What if divorce was NOT an option?

[Shane]

I'm not throwing stones at anybody that's been divorced either, by the way. Sometimes it becomes necessary, and it just stinks. I'm was just commenting on the perspective of how it can seem like there are almost no marriages that last anymore, even though that's not the case.

[ram6256]

If marriage was not an option, I think there would be even more messed up kids than there are now. There are always at least 2 sides to every story, His, Hers, and everyone else's. Raising kids in a discordant house "for the kids" "it is better for the kids" "put the kids first" environment only exposes them to a most unhealthy environment.
Going through this divorce and doing my share in raising my kids is without a doubt the hardest thing I have done. It is also one of the best things I have done for me and could have done for my kids. They now have the opportunity to truly see the differences in approach to their raising and personal values.
Roy

[Redneck Archer]

RedNeck Archer, What would happen if you came home today and found out your lady had been sleeping with one of your friends for ..say...two years. Oh.. she doesnt plan on changing that. What then?

I thought I already clarified that...

"when I was younger I would have done what you did. Now adays, it aint worth it. if that happened I would get my son. and we would leave. I would later come back and get all my stuff/what I wanted (guns/quads/boat... my stuff from before the marriage). She could have all the rest. and all the bills that go along with it..."

both of us agree infidelity is not tolerable. we have had conversations on it, and share a pretty even view. even to the point of what specifically is infidelity... the lines are drawn CLEARLY in the sand. and we both know what the outcome would be.

[Death from Above]

There is no greater human relationship than that of a God Honoring marriage....

I am so thankful He is in the middle of mine or it would have been over years ago...

[Redneck Archer]

...but just because one doesn't find their soul mate in study hall or at the Tri Delt mixer, doesn't mean they're missing out on life or love or that they're going straight to hell.

I was married once. It was really great. I learned a lot. He cheated. I moved on. Since then I've had the privilege of dating some really amazing men. I look at it as more of a positive than a failure. Some folks live their entire life with their one "soul mate." Others get to fall in love a few more times and experience lots of different flavors of love. It doesn't make on right and another wrong. Just different. And I'd have married my first husband again even if I knew how it would end. Life is your experiences!

we share the same views on "soul mate" I take it. I dont believe in it... You can fall in love with more than one person, and there is not just one specific person out there that you will ONLY fall in love with.

there are still allot of great people in the world.

I picked my card a little young, but man so far I have deffinitaly chosen, and good one and she is a great mother to my child (which I did plan to have kids), and still looks dang good even after having a kid!

[Redneck Archer]

So I guess the "Till Death Do us Part" has clauses? I dated my exe for a year had lived together another year, we were married for 18 years and have to girls. My point is you never know what your tomorrows will bring. my Grandparents were married 50 years when they seperated, they have both passed now but never got back together.

"in sickness and in health till death do us part" NOW, if the other person in the relationship breaks those vows and seeks another party... I cant help that... I didnt break the vows... you did.

again, you explain to God why you couldnt keep your word...

because the "grass was greener"? "well did you try watering yours" may be his response? I dont know.

IF things have gotten physical and peoples lives are at stake. by all means PLEASE divorce. But, if you tell me well we argued, and just couldnt get along.

WELL, again. there is NO BODY in this world (man or woman) who you can live with for 50 years and never have a disagreement. if you think there is, well good luck to you in your search's...


again... this is all my own opinion (that my wife mostly agrees with). you can have your own as well... I helped fight for that right, and my wife put up with being a military wife for that right...

[Redneck Archer]

There is no greater human relationship than that of a God Honoring marriage....

I am so thankful He is in the middle of mine or it would have been over years ago...

[buckwild17]

Biblically, divorce without adultery is not divorce at all and is looked upon by God as still married.

This reconfirms the right choice for me !! One cannot force a spouse to love, honor & cherish. You can only do the same and hope the offer & opportunity will be reciprocated. If its not , then the options are down to one.

[TX_Phil]

That's the thing. People change throughout their lives. It would be really great and romantic and all if you met one person in high school, fell in love, had a litter, and lived happily ever after through the ups and downs. But the facts are, in today's world, that just doesn't happen anymore. And who's to say it has to?

I'm not nearly the same person I was in high school. THen I turned into a totally different chick in college. Live and learn and get your arse kicked through your twenties and your priorities change again. It's just not practical to expect one person to grow and change with you through all that.


Now I caveat this with the whole kid thing again. If you have a burning desire to pass on your genes, it behooves you to pick a good mate because raising that kid is THE single most important thing you'll do in your life and your choice of mate affects that kiddo more than anything. Life is hard enough to get through without having a dumbarse for a primary guiding force in your life.

Maybe that's why I'm so lucky? Our first date was on Dec 22 1979. We met in high school when I was a junior and she a sophomore. When I called to ask her out her mom answered the phone so I asked her mom if i could take her daughter to the movies. That might have been the smartest thing I've ever done!! The point is we grew up together high school struggles, college struggles and all of that stuff we did together so we grew together and matured together. Entering into marriage, holly matrimony or whatever phrase you want to use was not a big step. At least it didn't feel that way at the time. Looking back, yes we've both changed a lot over the years but we changed together so it wasn't a big shock.

