here, you both have a lot of work to do on yourselves if you want to rebuild (or maybe build for the first time?) a healthy marriage relationship. I'm not trying to be rude at all. It may come off that way, but I hope you don't take it that way. Just being honest since you asked. It sounds like your wife has some serious issues she needs to fix, but she ain't the only one.

If you truly want to avoid divorce and build a healthy marriage, then work on your own relationship with God, and then work on becoming the kind of husband God wants you to be. If your wife will do the same on her end, then y'all could definitely build a great marriage. It'll take both of you doing that, obviously. And it'll take a lot of time.

Somebody has to go first though. If each of you waits for the other one to quit being selfish, it'll never happen. Somebody has to let go of pride and selfishness to start living for God and their spouse first. IF that happens, then, MAYBE, the other spouse will begin to respond in kind. And if that happens, then there's a strong chance of success. Lots of hard work, humility, hurt, and ifs and maybes. But it's worth a shot if you truly want a good marriage rather than divorce.

I'm praying for you both. I really hope y'all decide to work it out and are successful doing so. It may seem like it's impossible. It's definitely a longshot. But your family would be so blessed if y'all can find a way to get there. Praying for you both....

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

[Pineywoods]

Trey and Lea are friends of mine. They're an awesome Christian couple. He's a minister in Childress. They do lots of marriage seminars. The book is great.

I'll play internet counselor too....

From everything you've said here, I'd say that if you want your marriage to get better and survive, then you need to work on you and quit focusing on all your criticisms of your wife - whether they're valid or not. There's at least 2 sides to every story. I can only imagine what hers is. I'm sure she has plenty of criticisms of you, and some are probably very valid as well.

I don't imagine there are many women who wouldn't end up depressed as bad as it sounds like she is if their husband talked a lot about how lazy she is and how she contributes nothing to the family, etc.... It would definitely become a self-fulfilling prophecy for most women. I have no idea how the vicious cycle that it sounds like y'all are in together started. I'm sure there's plenty of blame to go around on all sides. There always is.

Based on what you say and describe here, you both have a lot of work to do on yourselves if you want to rebuild (or maybe build for the first time?) a healthy marriage relationship. I'm not trying to be rude at all. It may come off that way, but I hope you don't take it that way. Just being honest since you asked. It sounds like your wife has some serious issues she needs to fix, but she ain't the only one.

If you truly want to avoid divorce and build a healthy marriage, then work on your own relationship with God, and then work on becoming the kind of husband God wants you to be. If your wife will do the same on her end, then y'all could definitely build a great marriage. It'll take both of you doing that, obviously. And it'll take a lot of time.

Somebody has to go first though. If each of you waits for the other one to quit being selfish, it'll never happen. Somebody has to let go of pride and selfishness to start living for God and their spouse first. IF that happens, then, MAYBE, the other spouse will begin to respond in kind. And if that happens, then there's a strong chance of success. Lots of hard work, humility, hurt, and ifs and maybes. But it's worth a shot if you truly want a good marriage rather than divorce.

I'm praying for you both. I really hope y'all decide to work it out and are successful doing so. It may seem like it's impossible. It's definitely a longshot. But your family would be so blessed if y'all can find a way to get there. Praying for you both....

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

Great advice here. I wholeheartedly agree.

[easeup]

I cannot add to the Godly wisdom posted above.

So, on another angle please consider.... to help you see your role in this marriage, lets say that the wife has been taken by some sort of disease that makes her bedridden, unable to communicate, and unable to serve the needs of you or the family and the future improvements seems very unlikely; or like for instance a bad wreck leaving her brain damaged. You are forced to spoon feed her every meal as you cant afford other medical services. Are not the complaints you have now similar to those under these hypothetical circumstance? Are not the effects on your marriage similar? If these things occurred, would your actions and thoughts be different? is there hope in these circumstances better than what you live with now?

1Cor 13.4-8 tells us love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

[lovemylegacy]

Prayers for you and your family.

