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Am I doing it wrong?

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    Am I doing it wrong?

    So I'm a new Dad and I'm not sure if I'm doing it right or not. My wife keeps hounding me, but in MY mind, I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job. Maybe you seasoned Dads out there can hear me out and give me an honest opinion. So here we go...

    Daily routine during the week:

    I get home from work around 5:30 everyday, and I will admit, I come home and get in my recliner for about 30 minutes of R&R, supper is usually going, so I get the little one in the recliner with me and spend some time while momma is cookin. I usually eat first, then I get my daughter so my wife can eat. By now it's usually 7:30 or so. Between 7:30-9 sometimes I have her, sometimes my wife has her. I usually am try to mow or do the manly things around the house whether it's inside or outside. By 9, wife gives her a bath, feeds her, and has her in bed by 10. By 10, I'm cleaning bottles and getting them all ready for the next day.

    Baby sleeps from 10pm-10-10:30am straight through without waking up. My wife doesn't work, so she is usually in bed until my daughter wakes up mid morning. My daughter also naps for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Usually 3-5 or so.

    Then repeat.


    On the weekends, I relieve my wife of the morning feedings and when she gets out of bed, I give her our daughter and try to get a little extra done around the house on the weekends.

    I change diapers when there's an opportunity, I feed her when there's an opportunity. Her parents also love one street over so they are constantly over to see the grandbaby in the evenings.

    Basically, her argument is that I don't pay enough attention to our daughter and I don't interact with everyone in the house.

    In my eyes, I'm home for just a few hours during the week. My time is obviously limited compared to my wife's. I'm also tired from a long day and I feel like I'm doing what I can during the week, but she doesn't think so. Her other argument is that I'm on my phone too much in the evenings. To me, it's no different than her watching TV. Both are forms of entertainment, I just don't always care to watch what she's watching.

    Yet, I don't have a valid argument when I come home and there are still dishes in the sink or clothes aren't washed, or the house isn't picked up. Her argument is "I'm taking care of our child all day" my argument is, "get out of bed when I do in the morning instead of sleeping till 10 and you'd have several hours to get things done around the house before our daughter even wakes up. There's also that 2 hour gap during nap time.

    We are happily married without a doubt, and we love each other a lot. We're just butting heads a little.

    What you say?

    (Ultimately, it's what momma says, I know!)

    #2
    I got nothin....but heck, this ought to be good!

    Comment


      #3
      She's right, you're wrong. 'Nuff said.






      Kidding......kinda

      Comment


        #4
        Women, you can't dig a hole deep enough that they can't crawl out of, so I just turn my deaf ear to mine.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by BtechDestroyer View Post
          My wife doesn't work...
          I don't know about all the rest. I'm sure you both have valid thoughts and feelings about your individual contributions to the needs of your family. Without question, having a baby in the house is a 24/7/365 job for both parents.

          But the first thing you need to correct is the statement I quoted. I would bet a year's salary that if you quit your job tomorrow to stay home while your wife left the house every day to a paying job that by the time she got her first paycheck you would be ready to return to your job and have your wife return home to "not" work again.

          No doubt, you are working your tail off at your job, and you are doing your best to help out at home as well. I'm not minimizing that at all. And I'm sure your wife doesn't fully understand how hard you are trying. But I can just about guarantee you that you don't fully understand how hard she is working every waking moment of every day of every week to take care of your child and your home. You're both working over time, and you're both tired. You will both feel a little burned out and/or under-appreciated from time to time. That's normal. It comes with the territory of raising kids and just being bone tired from it.

          Just don't let it eat at you or become a source of bitterness. Give each other a break as often as possible. Lean on the grandparents for babysitting every now and then, and take the opportunity to take your wife out on a date - away from the house and away from the baby. Everybody needs some time to get away and relax sometimes. Stay close to each other.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Speedgoat View Post
            Women, you can't dig a hole deep enough that they can't crawl out of, so I just turn my deaf ear to mine.
            Yep!

            Women...you can't live with 'em...you can't...I forget the rest!

