I need some good jokes about engineers...

[Texastaxi]

An man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The guy said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

[Chew]

How do you keep an engineer in suspense?






I'll tell ya tomorrow.

[Texastaxi]

During the French Revolution, three professionals were arrested and convicted of having bourgeois values. They were a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer. They were to be led to the guillotine one by one. The crowd was roaring with anticipated pleasure. First up was the doctor. How dare he enrich himself through other people's illnesses? Access to basic health care is a right, right? The doctor was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. The blade started on its massive, implacable way down. And lurched to a stop. The official in charge declared that it would be inhumane to make the doctor suffer this way more than once, so he was setting the doctor free. The crowd howled. The executioner checked his equipment. All was in order. He put a small tree branch in, and successfully lopped it in half. He re-sharpened the blade. Next up was the lawyer. Who needs an excuse to wish such a lying, cheating scoundrel dead? The crowd was thunderous in its applause. The lawyer was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. Again, the blade stopped part-way down! The presiding official once again said that he would set this prisoner free because of the unusual circumstances. The crowd screamed in frustration. Now came the engineer, a man whose innovations and devices were costing jobs. The crowd fell silent. The executioner checked and re-checked his equipment. As the engineer was marched up to the guillotine, he looked carefully at it, and said, "Wait. I see your problem...."

[ruger.45]

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don't pee on our hands."

[chester12]

The assignment given to a group of engineers was to measure the height of a flagpole. They gathered the ladders and tape measures and headed to the flagpole to carry out their task. They weren't having much luck though, since they kept dropping the tape measures and falling off the ladders.
Observing what they were attempting to do, a designer approached them and offered to help. He pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it down flat, measured it from one end to the other, gave the measurements to one of the engineers and walked away.
After the designer had gone, one of the engineers turned to the others and said, "Well isn't that just like a designer. We're looking for the height of the flagpole and he gives us the length."

The things that Designers do for Engineers.

[ruger.45]

Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps.

After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer. Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did you know?"

"Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron."

Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?"

He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know that?"

"Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping my cylinder."

Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?"

"I certainly am," he answered. "How could you have known that?"

"Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village."

[hillcountryhunter]

These are all great....I don't have any real jokes, but when I was going to school for electrical engineering one of our professors always told us that if we couldn't hack it in electrical, chemical, or mechanical that the civil department is always accepting applicants.

[baldybarton]

An engineering major and a math major were put into a room and placed 20 feet away from a beautiful girl. They were both told to move half way to the girl. the engineer went the math major stayed still. They were then told to go half way again. The engineer went and the math major stayed still. The math major was then asked why he was not moving and he said he was not moving because he could never get all the way there. When the engineer heard the math majors answer he replied but you can get close enough!!!

[Bily Lovec]

[DR.OLDS]

Knock Knock.......Who's There?......1st Post By...... 1st Post By Who?......1st Post of 30 By DR. OLDS

[Husker]

These are all great....I don't have any real jokes, but when I was going to school for electrical engineering one of our professors always told us that if we couldn't hack it in electrical, chemical, or mechanical that the civil department is always accepting applicants.

That is what I did

[Mayhem]

tell them that you always wanted to drive a train too.

best i got.

[30-30]

tell them that you always wanted to drive a train too.

best i got.

lol took me a minute!

[Bigdaddy]

Whats the difference between an engineer and God? God does not think he is an engineer.

[Bily Lovec]

tell them that you always wanted to drive a train too.

best i got.

part of my job description is training engineers on connection design. I call new grads "whistle pullers"