[Anonymous1]

Trey and Lea are friends of mine. They're an awesome Christian couple. He's a minister in Childress. They do lots of marriage seminars. The book is great.

I'll play internet counselor too....

From everything you've said here, I'd say that if you want your marriage to get better and survive, then you need to work on you and quit focusing on all your criticisms of your wife - whether they're valid or not. There's at least 2 sides to every story. I can only imagine what hers is. I'm sure she has plenty of criticisms of you, and some are probably very valid as well.

I don't imagine there are many women who wouldn't end up depressed as bad as it sounds like she is if their husband talked a lot about how lazy she is and how she contributes nothing to the family, etc.... It would definitely become a self-fulfilling prophecy for most women. I have no idea how the vicious cycle that it sounds like y'all are in together started. I'm sure there's plenty of blame to go around on all sides. There always is.

Based on what you say and describe here, you both have a lot of work to do on yourselves if you want to rebuild (or maybe build for the first time?) a healthy marriage relationship. I'm not trying to be rude at all. It may come off that way, but I hope you don't take it that way. Just being honest since you asked. It sounds like your wife has some serious issues she needs to fix, but she ain't the only one.

If you truly want to avoid divorce and build a healthy marriage, then work on your own relationship with God, and then work on becoming the kind of husband God wants you to be. If your wife will do the same on her end, then y'all could definitely build a great marriage. It'll take both of you doing that, obviously. And it'll take a lot of time.

Somebody has to go first though. If each of you waits for the other one to quit being selfish, it'll never happen. Somebody has to let go of pride and selfishness to start living for God and their spouse first. IF that happens, then, MAYBE, the other spouse will begin to respond in kind. And if that happens, then there's a strong chance of success. Lots of hard work, humility, hurt, and ifs and maybes. But it's worth a shot if you truly want a good marriage rather than divorce.

I'm praying for you both. I really hope y'all decide to work it out and are successful doing so. It may seem like it's impossible. It's definitely a longshot. But your family would be so blessed if y'all can find a way to get there. Praying for you both....

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

It hurt to read that but I needed to read that because it’s 100% true.

I have definitely said things I should have.....too many times. I am definitely part of the problem and where we are now definitely isn’t all her fault. And your exactly right we are in a vicious cycle that has been spiraling out of control for a long time. It’s a spiral I don’t know that we can pull out of.

[friscopaint]

I pray for a quick divorce. Easy for others to tell you to live in misery. It was the best thing that ever happened to me !

[Jaker]

Divorce seems like the short term easy way out and long time damage for your son. Tell her to get dress and take her out, talk to her like someone you’re in love with even if it hurts at first. Try to win her back like you did when y’all were dating. Take action its not gonna save itself.

[friscopaint]

6 months later you'll wonder where all that money in your bank account came from, it's amazing how much further your money goes without her. Get it over with and get on match !!

[friscopaint]

My ex father in law, great guy, told me "don't stay married for the kids, I tried it and it doesn't work". I had a much better life with my kids because it was me and them and I had money. When I was married I never saw them because I was working all the time to pay for starbucks, nails, hair......now I'm remarried and paying for hay, vet bills......moral of the story get it over with and don't remarry

[Playa]

Look I’m not going to sugar coat this. Love is a choice, make your decision daily. But don’t tell us you “don’t have any love for your wife.” You may not be mindful, but you are choosing that

Before you go to court you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and look at your part in this.

Frankly you aren’t ready for divorce. Until you are ready to go for the jugular with vengeance, you aren’t ready (from personal experience)

[Hart8]

It can be done with one attorney.As long as it's YOUR attorney.Everything signed,and agreed upon.As far as week to week custody goes..There's no way I'd pay additional child support(20%)Because as soon as she hooks up with another guy,roommate,husband,etc..You ain't gonna like giving her money.Just my 2 cents.Good luck bubba.

Sent from my SM-G970U1 using Tapatalk