Sexual abuse question

[JustinB]

If the kids are adults , skip telling the wife. Your friend was fixing the wrongs he did To his kids , not one of three ex wives. The kids should hear it from you , not from someone who may not even tell them ......

ABSOLUTELY. Skip the exes.

[Burnadell]

Do you know for sure that he never told his wife or kids?

[JustinB]

My last post on this one....you'll make a good decision.

But look, yes he told you because he knew you wouldn't tell anybody. But he has no objective perspective on the situation because he's smack in the middle of it. As an outside observer, you can see the whole situation and how each individual is impacted.

[Hogmauler]

He told me he has never told anyone else and I believe him.

[Bro. Bill]

Yes they should know.. and I like the idea that JustinB said letters ..

The reason why I say they should know is....
As a 10 year old kid I had a family member uncle that came right out and asked
For a bl ow job!!
I ran as fast as I could and stayed by my dad and that uncle lurked around for hours staring at me.
With his finger on his lips like saying you better not say anything..
Well we didn’t see that side of the family very much in the years to follow and when we did go I made sure to stay close to my parents..
My dad a WW2 vet would have killed that uncle if he had known.
I never said anything to anyone about it until a Cousin my age broke down 30 years later and told me that the uncle had sexually abused him and his brothers for years.
One of the brothers at 16 stuck a 45 in his mouth and took his own life..
The other has very little to say when spoken to and won’t look at you In the eye.
And the cousin who opened up to me has a family.. and has fought battles to hold his family together..
I often look back as that scared 10 year old and say to myself If I had only told my dad that day it might of saved the rest of my cousins from going through what they did.
I believe you bringing it to light will help ALL of his family find forgiveness..

[Huntsman27]

This is a tough spot and initially I would lean toward telling them, although that would be a tough conversation.

One thing I think I would consider is the rest of the family, other kids that may have been abused and how it may effect them and their families - not sure that would change my mind but it might depending on family dynamics.

Before I did anything I think I would seek some professional counsel or pastoral counsel for advice.

[Hogmauler]

That’s exactly what he did to him Bill. Except he didn’t ask. Totally destroyed Tim.

[bdog14]

I'd tell the Ex. Both stories are heartbreaking. I hope both of the sickos burn in hell.

[rolylane6]

Be very careful how you approach this. There could be "things" in the closet you haven't considered. Im not trying to tarnish your friend in any way whatsoever but many times those who are abused, grow up and abuse. Again I'm not suggesting your friend did but there's always that possibility too. Please don't take this in a way its not intended. I'm only thinking of the relationships you have with his ex and children. I have nieces who were abused by their step-dad and he was abused by his father. Noone ever expected it from him. Nicest guy you'd ever meet and seemed like the "perfect dad". Just something to consider.

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[Hogmauler]

They will definitely have their day in front of the Divine Judge.

[eastxhunter]

If the kids are adults speak it to them like adults

[Hogmauler]

Wow Roly this getting complicated now. Maybe I tell his wife after all. Just don’t know. He had told me that when he spoke to his kids regarding their divorce that there were things that the wife didn’t tell them. Namely that he only took enough money, $5,000.00 to buy a small used travel trailer to live in. They thought he had cleaned them out.

[ca1219]

Wow such a tragic story, my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered any kind of sexual abuse. I unfortunately know how much damage that can do to someone. I have witnessed it with my own eyes and would not wish it on my worst enemy. Now that being said I agree with what some others have stated. I think he ultimately told you for a reason, he may not have even known what that reason was at the time he told you. I personally think you would be doing his ex wife and kids a genuine thing by letting them know. Having known what it is like to have a parent that wasn't the best, I lost my mom almost 7 years ago due to her struggles with addiction. It is too late for myself of them to repair a relationship with a parent that is gone, but it could do wonders helping them with any struggles they deal with on a regular basis that you or anyone else might not even know about. Sometimes simply understanding why something happened can do wonders with the soul!!

[RattlesnakeDan]

I am not going to give any advice specifically, but crimes left unpunished tend to repeat themselves.

[rolylane6]

Sorry brother, just trying to help. Wish I could tell ya the easy way but I dont know what it is..except pray on it.

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