Calling The New Step Father...".Daddy"

[Legdog]

My ex-wife and her new husband have a son who is 4. He calls me "uncle Steven" or just "uncle". When he was around 2 he sometimes called me Dad by mistake because he copied my kids. I was always quick to correct him and eventually he got it.

Point is, as the kids get older they figure it everything out.

If an ex wants the step dad to be called "dad" that's her business but kids will eventually understand exactly who mom and dad are. Especially once they grow up a little.

[Burntorange Bowhunter]

One of my step daughters does refer to both of us as her parents. You know, like telling her friends she is with her parents or going somewhere with them. We have a very "cool" relationship. When she needs a father figure I am there but we are also best friends. She calls me B or B Dog. LOL. All of her friends back in high school called me B Dog.

[LivinADream]

I think it should be completely up to the child. My kids mom has never been completely in the picture, comes and goes as she pleases. She comes from good people, so her parents see the kids all the time, and if she wants to see them she drops by her parents to do so. She at one time tried to get our youngest to call her bf at the time daddy, pushed it real hard, but she refused to do it... The bf told me this himself... Ticked me off to no end, but I never spoke a word of it to any of them, don't even think the ex knows that I know because the little one never would and I knew that... On the other hand, because the bio mother isn't a steady figure, my you test asked my gf if she could call her "momma". She told her that she would be honored to be called momma if that's what she was comfortable with (we are planning on getting married eventually, not just some random gf)... And she does about 50% of the time. The oldest however calls her by her first name.

[elkbowhunter]

If the new guy is driving the child to school, bringing home the food, paying the bills, sitting up with her when she's sick maybe taking her hunting and/or fishing - sounds like daddy to me. Don't like it get used to it. Should have thought of that when he moved out.

He didn't move out. She did.

[wsb1982]

I'm divorced as well. I was out to dinner with my 8 year old daughter when she told me she calls my ex husbands girlfriend "mom" sometimes. I almost choked on my dinner. It took me a minute or two to respond.. So I asked her these questions. "You love her right? She does a good job at being your mom when your with your dad right? She responded yes to both questions. I told her that she was pretty lucky to have two women whom she loved and loved her back do much that she could call both of us mom. It hurt a lot to say those words to her.. Of course I don't ever want her to call another women mom, BUT my daughter has such a big heart.. I know she was asking my permission if it was ok to call her mom and I gave it. It totally depends on the kid.

[Lewis Stafford]

It sucks but what do you do? You can't control what others do, but you can always control how you conduct yourself. The child will see this and in the end they will understand and know the truth. Love will always persevere!

[ted_kennedys_liver]

This is a subject that I may face and don't even like the thought.

It all boils down to One thing, which people currently and constantly remind me of in my current situation is, you can only control what happens when the child is with you. In time the child will know and understand who daddy is and how much we love them. They will also see people for who they are. It is a long hard road through the early years so you just focus on what you can do with the time you have with your child and not stoop down to other levels.

Again I am just starting this journey so all I can do is relay what I have been told. Learning and accepting takes time.

[SwampDonk89]

Bs if u ask me

[Z7_Matt]

My wife was mostly raises by her step dad and still calls him by his first name.

[JSquaredDaddy]

My wife calls her stepdad, who is now deceased, her father and the bio by his first name. But as someone pointed out, the stepdad was the one who paid the bills, took them to school, helped with homework, sat with them when they were sick (even when they were moved out). The bio, well he still is an alcoholic POS. As far as our boys are concerned, their grandfather passed away years ago.

I hope to never be in this situation but judging from my wife's experiences, let the child decide. I am sure it cuts directly to the heart, but if he is good enough for the daughter to want to call him that, the OP should feel blessed that such a man is there for her when the OP can't be. It could have gone the other way.

[JO_Bowhunter]

That is a tough row to hoe. Having been there and done most of that I understand. What I did was reinforce the relationship with my son and never once bad mouthed his mom, regardless of what he said she said or conflict she tried to start with me. I went to every event he had and never missed a game he played in. So just tell him to be there for her and love her unconditionally.

[mboltm]

Daddy is a title that is earned, not inherited!

This is spot on IMO, I had 6 kids, 3 of which are biologically mine, no step around my house, parents or kids, and no one tells the kids what to say, in my situation the bio was not around in either case and it all just flowed, Any man can be a father, it takes a special man to be a dad

[randal]

I've had my step son since he was 4 (now 7) we told him he could if he wanted to.. He never really did so we never pushed it.. I figure if he wanted to or wants to he can and if not then I'm ok with that too..

[elkbowhunter]

I'm divorced as well. I was out to dinner with my 8 year old daughter when she told me she calls my ex husbands girlfriend "mom" sometimes. I almost choked on my dinner. It took me a minute or two to respond.. So I asked her these questions. "You love her right? She does a good job at being your mom when your with your dad right? She responded yes to both questions. I told her that she was pretty lucky to have two women whom she loved and loved her back do much that she could call both of us mom. It hurt a lot to say those words to her.. Of course I don't ever want her to call another women mom, BUT my daughter has such a big heart.. I know she was asking my permission if it was ok to call her mom and I gave it. It totally depends on the kid.

WOW! a lot of wisdom and grace in your words....and for sure a great love for your daughter.

[Legdog]

I'm divorced as well. I was out to dinner with my 8 year old daughter when she told me she calls my ex husbands girlfriend "mom" sometimes. I almost choked on my dinner. It took me a minute or two to respond.. So I asked her these questions. "You love her right? She does a good job at being your mom when your with your dad right? She responded yes to both questions. I told her that she was pretty lucky to have two women whom she loved and loved her back do much that she could call both of us mom. It hurt a lot to say those words to her.. Of course I don't ever want her to call another women mom, BUT my daughter has such a big heart.. I know she was asking my permission if it was ok to call her mom and I gave it. It totally depends on the kid.

Wow

I always tell my kids that they won the step dad lottery. Sure he has his faults and no step parent or biological parent is perfect but working with kids to make the absolute best of the situation is the way to go.

Part of being the best parent you can be is doing right by your kids even wen it hurts.