Am I wrong about this situation?

[Leverhunter]

Get a second opinion. Unless she has had this suggested by another doctor don’t rush into it, it’s not an emergency and you can’t undo it if it doesn’t work. Not having tonsil is no big deal but having them removed as an adult is.

[bboswell]

You're right. It's a great group here. However, based off of some of the responses, I don't think some that are responding are fully understanding your situation/ the question that you're asking.

It seems most are responding regarding the health of your wife and your support/lack of support of her choice to have the procedure done.
Your support is not in question. You support her having the procedure fully.

What is in question is the time frame/sense of urgency that your wife has made this choice without asking if you could carry a little more of the load and help a bit more while she's down. This could be a huge inconvenience for you, that she's dropped in your lap, without asking if your schedule could handle it in two days.

I don't think you're out of line at all if what I mentioned above is the case.

This is what I took from it. She likely needs to do it, but you already have out of town business obligations. There will be nothing lost by her putting this off a couple of weeks so you can set your work schedule to be available to help with the kids and her recovery.

This seems reasonable to me.

[mooch]

Two days notice is pretty tough but make sure to give/get her all the help she needs regardless of the inconvenience to you. That’s a very tough recovery.

I had my wisdom teeth cut out when I was 17 and my tonsils & adenoids removed when I was 19. The tonsils & adenoids were by far a worse experience and worse recovery. I lost something like 15-20 pounds during the recovery due to not being able to eat or be active

Be sure to not let your wife overdo it too soon or lift anything too heavy. I overexerted myself too soon which opened my sutures up and started bleeding pretty bad. Luckily I was able to get the bleeding under control about 10-15 minutes before making a trip to the ER.


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[jlp04c]

Just had my wizdum teeth taken out. I did the consult, and scheduled the extraction in 2 days, before consulting my wife. No regrets, and it didn't bother her. In a sense it was "elective" but actually it'd been 15 years coming. It's probably the same with ur wife. Just get it done, IMO, no time is ever better

[mooch]

Two days notice is pretty tough but make sure to give/get her all the help she needs regardless of the inconvenience to you. That’s a very tough recovery.

I had my wisdom teeth cut out when I was 17 and my tonsils & adenoids removed when I was 19. The tonsils & adenoids were by far a worse experience and worse recovery. I lost something like 15-20 pounds during the recovery due to not being able to eat or be active

Be sure to not let your wife overdo it too soon or lift anything too heavy. I overexerted myself too soon which opened my sutures up and started bleeding pretty bad. Luckily I was able to get the bleeding under control about 10-15 minutes before making a trip to the ER.


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Forgot to mention I was getting tonsillitis/infections almost monthly leading up to the surgery and haven’t had it one time since. Hopefully it relieves the issues your wife is having also.


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[skeeter]

I wish I could find a dr that said, "yup, this is the problem. we can git r dun this week. You ready?" well, h e l l yeah!

I usually gotta wait a month to see the dr, then a month or 2 for results, then another 3 months to schedule a procedure.

[be12hunt]

Every person’s situation is different. If I were in this case I would expect my wife to check with our/my schedule because I have very little flexibility in my work schedule if it’s short-notice. If the procedure was pushed by a month, then I could make arrangements at work to be off the necessary time. In my opinion this isn’t a procedure that needs significant urgency, so why cause the whole family to jump through hoops just to get it done now.

[cva34]

Timing could be better for sure but it is what it is at this point.

My wife had her tonsils out 2 years ago, so early 40s, and the recovery is no joke. She was absolutely miserable for days. I would not plan for a day or 2 and her being back up and running.

Get 2nd opinion and My sis had hers out in her 40s ..it was not a 1 day ordeal more like week..

[Dusty Britches]

I think she should have talked to you first and worked out a schedule. It's not like it is life threatening or she is in extreme pain. I agree with the second opinion or at least a discussion of the pros and cons on removing them.

[Hammerdown]

My wife had hers removed because she was getting Strep quite often. She did say it was more painful than having a baby and all my kids have big heads. I would seek a second opinion.

[SB09]

Best thing I did for myself. The recovery is not fun, but well worth the pain.

I went from being sick every time the weather changed to getting sick about once every 2 years or more.

[Uncle Saggy]

I don’t think you’re wrong at all. A second opinion and a discussion seems logical to me.


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[meltingfeather]

Scrambling to make arrangements.

I don't have an issue with her getting the procedure done...at all.

But 2 days notice for something that is elective with roughly a 1 week recover throws a huge kink in all things. Theres lots going on with the business right now. CFO on vacation, new executive assistant started today, trying to get 2020 budgets published, trying to 2019 closed, have a few locations missing key leadership, etc.

Timing is poor.

Why not say, hey I'm getting this done, you know I'll need extra support let's look at schedules and see what week in the next month or 2 works best.

But everyone on here has given me a reality check....recurring theme is get over it make it happen and keep quiet. That's why I posted on here to get some perspective from other husbands. They gave it and I'll listen.

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I hear you. My approach to dealing with that would be to talk about it afterwards, especially if you think it could come up as a resentment.
Realistically you’ll get through it, and showing your wife that you can step up and TCB to support her will show her your maturity and commitment. It has the opportunity to bring you closer. If you then communicate afterward what could work better for you in the right way and context, you are in a much better position to be heard and listened to rather than complaining about something that hasn’t happened yet.
I don’t know your wife and all marriages are different— just my couple of cents. I, like you, try to challenge myself and look for ways to step up in my marriage all the time.

[sweetinlow660]

I would say that the only real consideration is getting the proper diagnosis for your wife's condition. I would get the second opinion and if that one agrees with the first then "dropping everything and figuring out the kids situation" is irrelevant in my opinion.

They're your children not the national deficit. IT's really not that hard to figure out how to take care of them for a couple days, and if you have to nut up and take care of them for a couple weeks then you get to be the super hero of the family for a little while during your wife's recovery and she will be happier and healthier after its all said and done.

All that said I would definitely get a 2nd opinion as in my experience with ENTs (and I've had several) They are very pro surgery and down play the procedure and recovery process. I went in to see one with complaints of dizziness and a swollen gland in the back of my neck and he tells me "Well I don't think the gland has anything to do with your dizziness but if its bothering you Ill just cut it out of there." (I got a 2nd opinion)

[Big Lee]

Best lesson I’ve learned in life is to not worry about work. Yes we have to work, provide etc. But, God forbid something happens to you, your job will be posted within hours. Take the time, support her and enjoy endless ice cream!