Am I doing it wrong?

[BigL]

You can try to be right or you can be happy, your choice.

I have 3 kids and was stubborn on the first 2. Now on #3, I dont sound like you as much as I did before. I usually do dishes after everyone is in bed including my baby's momma. She's watching her shows while I help out more. Find that by helping more, I get more of what caused 3 kids...

Remember you're at work having conversations with adults and making adult decisions. She's at home working but having baby talk. Which would you rather do?

[Sleepy]

How old is the kid? I'm a stay at home dad. There are days / weeks where you flat out can't get anything done. Especially when the kids get clingy and u can't take a half step without them on u.

The "manly" stuff, if it doesnt absolutely have to be done, it gets put off until all the dishes and laundry is done. Mowing is different, it's got to be done.

One of the biggest things is ur wife knowing that she is appreciated. Makes a big difference in my attitude. It really starts to weigh on you when u clean or pickup the same thing 3 or 4 times a day, EVERY day.

Our daughter is 3 months old. I also have an 8 year old step-daughter that can sometimes be help when she wants to be.

Her biggest thing is she says I'm not interacting with our daughter enough. She's 3 months old. I don't guess I really know what I can do with her for hours at a time. I can sit in my recliner with her and have her turned towards the tv, and my wife walks through and tells me I need to have her turned around and talk to her. Maybe it's just me, but I fee like there's only so much I can say to a 3 month old. I make her smile for a few minutes and do the baby talk stuff, but after 10 minutes or so, I turn her around and we watch tv. She is very intrigued by that big colorful thing on the wall.

i

[Lonestar Angler]

How old is the kid? I'm a stay at home dad. There are days / weeks where you flat out can't get anything done. Especially when the kids get clingy and u can't take a half step without them on u.

The "manly" stuff, if it doesnt absolutely have to be done, it gets put off until all the dishes and laundry is done. Mowing is different, it's got to be done.

One of the biggest things is ur wife knowing that she is appreciated. Makes a big difference in my attitude. It really starts to weigh on you when u clean or pickup the same thing 3 or 4 times a day, EVERY day.

This!!!! Everything except the stay at home dad thing.

[CastAndBlast]

I don't know about all the rest. I'm sure you both have valid thoughts and feelings about your individual contributions to the needs of your family. Without question, having a baby in the house is a 24/7/365 job for both parents.



But the first thing you need to correct is the statement I quoted. I would bet a year's salary that if you quit your job tomorrow to stay home while your wife left the house every day to a paying job that by the time she got her first paycheck you would be ready to return to your job and have your wife return home to "not" work again.



No doubt, you are working your tail off at your job, and you are doing your best to help out at home as well. I'm not minimizing that at all. And I'm sure your wife doesn't fully understand how hard you are trying. But I can just about guarantee you that you don't fully understand how hard she is working every waking moment of every day of every week to take care of your child and your home. You're both working over time, and you're both tired. You will both feel a little burned out and/or under-appreciated from time to time. That's normal. It comes with the territory of raising kids and just being bone tired from it.



Just don't let it eat at you or become a source of bitterness. Give each other a break as often as possible. Lean on the grandparents for babysitting every now and then, and take the opportunity to take your wife out on a date - away from the house and away from the baby. Everybody needs some time to get away and relax sometimes. Stay close to each other.

This is the best answer you will find!

Maybe we are both expecting more out of each other than what's really possible.

And this is the best response! End of thread!

You will not understand her way of thinking and she will not understand yours. The most important thing is that you both understand that! Then agree that you will both do the best you can to help each other out. I'm very guilty of always expecting more out my family and loved ones than I would any one else, but I often have to try to walk in their shoes to see that I am not being reasonable (not pointing fingers at you or her).

Good luck buddy

[Txfshrmn]

I glanced through and agree with everyone! I know it's hard. I have a 15 YO daughter and a almost 2 YO. We've now been married 17 years and the first kid was the hardest thing I've ever done. Definitely easier now but it's still a major buzz kill to all my "ME" time. Very hard to go and do anything till they are in bed and by that time ?I am ready for bed.
Like Shane said, look for a way to be supportive and understanding, but be open and communicate. Communicating with your wife is by far the most important thing. Your a team and it has to be that way for it all to work. Good luck and be positive.

