Sexual abuse question

[Twist]

Be very careful how you approach this. There could be "things" in the closet you haven't considered. Im not trying to tarnish your friend in any way whatsoever but many times those who are abused, grow up and abuse. Again I'm not suggesting your friend did but there's always that possibility too. Please don't take this in a way its not intended. I'm only thinking of the relationships you have with his ex and children. I have nieces who were abused by their step-dad and he was abused by his father. Noone ever expected it from him. Nicest guy you'd ever meet and seemed like the "perfect dad". Just something to consider.

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That's exactly why I said I personally wouldn't go to the kids. I'm not making an accusation and didn't want to come across as doing so in my first post but, in the event that is the case, something like what the OP is thinking of relaying should come from their mother and not a friend of their father.

[ca1219]

Be very careful how you approach this. There could be "things" in the closet you haven't considered. Im not trying to tarnish your friend in any way whatsoever but many times those who are abused, grow up and abuse. Again I'm not suggesting your friend did but there's always that possibility too. Please don't take this in a way its not intended. I'm only thinking of the relationships you have with his ex and children. I have nieces who were abused by their step-dad and he was abused by his father. Noone ever expected it from him. Nicest guy you'd ever meet and seemed like the "perfect dad". Just something to consider.

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I understand completely where this man is coming from in this response. But also, at some point if it was a situation that continued on..... at some point the cycle needs to be broke. If by some horrible chance he continued on with behavior he suffered as a child, talking to his kids and family could potentially stop the cycle from continuing. Again, speaking from things I have witnessed with loved ones.... One thing I can most definitely say is that not talking about it and keeping it in the dark will not fix or stop the cycle from potentially continuing.

[scarecrow]

PRAY PRAY PRAY for guidance Tell IMO the information may answer a lot of questions about their father. PRAY

[Bro. Bill]

That’s exactly what he did to him Bill. Except he didn’t ask. Totally destroyed Tim.

Yes it did destroy him..

I seen first hand the effects of sexual abuse..
I was a minister at a home where CPS holds children until their cases are investigated ..
The story’s are tough to hear..

[riverbowman]

One thing I think I would consider is the rest of the family, other kids that may have been abused and how it may effect them and their families - not sure that would change my mind but it might depending on family dynamics.

Seems like his kids need to know.

You mentioned his siblings may have suffered as well. Just be aware that it could cause a severe downward spiral if they shared the same horror and it comes out in the open. Some seriously repressed stuff could completely knock them off the rails in their life. I've seen it happen to someone in their 50's when others became aware of something they were keeping silent.

[Hogmauler]

This is turning into a ****ed if you do ****ed if you don’t situation. And no I don’t think any of y’all are trying to tarnish my buddy’s reputation. These have all been legit answers as far as I’m concerned. And btw, I apologize for this not being bow hunting related for those brothers out there that get bothered by this. I know I can count on people on this website to be truthful. And the most amazing thing is I’ve never met 99% of them.

[Bro. Bill]

Pm sent

[highspeed]

This is turning into a ****ed if you do ****ed if you don’t situation. And no I don’t think any of y’all are trying to tarnish my buddy’s reputation. These have all been legit answers as far as I’m concerned. And btw, I apologize for this not being bow hunting related for those brothers out there that get bothered by this. I know I can count on people on this website to be truthful. And the most amazing thing is I’ve never met 99% of them.

Tell them. They deserve to know the truth and how it affected him.

[ca1219]

PM sent from me as well.

[Hogmauler]

I’m feeling ya RD and I hope your wrong brother.

[meltingfeather]

That's really tough.
I don't know the people involved, but it may help them understand and heal to know he struggled. Get all the input you can and you'll have to make a tough decision no matter what, but trusted advisors may have words of wisdom that will help you.
There's an old saying: You are only as sick as your secrets.

[Hogmauler]

Bro Bill I’ll hit you up as soon as I can. We’re fixing to burn off to College Station.

[Bro. Bill]

bro bill i’ll hit you up as soon as i can. We’re fixing to burn off to college station.

👍

[BarW]

One of the reasons sexual abuse is still an epidemic is no one talks about it and shine the light of day on the subject.
It's horrendous and part of our job as Christians and Godly men I believe is to shine a light in the dark.

His kids deserve closer at the very least.

I think by knowing to ask the questions you've already answered for yourself.



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[Hogmauler]

Right y’all but consider the can of worms this has opened up. Some say tell the X. Others say don’t tell the X tell the Kids. Wait a minute, you buddy may have continued and abused as well. All valid points. I have read the pms and now have a much better picture of victims of abuse and what they live with. My buddy was very hard on his son according to the daughter, and very lenient on the daughter.