Calling The New Step Father...".Daddy"

[krisw]

I called both my step parents by their name. I called their families by their name. Mom never encouraged use to call my step dad dad. In fact, he discouraged it. (My parents split up when I was >1yr old. Step dad and dad have been around my whole life.) He told me once I called him daddy and he set me down and told me he wasnt. I dont remember it.

The mother doesnt have any business telling the kid to call the step dad Daddy. That should be addressed. The parents need to get together and discuss that. If the daughter feels like calling him that eventually, then that's her decision to make.

[d_e_smith]

Could always coach the kid to call him Mommy's current husband.


I know a set of kids who call their dad's wife CW for current wife. As luck would have it they're getting a divorce....kids are so smart.

[stinkbelly]

My parents are divorced and remarried and I would never call my step-mom "mom" and I would never call my step-dad "dad".

My Sister in law is a widow and her new husband forces the kids to call him dad. He does not allow step dad. It is awful.

The only place I can see where it would be acceptable is where the biological father isn't in the picture and the step dad has taken over 100% of the job and the child wants to call them that. It should be the childs choice and not the steps choice.

wsb1982, that is amazing. You turned that situation into something positive. Not many people could do that.

[sharkhunter]

I'm divorced as well. I was out to dinner with my 8 year old daughter when she told me she calls my ex husbands girlfriend "mom" sometimes. I almost choked on my dinner. It took me a minute or two to respond.. So I asked her these questions. "You love her right? She does a good job at being your mom when your with your dad right? She responded yes to both questions. I told her that she was pretty lucky to have two women whom she loved and loved her back do much that she could call both of us mom. It hurt a lot to say those words to her.. Of course I don't ever want her to call another women mom, BUT my daughter has such a big heart.. I know she was asking my permission if it was ok to call her mom and I gave it. It totally depends on the kid.

It was a real honor to read your post. I can’t tell you how impressed I am with your wisdom and understanding.

[jlptexashunter]

can't control what other people do,

takes some people a lifetime to learn this.

I wouldn't like it, but I continually work to deserve my title,
what other people do or think is outside of my area of concern.

Brilliant.

[Hunter_Man]

I went through this recently, and a talk with the mom cured the issue. We have little to no communication, but when i made it clear that it would not be accepted she got the point. i wasn't rude, i just simply stated "if/when i remarry, i would never allow our children to call my wife their mother, as she is not, nor never will be their mother"

the next week the kids were calling him by his first name.

[SuperDave]

I am on the other side of the fence. I married my wife three years ago. She has three beautiful children that I am blessed to help raise full time and love them more than you can believe.
Their biological father gets them 2 afternoons a week by his choice. When they asked what to call me, I told them whatever they feel comfortable with.
It is extremely frustrating sometimes, to know that I raise them, help with homework, feed them, cloth them, take off for their appointments, and sacrifice my own desires for theirs. And he gets to play with them two afternoons a week. I understand that I may never get to be called Daddy while he is in the picture. I just hope the kids understand everything I do for them.
I have struggled from the beginning with trying to give him the respect of being their father. Because I know if I was in his shoes I would hate to have someone try to steal my children. But at what point do you stop.

[R Dubya]

I'm divorced as well. I was out to dinner with my 8 year old daughter when she told me she calls my ex husbands girlfriend "mom" sometimes. I almost choked on my dinner. It took me a minute or two to respond.. So I asked her these questions. "You love her right? She does a good job at being your mom when your with your dad right? She responded yes to both questions. I told her that she was pretty lucky to have two women whom she loved and loved her back do much that she could call both of us mom. It hurt a lot to say those words to her.. Of course I don't ever want her to call another women mom, BUT my daughter has such a big heart.. I know she was asking my permission if it was ok to call her mom and I gave it. It totally depends on the kid.

That is an amazing way to handle the conversation. Mine are older, they probably won't call their step-dad dad, but there are so many other things that are constant struggles as well.

Prayers up!!

[Smart]

I have been the step father to our girls for 10 years, since they were 15 and 17. The father is out of the picture. They call me by my name or B or some other funny stuff. The grandson calls me Bils.....partly because I told him that at 45 I ain't no grandpa. LOL.

This is how it should be.

IMO, a parent suggesting/requiring that a child call a step-parent mommy or daddy, when the other biological parent is still very active in their life, is pretty selfish on their part IMO. Many would suggest it is a way at getting back at the other parent.......some would say it is that parent's way of making their part of the family whole again. I don't agree with it either way.

If the other parent is AWOL, then I'd have no issue with it.

[eaglegolfj]

I havent read all of the responces. But we never pushed it on my step daughter, iv been with her since she was 3 she is now 21 with her own child. All I can say is, to the real father, is be a man and be involved with her, spend as much time as you can with her. It will benifet you in the long run. I could go on about this for days about my daughters father and I. I would say if she feels confortable calling him daddy let her but be the man and she will know who her father is.

[elkbowhunter]

I am on the other side of the fence. I married my wife three years ago. She has three beautiful children that I am blessed to help raise full time and love them more than you can believe.
Their biological father gets them 2 afternoons a week by his choice. When they asked what to call me, I told them whatever they feel comfortable with.
It is extremely frustrating sometimes, to know that I raise them, help with homework, feed them, cloth them, take off for their appointments, and sacrifice my own desires for theirs. And he gets to play with them two afternoons a week. I understand that I may never get to be called Daddy while he is in the picture. I just hope the kids understand everything I do for them.
I have struggled from the beginning with trying to give him the respect of being their father. Because I know if I was in his shoes I would hate to have someone try to steal my children. But at what point do you stop.

recognition is not necessary. Just be content with doing the right thing. They will know who loves them. Kids are not dumb.

[Texas Tracker]

I'm divorced as well. I was out to dinner with my 8 year old daughter when she told me she calls my ex husbands girlfriend "mom" sometimes. I almost choked on my dinner. It took me a minute or two to respond.. So I asked her these questions. "You love her right? She does a good job at being your mom when your with your dad right? She responded yes to both questions. I told her that she was pretty lucky to have two women whom she loved and loved her back do much that she could call both of us mom. It hurt a lot to say those words to her.. Of course I don't ever want her to call another women mom, BUT my daughter has such a big heart.. I know she was asking my permission if it was ok to call her mom and I gave it. It totally depends on the kid.

You young lady are a very wise with an insite most will never know.

[RGVBowHunter]

Sounds like mommy is trying to drive a wedge between her daughter and the real daddy.

This is it...

[d_e_smith]

Sounds like mommy is trying to drive a wedge between her daughter and the real daddy.

That kind of comes with the divorce.

[Dakota7493]

I've got a step daughter. I call her by her fist name and she calls me by my first name. She is college age now but when she was at the house she would see her dad every other weekend. The guy is the biggest Richard Head you will ever meet, however I'm not looking to replace him and I'm fine with how it went.