When is enough enough?

[Atfulldraw]

I'll just say this -- today I got a text from my ex about potential changing of plans three weeks out from now. Now I have time to check my schedule and respond appropriately.

That kind of training didn't happen overnight

there was some growling and biting involved at first.

[Atfulldraw]

i'm going to be in the minority

go get your kids. . . . . as a child from a broken home and a Father of kids in a broken home i honestly never say no if I can.

No comes out when I can't. If yall were married you'd be equally yoked to those kids . . . . being divorced shouldn't change that.

but that's not going to be a popular answer

I totally get what you are saying, but common courtesy applies whether you live in the same house or not.

[txdukklr]

I totally get what you are saying, but common courtesy applies whether you live in the same house or not.

i know with my ex

if she had common courtesy . . . .we might still be married.

but agree its preferred, not saying there isn't some choice words back and forth. End result is I don't care if I can change my plan I'll tolerate the inconvenience for my kids.

[Sharp Shooter13]

i know with my ex

if she had common courtesy . . . .we might still be married.

but agree its preferred, not saying there isn't some choice words back and forth. End result is I don't care if I can change my plan I'll tolerate the inconvenience for my kids.

this right here...

[Joshua Flournoy]

Kinda what I was thinking, just in different houses. Tell her you can take them full time if they are becoming a burden to her and her plans.

This^^

[WCB]

Do y'all still have sex? Should as your getting screwed anyway...

Except your getting time with the kiddos and nothing can beat that!!

[JSF]

If you want to get more custody, call you lawyer & see if playing along with her and documenting it will achieve that.
If you don't, tell her no. If you don't answer calls or texts she may use that against you. "You're never there in an 'emergency' situation". Whereas if you pickup & say no, you at least know it wasn't a real emergency.

This......use the situation to gain more legal rights to your boys. ......or just tell her no.......or just enjoy the time with your children especially if your about to ship out.

[RWB]

Single dad here for the last 4 years. I would say whatever it takes get the kids i dont care what the papers say about custody. I would keep track of every instance where this happens though. In fact I would encourge her to leave them with you as much as possible and keep track of when she did, why and what you and the kids did. Sounds like she might be a little more intersted in having fun than focusing on the kids and you will be fighting for custody before its all said and done. just my 2 cents been down this road before.

[Extremebowman]

Lots of good advise so far. Just gotta use which ones apply to your situation.

I'm 2 1/2 years post divorce and still going through some of that, but it has gotten a lot better. It really P'd me off at first because I was bitter. Once that left and I could see clearly I realized that when those situations came up I had to stop looking at it as I was doing something for her, I was doing it for my kids. I did explain to her that no notice was not acceptable, however I still jumped when needed .... for my babies, not her.

It's tough, and as was said before by another, I have canceled, rescheduled and missed many events, trips, whatever due to her lack of planning. But, none of those things compare to more time with my kids. My little ones are 7&8. I also have a 14 year old. My 14 has taught me how busy their lives get with HS sports, friends, etc., so I take advantage of EVERY opportunity to spend time with them while theyre little. 10 years from now my "nest" will be empty, I'll have my time then!

[dirt dauber]

My question is why? What is she doing that she needs you constantly at the last minute? Tell her you have no problems helping out more but you need advance notice. Like a previous person posted.. your still married just living in seperate houses.

This…and never ever stop with the kids. They will be what you make them to be. Love and guidance is all they need and all they want, whether they know it or not (at times).

[huntinag96]

i'm going to be in the minority

go get your kids. . . . . as a child from a broken home and a Father of kids in a broken home i honestly never say no if I can.

No comes out when I can't. If yall were married you'd be equally yoked to those kids . . . . being divorced shouldn't change that.

but that's not going to be a popular answer

X 2. Solid advice here.

[Charles]

i'm going to be in the minority

go get your kids. . . . . as a child from a broken home and a Father of kids in a broken home i honestly never say no if I can.

No comes out when I can't. If yall were married you'd be equally yoked to those kids . . . . being divorced shouldn't change that.

but that's not going to be a popular answer

Well said!

[Envy1824]

Im wondering if some of these calls come at night so she can party. If so document everything and how some said before if the kids are becoming a burden for her then have her give you full custody. Tell her no on last minute calls because she doesn't want to or is out with friends. She might need to learn she also has a responsibility of raising the kids and doesn't all fall on you. She is taking advantage of you and she knows she can.

[Legdog]

It almost seems like some just enjoy pushing her buttons.

The key to post divorce success is indifference. Just like when you married her, she's not perfect and she's going to make mistakes. The key is recognizing what's worth escalating and what's worth blowing off. Chances are, unless she's a crackhead or outlaw, most stuff can be blown off. When they can no longer get a rise out of you (the mad kind), they become powerless where you are concerned.

In my world, 98% of what my ex does is of no consequence to me. If she breaks the law (as far as I know she doesn't), I'll treat her just like anyone else. If she's in a bad mood, I don't have deal with it. She's not my problem. I wish her the best and for the most part, I appreciate the good job she performs as mother to our children... but that's the end of it.

Questioning why she needs last minute assistance, considering legal action when she does and trying to log every transgression is a one way ticket to misery.

Work with her. Say "yes" a lot. Swallow that bitter response that serves no purpose other than escalation. It works.

If you empty your heart of all emotion where she's concerned you have amazing freedom. You can sit next to her at the play or ball game and it's no big deal. You can occasionally be at the same dinner table on a holiday and again it's no big deal.

Sure it's awkward at times but in the end it's a huge win for the kids. And that's all that matters.

[bow4life]

I can't give too much insight on my own thoughts because I have not been where you are but I would want my kids to grow up knowing I love them too much and went through a lot because I never reached the point of "enough is enough"- I believe the kids will eventually see that their mom puts everything else before her quality time with them.

Either way, good luck and hope you find that peace & joy that you seem to be searching for.