Prayers and advice needed....pending divorce

[SmTx]

Playing internet therapist sounds like your wife is battling depression of some sort.

Normal healthy people dont lay in bed all day.

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[Anonymous1]

She's not supposed to live off your 20%.....good chance you will have the kid 100% of the time before long....I couldn't take what you described either.

I can’t and won’t take our son from her. I don’t care what any lawyer or judge says. She is his mom and she loves him. She is going to have to make some major life changes though. Last night we talked about this and she said “I’m sure you will be so happy I have to get a job after this” I said no what I’m going to think is why didn’t you just get a job before we get a divorce and maybe we won’t need a divorce.

She is getting to the point she needs a new car. She is currently driving a loaded out Tahoe LTZ. I told her she was going to have to get something small like a little car that is cheap. She said that was ridiculous but that she was willing to down grade. I said to what. She said another Tahoe with leather just not a ltz. I just walked away.

[curtintex]

While I know I’m not perfect and have a lot of things I need to change about myself she has gotten extremely lazy. She no longer works, on the weekends she stays in bed all day. I’m talking about only getting out long enough to go to the bathroom or a snack and then back to bed. During the week she gets up and takes son to school, in her jp's mind you, and as soon as she gets back home it’s back to bed to watch tv or play on her tablet. If I ask her to do anything she yells at me saying I’m controlling her. I honestly don’t know how she is going to support herself if the divorce happens. She won’t be able to live off my 20% alone.

Honestly, bud, it sounds like she's suffering from depression. I'm sorry y'all are going through this and y'all will be in my prayers.

[friscopaint]

I can’t and won’t take our son from her. I don’t care what any lawyer or judge says. She is his mom and she loves him. She is going to have to make some major life changes though. Last night we talked about this and she said “I’m sure you will be so happy I have to get a job after this” I said no what I’m going to think is why didn’t you just get a job before we get a divorce and maybe we won’t need a divorce.

She is getting to the point she needs a new car. She is currently driving a loaded out Tahoe LTZ. I told her she was going to have to get something small like a little car that is cheap. She said that was ridiculous but that she was willing to down grade. I said to what. She said another Tahoe with leather just not a ltz. I just walked away.

Oh my....I hope you aren't on that note. Hold your tongue and just tell her you hope the best for her.....

[NannySlayer]

My ex and I had an agreeable divorce. So much that we used the same attorney and saved money. We agreed on 50/50 custody. I waived child support. I’m originally from another state and he had the thought that I’d snatch my kid up and haul butt back home so I agreed to sign a divorce decree keeping our son in the local school district. No issues there.

Our 50/50 is a really weird schedule so I’m not going to go into that but some friends of mine have the one week on, one week off ordeal and it seems to be successful so far.

Divorce is hard. There is going to be a grieving process in it for both of you and your kid.
Best wishes.



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[Hogmauler]

Anon, realize there are many people on here that have been married much longer than I have. We’ve been married for 25 years with s special needs son thrown in the mix. Be committed to the commitment. Sure there have been plenty of times that both of us have wondered “what the h—l have we done. And you won’t always like each other. Can I get a witness? You’ve already admitted that your both hard headed. Work from there. Be a servant to each other, not doormats.
The Bible says “with God all things are possible”. Don’t give up, fight for yalls marriage. Blessings brother.

[HogHunter34]

If u truly wish that God would work a miracle then let him work, stop opposing Him by entertaining a divorce. God will definitely show up if u are willing to humble yourselves, give up your selfish pride and serve one another. Love can come back. Prayers up.

Solid advice but it will take both of you to be intentional about this.
Prayers up for you guys

[austinRecurve]

https://www.amazon.com/Ways-Stronger-Marriage-Trey-Morgan/dp/1702369862/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2T6NLXHLIGI8R&keywords=10+ways+to+a+stronger+marriage&qid=1578095541&sprefix=10+Ways+to+a+stronger%2Caps%2C169&sr=8-1

Do it for your kids.

[Skinny]

Prayers up for you and your family.

It does sound like your wife could be dealing with some mental health issues if she’s staying in bed all day and not being productive in any capacity. That is an unacceptable and very unhealthy behavior in a marriage as you well know.

[Anonymous1]

Solid advice but it will take both of you to be intentional about this.
Prayers up for you guys

https://www.amazon.com/Ways-Stronger...s%2C169&sr=8-1

Do it for your kids.

The problem she has with me is that since I feel like she does nothing for us or the household and I pay all the bills she doesn’t get any of my money. Yes I know we are married so it should not be my money it should be our money but I’m not going to give her the money I work very hard for while she chooses to sit in bed at home. I’m not willing to give in on this so I’m not sure this will work for us?

With that being said do you think this book is worth reading? Or is there any hope? My stance is if she is not willing to get a job or do something productive for our household I’m done.

[STX_Shooter]

Playing internet therapist sounds like your wife is battling depression of some sort.

Normal healthy people dont lay in bed all day.

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This^ I know depression and that sounds like it.

[SaintBlaise]

If u truly wish that God would work a miracle then let him work, stop opposing Him by entertaining a divorce. God will definitely show up if u are willing to humble yourselves, give up your selfish pride and serve one another. Love can come back. Prayers up.

Completely agree. Start going to church, and seek out a marriage counselor from church. I can't imagine what your child will be going through. You can make it work! Nothing good is easy.

[RF76]

The problem she has with me is that since I feel like she does nothing for us or the household and I pay all the bills she doesn’t get any of my money. Yes I know we are married so it should not be my money it should be our money but I’m not going to give her the money I work very hard for while she chooses to sit in bed at home. I’m not willing to give in on this so I’m not sure this will work for us?

With that being said do you think this book is worth reading? Or is there any hope? My stance is if she is not willing to get a job or do something productive for our household I’m done.

I don't know how drastic of a change was from before about the laziness but it might be a medical issue like other have mention. If it is depression try to research a good Psychiatrist in your area, talk to her and schedule an appointment. Let her know that you are trying to save this marriage and that you are willing to attend the appointment with her. This might be one option to consider. Good Luck and stay strong.

[slayr]

I wish you nothing but the best. My wife and I have been going through a similar situation. Ours seems to be turning a corner in the right direction, but I’ll tell you it has not been easy. I’ve given in to a lot of things on my end I was originally very stubborn about. In the end it was a very small price to pay to see my kids everyday. This became overly apparent Christmas morning of this year, nothing beats being all together and seeing those smiling faces.

[TreeNap]

I understand where you are coming from, and in the end only you two know what's best.

But, have both of you thought about how the child will feel with his/her parents separated?

I get the fact that you both are so miserable that you think you will be better as parents apart. That's great for the adults. But what about the child?

Have you thought about what it will feel like when you see your child drive off with another man?

Have you thought about not seeing your child on Christmas or Thanksgiving?

Have you thought about what it will feel like when you want to tuck your kid into bed and you cannot?

Have you thought about what it will feel like after your child's events (sports, school, etc) and you cannot talk or celebrate it in the car?

All things to consider.

I get it. Toxic relationships suck.

But, if there is any chance of you two finding each other again...that is the best case scenario for your child.

Best of luck. Hoping for the best with any outcome.