never good enough for him

[The "Juan" 12]

ive always felt like ive never been good enough for my pops. its like he is never satisfied with anything i do, i graduate top of my class, he isnt satisfied, i am the first to go to college, he isnt satisfied, i get a full ride scholarship to play baseball, he isnt satisfied, i blow my acl before spring tryouts, of course its my fault, i decide to go play college football, he isnt satisfied, i now wanna go home to concentrate on school, n not play ball anymore(school is too expensive just to stay here), he isnt satisfied. i mean, he has always made me feel like this, i understand he wants what is best for me and all and i love the old man to death, but come on gimme a break. i just hate living with the feeling of im never gunna be good enough for him. i dont know what it is, of course, i always wanna make my pop proud, so i do my best at everything. but there comes a time when i need someone to tlk to abt it, n nobody understands, and its not like i can tlk to him abt it cuz he wont understand either. idk i guess it just bothers me alot and i never know what to do cuz im afraid it just wont be good enough. i guess its just something i gotta live with. oh well, thanks for the vent.

leo

[teamfirstcast]

i do know that feeling, and you dad prob does feel like he is proud of you but just cannot say it to you because of his own hangups. Maybe he feels that if he says good job or Well done, he may think you would quit trying to do better... and we can always improve in our own way. But, in truth, you must live your life for you and be the best you can be, choose you own destiny and one day he will see and appreciate you for who you are not what you have done. Time will pass, it will get better, do not be discouraged. Sounds like you've done great so far to me. Well done!

[SOTXBOWHUNTER]

Sounds like your doing pretty good to me... Keep your head up and do things for yourself. If not you will never be satisfied.

[sailor]

Why are you not, trying to satisfy yourself, instead of him?
It's your life, not his.
Grow a pair.
Apparently,you reconize the problem. Now man-up.
He'll come to you,when he see's your, your own man.
If you set your standards, to meet his expectations,you will always loose.

[BowVista]

Why are you not, trying to satisfy yourself, instead of him?
It's your life, not his.
Grow a pair.
Apparently,you reconize the problem. Now man-up.
He'll come to you,when he see's your, your own man.
If you set your standards, to meet his expectations,you will always loose.

Man, I'm not a psychologist, but I'd be willing to bet that didn't help much. Grow a pair?

Leo, there are lots of men, particularly men over the age of 50 (no offense guys), who just grew up different than we have. They work hard, and their efforts, and hard work are their "statement of emotion". They are proud of many things - in many ways, but just not as emotionally "exposed" as younger generations. I'm not sure what it is, but every generation seems to be a little more emotionally open and communicative than the generation previous to it. I might get flamed for this, but I think it's due to things like TV, and social differences that expose us to so many variations of emotion, and personality.

My dad is that way in lots of respects. He grew up with a VERY hardworking father, who wasn't very verbally encouraging to him as a child. My dad, while more emotionally supportive than his father, was still not as emotionally open as I am, and plan to be with my children. When I was around your age, I talked about all this with him, and he showed me an emotional side I'd never seen. He was pretty ashamed and sad that I'd had reason to question his pride and love for me. Since that day, he's pretty quick to tell me all of the things I'd wanted to hear for years. I'd be willing to bet, your dad would be the same way. It's just hard, because of the differences in generations, for them to express their honest emotions and thoughts.

You're obviously a smart dude, and a hard working guy. He has to be proud of you. Your willingness to be open and honest here, says a lot about your character, and desire for truth and expression in your life. I'd encourage you to talk to your dad. He's potentially withholding his praise, for the same reason you're hesitant to discuss your feelings with him. You both just need to work on your communication with each other. Love is big, and it manifests itself in strong and healing ways. I'd bet quite a bit on the fact that you both feel things so deeply for each other that it'd be hard to express. Open communication is key with stuff like this.

Either way bro, keep your head up. If I remember right from your previous posts, you've got your FAITH in the right place, and in the right Father. Our earthly fathers will always disappoint. I hate it, but I disappoint my kids often. Pray for your dad. Ask the Lord to open his heart and eyes, as well as your own.

