In a weird place... Need some advice..

[TMC50]

Long winded read!!

At the young age of 2, my mom and donor divorced and my mom met mu "dad" who has raised me! Ive known no other. Growing up I questioned my sister who is 6 years older about my donor. She let me know that he used to beat us and my mom....really badly.. That set me in a rage as my mom is my rock..


For the past couple weeks as I've been preparing to move, my sister has been tagging me in post on FB. She is friends with that whole side of the family as she remembers them. My donor is friends with her and keeps saying things about being my "dad"

He hasn't paid a lick of child support, beat my mom and left her for dead, be me when I was defenseless, etc.. Basically he is POS...

He now keeps messaging me, emailing me, trying to be my friend on fb! It rages me to think he would want contact with me! I've emailed him back and let it be known VERY clear that I would beat him if I ever saw him...

What would you do in this?

[Habanarrow]

U made ur peace ! Cut all comms with him and that side of the family. Prayers up man

[Jaspro]

I'd ignore him and wouldn't even have responded with what I would do to him.

[JSF]

Sounds like you already handled it :beer:

[TMC50]

Jason it was a couple years back when I did that! Wasn't thinking when I sent it..

[black dallas]

i completely understand your feelings towards him, and i dont blame you. i personally dont think though, that youll ever find any kind of peace with the situation unless there is some forgiveness on your part. im not saying you gotta go hug him and accept him into your life but man you gotta let go of those hurtful feelings. aint gonna do anyone any good. forgiveness... makes YOU feel a whole lot better!!!

[helibow]

Never been in a situation like this - i'd say this though. There are always three sides to a story and somewhere in the middle lies the truth. People change and forgiveness is a very powerful thing. With that... I cant say my feelings would be different than yours. If you dont feel a connection and a need to explore something more, then dont do it - only you can be the judge of your own emotions.
One question that comes to mind is that your sister is friends with him yet paints him in such negative light. Have you talked to her about how she is able to have a relationship with him in lieu of what has happened in the past? In her opinion is he a different man now than then?
Either way, it's a not so great place to have to be in - good luck with it! This IS the GS... so I'm sure that you will get some great advice from folks who have been in the same position!

[Speedgoat]

Yep, show him how easy it is for a man to beat up an old man just like he beat up women and children

[Landrover]

may sound odd but how are you if you mind me asking?
Married, kiddos of your own?

[greenflag]

I had almost exactly the same situation. I was civil when I saw my "dad" later in life. He was terminal with pancreatic and liver cancer from the chronic alcoholism. I really resented that I had to go to phoenix to take care of his funeral.

Live your life. Be the husband and or father that he never was. Use his mistakes to make yourself a better man.

[Mac...]

You have a dad, you don't need a wanna be...
But knowing me, I'd wanna hear his side before I made my final decision.

[Lungbustr]

Me personally, Id tell him he is a pos and what I think of him and tell him not to try to contact me anymore. By no means am I saying you should do this, but it is what I would do.

[salth2o]

Tough spot to be in for sure. I think I'd ignore any requests to reconnect.

Pray for God's guidance!

[JSF]

Hump him till he pees!!

[J. Colwell]

It is hard to say what I would do as I am not in your shoes although my Dad hasn't always been there either. Since he is somewhat trying to communicate with you, that may be a start and he may have got his life together and wants to make piece with you. He may really regret his actions and decisions he made earlier in his life. If this is the case, I would try to forgive him as much as I could, let him know that the man who raised you will always be your dad, and let him say what he has to say. I would think that pushing him away and not seeing what he has to offer will eat at you for the rest of your life.