[Blane]

Give her a day every now and then to get out. Talk with the grandparents and let them watch the baby at their house. Set your wife up a mani/pedi somewhere and hire someone to come clean the house without her knowing it. Its amazing what a clean house smells like and feels like to a woman when they havent done it themselves. Ive got two little girls and I can assure you that I have had these same conversations. I think we would all be better off if we went back to bag phones or flip phones. Wives included. Good luck and dont let it eat at the two of you, it can lead to bigger things.

[Sleepy]

Those are interesting hours for the baby to sleep. It's great that she sleeps through the night, how old is she? We put our young one down at 7, she sleeps 7 to 7. We put our older ones down at 8. Then we have a private dinner together. I do breakfast with the kids before work. I am not saying 10 to 10 is bad but I would say it's a later bedtime than average. Sounds like you help out, but maybe you guys are lacking adult time? What about a date night once a week with no kid? I would guess that her issues actually have very little to do with child care.

I have 3 girls, the oldest is 3 and a half.

She's 3 months. Been sleeping 12 hours/night since 6 weeks...yea, we got spoiled. Odd sleeping times you say, I agree. I think it's mostly cause momma doesn't like to get up early. I wish it was more like 8pm-8am or so. That way we have "our time" for a couple of hours. Instead, we have no time because by the time baby is in bed, we start getting ready for bed.

[Blane]

And I was the absolute same way when my babies were little. I wasnt a horrible dad, but I really didnt know what to do. I like it when they can talk back and move and crawl around. Now they are 3.5 and 1.5 and I dont like to leave the house without them.

[hgiles]

Sounds like how it went when our daughter was born... lol Can't tell you the amount of times I heard similar things. It does get better. You both are still adjusting. Hang in there and don't get frustrated.

[DosToros]

like you said, you DO interact with your little one. That's what makes me think she might feel like she's lacking in another area. Your wife JUST had this child. Her body and emotions are going through some crazy stuff right now. If I were you I would go back to dating 101. Grab flowers for her at Heb once a month. Send her a few random texts throughout the day showing her support. Take her out on occasional dates. I think you will see a difference. That's my 2 cents fwiw. Good luck!

[Sleepy]

And I was the absolute same way when my babies were little. I wasnt a horrible dad, but I really didnt know what to do. I like it when they can talk back and move and crawl around. Now they are 3.5 and 1.5 and I dont like to leave the house without them.

I think when she gets to be these ages is when I'll start shining. I love kids and playing with them.

[hellbndr23]

Our daughter is 3 months old. I also have an 8 year old step-daughter that can sometimes be help when she wants to be.

Her biggest thing is she says I'm not interacting with our daughter enough. She's 3 months old. I don't guess I really know what I can do with her for hours at a time. I can sit in my recliner with her and have her turned towards the tv, and my wife walks through and tells me I need to have her turned around and talk to her. Maybe it's just me, but I fee like there's only so much I can say to a 3 month old. I make her smile for a few minutes and do the baby talk stuff, but after 10 minutes or so, I turn her around and we watch tv. She is very intrigued by that big colorful thing on the wall.

i

Don't talk baby talk to her just talk regular. Go sit on the floor with her and tell her everything you did during the day. Explain how an engine works. It doesn't matter. Show her how ur hands work, whatever. Pretty easy, you making noise will make her happy.

[DosToros]

And congratulations!

[jruss]

Ok I have a grate aunt that told me before I got merried. That if you want a great merrige someone is going to have to eat sh**. Her words not mine. But it is what it is. Sometimes it's you sometimes it's her. If she says your not spending enough time then don't mow bro. The grass will die the end of November. Devorce is 50/50. Marriage is 100/100.

[Sleepy]

Don't talk baby talk to her just talk regular. Go sit on the floor with her and tell her everything you did during the day. Explain how an engine works. It doesn't matter. Show her how ur hands work, whatever. Pretty easy, you making noise will make her happy.

Yea, I don't go quite as hardcore baby talk as my wife and MIL lol