Before you bug out of town, if you do decide to go home, you need to come hang at my house sometime. We can eat, shoot, and hang out around the firepit out back.

[The "Juan" 12]

Man, I'm not a psychologist, but I'd be willing to bet that didn't help much. Grow a pair?

Leo, there are lots of men, particularly men over the age of 50 (no offense guys), who just grew up different than we have. They work hard, and their efforts, and hard work are their "statement of emotion". They are proud of many things - in many ways, but just not as emotionally "exposed" as younger generations. I'm not sure what it is, but every generation seems to be a little more emotionally open and communicative than the generation previous to it. I might get flamed for this, but I think it's due to things like TV, and social differences that expose us to so many variations of emotion, and personality.

My dad is that way in lots of respects. He grew up with a VERY hardworking father, who wasn't very verbally encouraging to him as a child. My dad, while more emotionally supportive than his father, was still not as emotionally open as I am, and plan to be with my children. When I was around your age, I talked about all this with him, and he showed me an emotional side I'd never seen. He was pretty ashamed and sad that I'd had reason to question his pride and love for me. Since that day, he's pretty quick to tell me all of the things I'd wanted to hear for years. I'd be willing to bet, your dad would be the same way. It's just hard, because of the differences in generations, for them to express their honest emotions and thoughts.

You're obviously a smart dude, and a hard working guy. He has to be proud of you. Your willingness to be open and honest here, says a lot about your character, and desire for truth and expression in your life. I'd encourage you to talk to your dad. He's potentially withholding his praise, for the same reason you're hesitant to discuss your feelings with him. You both just need to work on your communication with each other. Love is big, and it manifests itself in strong and healing ways. I'd bet quite a bit on the fact that you both feel things so deeply for each other that it'd be hard to express. Open communication is key with stuff like this.

Either way bro, keep your head up. If I remember right from your previous posts, you've got your FAITH in the right place, and in the right Father. Our earthly fathers will always disappoint. I hate it, but I disappoint my kids often. Pray for your dad. Ask the Lord to open his heart and eyes, as well as your own.

Before you bug out of town, if you do decide to go home, you need to come hang at my house sometime. We can eat, shoot, and hang out around the firepit out back.

thanks this truly helped. opened my eyes on alot of things. i guess i just have always been afraid to tell him abt it cuz i think he would get mad or be upset. but maybe your right, its prolly better to talk to him abt it, then leave it unsaid.

and yeah most def, that sounds like fun and relaxing. although i am bowless right now since im not getting my new one till christmas, hanging out and relaxing sounds great. ill shoot you a pm and let you know when i can get a day off from good ol football.

thanks again for your input, i will talk to my old man this weekend in person.

[furboom]

BowVista hit the nail right on the head. My dad was the same way. Very "old school", for some reason men back then just didn't express themselves very well, especially to their sons. I'll bet your dad brags to his friends about you, you just won't hear it. I know my dad loved me, although he never told me. It wasn't till after his death that I found out from other family members and friends just how much he did love me. That is a mistake I will not repeat with my boys.
I'll keep you in my prayers. I know that God will give you the words to say when you talk to your dad. No matter the outcome of your conversation know this, your accomplishments are good enough, and so are you, and deep down they really are good enough for your dad too. God bless you.

[The "Juan" 12]

thanks furboom, i really appreciate that! means alot. good to know theres still great people out there willing to listen to your troubles

[Kodiakk]

As a father my most important job in my opinion is making my kids independant people that can fight through any adversity. I am not easy on my kids, because I don't want them to think they will have someone patting them on their bottom all the way through their life. I'm hesitant to tell my kids they have done enough, because I don't want them stopping there. They can tackle any challenge they put their mind to if they are just willing to go through the hard work and focus on their goals. Nothing is above them, or to good for them.

I make sure to tell them I love them, but I'm not overly mushy. I encourage them not to cry, because in the real world it helps nothing. It's a wasted effort. They could be better using their time to figure out a solution. I try to get that fire inside them to burn brighter. To love a challenge and to defeat that challenge. To have passion and drive.