[TX_Phil]

Short answer - I see marriage as a man-made institution brought up for power and property thousands of years ago.

I see holy matrimony as a promise before God that 2 consenting adults make. (key word "consenting", think middle ages and dowries and arranged marriages...)

And lastly, I see lasting relationships made between adults who have no faith, yet still find a love for each other in their own way.

So, if you can accept that marriage and holy matrimony and lasting relationships are all separate ideologies, then you can certainly accept the fact that marriage is a farce and a way to control people in a society.


For me, I have a very strong live and let live philosophy. My wife and I married at the age of 20 after a very short long distance relationship. We had briefly dated in high school years before. We eloped in Las Vegas 6 days before I left for Iraq and at our second anniversary, I had only been in the US for 4 months. Throughout the hardships we faced of age, money, time separated, etc; we just hit 10 years and things have never been better.

We were both raised in church. (Catholic and Lutheran); yet we have only been to church as a married couple probably 10-20 times total so far. For me personally, I made a commitment to my wife to be the absolute best partner that I can be. I take that vow very seriously, but I do not give much credit to our faith in us sticking it out together. Maybe God deserves more credit that I give, probably so, but that's a different conversation.

Point being; we are definitely not the mold that is being professed as the model for a lasting marriage. But we have a much stronger relationship than most couples we know that go to church regularly and took the pre-marriage classes and such. I do not subscribe to any theory that has finite rules in it like the words "all", "everyone", etc...

Everyone's path and story are different, and though I don't go to church, I do have faith. And a very strong belief in John 8:7 and Matthew 7:1.

Just my $.02.. DEFINITELY not pointing fingers at anyone, so please don't take offense.

And if your wife made that same commitment and she stands behind it as strongly as you then what more could either of you ask for?? I congratulate you both!!

In my opinion this is a difficult topic to discuss because you inevitably end up paint with broad strokes and as such there is always areas that can be picked apart. That being said I think you've listed the number one reason marriages, bonds of holy matrimony and lasting relationships fail. People do not take their commitments seriously enough. They go into it with good intentions and all of that but when things get tough they focus on "me". If you don't take your commitment seriously then its easy to find someone to "play" with on the side. It's easy to blame the other party for all the problems. Again, these are broad statements and you can only cover your end of the agreement. What do you do when the other person doesn't live up to their end? Luckily I've not been faced with that situation.

[cosmiccowboy]

I've only been married once for 30+ years now but It's my wifes second marriage and I had the priviledge to raise her son from 3 years on like he was my own.

I kind of resent some of the holier than thou posts in here. Your vengeful God is not my God. If my God judges her at the holy gates he is gonna wash her feet and welcome her because she is that good of a mother, friend, and person.

Y'all really want our earthly government to ban divorce? Seriously?????

I'm sure if they decided to ban guns all of you would just waltze right in there and hand yours over, right?

Be careful what you ask for, you might get it.

[ZackM]

What do you do when the other person doesn't live up to their end? Luckily I've not been faced with that situation.

And that is exactly where Matthew 7:1 comes in...

I don't wish that kind if pain on anyone. And I certainly will not be judging anyone for decisions that they make regarding their own lives. I think a lot of times we all forget who exactly has the right to judge and how little the rest of us really know.

[TX_Phil]

And that is exactly where Matthew 7:1 comes in...

I don't wish that kind if pain on anyone. And I certainly will not be judging anyone for decisions that they make regarding their own lives. I think a lot of times we all forget who exactly has the right to judge and how little the rest of us really know.

I think that deserves an Amen!!

The way I see it, its just the opposite, it's my place to listen and try to understand. I admit I'm not very good at it but I keep trying.

Cosimc, I hope I didn't step on your toes as it was not my intent to rub anyone the wrong way. Just enjoying a good conversation. To your point, my sister and brother are both on their first marriage with someone who is on their second. My sister is going on close to 20 years and my brother is at around the 15 year mark. In both cases young children were brought into the family that my siblings raised as their own. It has not been easy, many more challenges than I've faced in my marriage, but they take their commitments seriously and they have worked through these challenges together.

[cosmiccowboy]

I think that deserves an Amen!!

The way I see it, its just the opposite, it's my place to listen and try to understand. I admit I'm not very good at it but I keep trying.
Cosimc, I hope I didn't step on your toes as it was not my intent to rub anyone the wrong way. Just enjoying a good conversation. To your point, my sister and brother are both on their first marriage with someone who is on their second. My sister is going on close to 20 years and my brother is at around the 15 year mark. In both cases young children were brought into the family that my siblings raised as their own. It has not been easy, many more challenges than I've faced in my marriage, but they take their commitments seriously and they have worked through these challenges together.

You didn't step on my toes at all. I found some other posts mildly offensive that were judging divorced people at the gates of heaven as unworthy. MY God would find THEM unworthy.

My wifes ex was not a bad guy, He was very charismatic but he just couldn't keep his pickle in his pants until appropriate times. For our son we included him in everything as we went forward and we are all now friends. After 4 more marriages he finally grew up and found a good person to put up with him.

[cbd10pt]

that is a very slippery slope.I know I held on to my marriage way too long for religious reasons it cost me 3 years I'll never get back and it did not do my children any good. and note I did say religious not biblical