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Shane View Post
              I don't know about all the rest. I'm sure you both have valid thoughts and feelings about your individual contributions to the needs of your family. Without question, having a baby in the house is a 24/7/365 job for both parents.

              But the first thing you need to correct is the statement I quoted. I would bet a year's salary that if you quit your job tomorrow to stay home while your wife left the house every day to a paying job that by the time she got her first paycheck you would be ready to return to your job and have your wife return home to "not" work again.

              No doubt, you are working your tail off at your job, and you are doing your best to help out at home as well. I'm not minimizing that at all. And I'm sure your wife doesn't fully understand how hard you are trying. But I can just about guarantee you that you don't fully understand how hard she is working every waking moment of every day of every week to take care of your child and your home. You're both working over time, and you're both tired. You will both feel a little burned out and/or under-appreciated from time to time. That's normal. It comes with the territory of raising kids and just being bone tired from it.

              Just don't let it eat at you or become a source of bitterness. Give each other a break as often as possible. Lean on the grandparents for babysitting every now and then, and take the opportunity to take your wife out on a date - away from the house and away from the baby. Everybody needs some time to get away and relax sometimes. Stay close to each other.
              I completely agree. I know she "works" all day, I should have probably worded that differently.

              Maybe we are both expecting more out of each other than what's really possible.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by BowSlayer View Post
                She's right, you're wrong. 'Nuff said.






                Kidding......kinda
                I was waiting for it

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by BtechDestroyer View Post
                  I completely agree. I know she "works" all day, I should have probably worded that differently.

                  Maybe we are both expecting more out of each other than what's really possible.
                  You're both working hard, and you're both tired. Just keep plugging. Look for opportunities to make life easier for your wife, and act on them as often as possible. It will come back around to you, but be willing to go the extra mile first yourself.

                  I wish I'd had the wisdom to follow that advice myself when I was a new dad. Sadly, I didn't. I had to learn things the hard way. I don't recommend that method.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    How old is the kid? I'm a stay at home dad. There are days / weeks where you flat out can't get anything done. Especially when the kids get clingy and u can't take a half step without them on u.

                    The "manly" stuff, if it doesnt absolutely have to be done, it gets put off until all the dishes and laundry is done. Mowing is different, it's got to be done.

                    One of the biggest things is ur wife knowing that she is appreciated. Makes a big difference in my attitude. It really starts to weigh on you when u clean or pickup the same thing 3 or 4 times a day, EVERY day.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Shane's got it!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I am in a similar situation. 8 month boy. Everything in your routine is almost exact. My boy sleeps 9pm to 7am. Wife does not work. Now the difference. My wife gets up before me to fix my lunch. She thanks me when I watch the boy for her to go to the store. I know I have it made. In return I work hard to support her monetarily, mentally and emotionally. My only advise it to remember that she still has many emotions and hormone changes. Try to talk it out and lay all of you and you wife's thoughts and feelings on the table. Remember that it is not a contest.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Those are interesting hours for the baby to sleep. It's great that she sleeps through the night, how old is she? We put our young one down at 7, she sleeps 7 to 7. We put our older ones down at 8. Then we have a private dinner together. I do breakfast with the kids before work. I am not saying 10 to 10 is bad but I would say it's a later bedtime than average. Sounds like you help out, but maybe you guys are lacking adult time? What about a date night once a week with no kid? I would guess that her issues actually have very little to do with child care.

                          I have 3 girls, the oldest is 3 and a half.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I have no real input, since I am single, but if you was a rich man, I say hire a teenage girl to help her out a couple of times a week.

                            But really, we all get in a routine. We are animals of habit. She has got in this groove or "habit" and she is fixed in what she is doing.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Shane View Post
                              You're both working hard, and you're both tired. Just keep plugging. Look for opportunities to make life easier for your wife, and act on them as often as possible. It will come back around to you, but be willing to go the extra mile first yourself.

                              I wish I'd had the wisdom to follow that advice myself when I was a new dad. Sadly, I didn't. I had to learn things the hard way. I don't recommend that method.
                              All kidding aside Shane is spot on!

                              I was the same way when I was young. Once I stopped keeping score my marriage went a lot smoother.

                              Comment

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