When I'm not around them I brag on them constantly about their own strengths. My oldest gets great grades and is book smart. My youngest is very physical and full of spit and venom. They both have their strengths and their weaknesses. I see these and try to encourage them to strengthen their weaknesses.

I have two girls. I'm a little rough on them compared to some, but I want them strong so nobody can take advantage of them.

I say all this just to give you the thoughts of a father maybe similar to your father in some ways. My kids could claim the things you said about your father, about me. You're in college, so you have a ways before you're grown up and settled. He's probally just pushing you to get the most potential out of you.

[The "Juan" 12]

i fully understand what your getting at and what you mean, again, thanks alot kodiakk. means alot!

[Skinny]

I totally agree with what has been said above. Dad's can be pretty dry sometimes with their sons for sure.

One question: When is the last time you went up to your Dad, gave him a big hug, and told him how much you love him?

[The "Juan" 12]

I totally agree with what has been said above. Dad's can be pretty dry sometimes with their sons for sure.

One question: When is the last time you went up to your Dad, gave him a big hug, and told him how much you love him?

everytime i tlk to him on the phone, abt 4 times a day, i always let him know i love him. and everytime he makes it to my football games i always give him a big hug and tell him thanks for coming and let him know i love him.

[TreeNap]

Man, I'm not a psychologist, but I'd be willing to bet that didn't help much. Grow a pair?

Leo, there are lots of men, particularly men over the age of 50 (no offense guys), who just grew up different than we have. They work hard, and their efforts, and hard work are their "statement of emotion". They are proud of many things - in many ways, but just not as emotionally "exposed" as younger generations. I'm not sure what it is, but every generation seems to be a little more emotionally open and communicative than the generation previous to it. I might get flamed for this, but I think it's due to things like TV, and social differences that expose us to so many variations of emotion, and personality.

My dad is that way in lots of respects. He grew up with a VERY hardworking father, who wasn't very verbally encouraging to him as a child. My dad, while more emotionally supportive than his father, was still not as emotionally open

as I am, and plan to be with my children. When I was around your age, I talked about all this with him, and he showed me an emotional side I'd never seen. He was pretty ashamed and sad that I'd had reason to question his pride and love for me. Since that day, he's pretty quick to tell me all of the things I'd wanted to hear for years. I'd be willing to bet, your dad would be the same way. It's just hard, because of the differences in generations, for them to express their honest emotions and thoughts.

You're obviously a smart dude, and a hard working guy. He has to be proud of you. Your willingness to be open and honest here, says a lot about your character, and desire for truth and expression in your life. I'd encourage you to talk to your dad. He's potentially withholding his praise, for the same reason you're hesitant to discuss your feelings with him. You both just need to work on your communication with each other. Love is big, and it manifests itself in strong and healing ways. I'd bet quite a bit on the fact that you both feel things so deeply for each other that it'd be hard to express. Open communication is key with stuff like this.

Either way bro, keep your head up. If I remember right from your previous posts, you've got your FAITH in the right place, and in the right Father. Our earthly fathers will always disappoint. I hate it, but I disappoint my kids often. Pray for your dad. Ask the Lord to open his heart and eyes, as well as your own.

Before you bug out of town, if you do decide to go home, you need to come hang at my house sometime. We can eat, shoot, and hang out around the firepit out back.

I don't know you but I bet your a class act in person too.

[The "Juan" 12]

I don't know you but I bet your a class act in person too.

you can guarantee that!!! been raised the right and respectful way.

[Stan R]

Leo,

You do need to talk to him. but Rome was not built in a day. Start slow so he does not get to far out of his comfort zone. You might just start with a "Dad I love you" and follow with a hug. I would keep the first conversation very short and don't get discouraged.

Heck they have made lots of movies with the same story line..

You did not mention your Mother.. but she might be a good ally.

I missed a good realtionship with my Dad and tried many times. We were civil.

I am one of those over 50 guys but I am the best Dad my 3 beautiful girls could ever ask for. I broke the mold.

Good Luck and you have a lot of good people on here that will give you some great advice.

You sound like a SON any DAD would be proud of.

Stan