Weddings? Who pays????

[TeamAmerica]

I've got 2 young daughters. hoping the trend is changing to my benefit!

i would say no matter how big a check you write, you will still have ZERO say in what happens at the wedding. But if you/your wife want to invite 250 of your friends and family, you better pay up and shut up.

[FamousAmos]

I'm a pastor and I officiate a lot of weddings. Groom or his family typically cover the rehearsal dinner. I have received honorariums, though I don't accept them from families in my church, and those always come from the groom or his family. It seems more common now for the groom's parents to pitch in and help with some costs at an amount they are comfortable with.

[jay07ag]

Every situation is different, but yes traditionally, the brides family usually pays for (or mostly pays for) the wedding, because its their little girls dream day, and the grooms side pays for rehearsal dinner. As someone else posted above, the groom is probably fine getting married in the back pasture in blue jeans with two kegs of beer and a BBQ pit blowing smoke. BUT, with costs of weddings skyrocketing, lots of folks are splitting the costs, especially when the groom or groom's family has some financial stability and can help out without it sinking them. In my case, about 60-70% of our wedding attendees were from "my side" (big family, lots of close friends), so I got with my wife's parents and they agreed to let me split the costs of the wedding with them (but I also waited until I was 30 to get married, so I had a good chunk of savings pigeon holed to help with a wedding). My Parents took care of the rehearsal dinner and paid for our groomsmen and bridesmaids hotel rooms that night. So basically, we all tag teamed the deal, which worked out really well, and didnt require anyone to have to sell a kidney or the back 40 acres! I think the main thing is to never assume or expect anything, and to communicate with everybody to see what they think and what they can (and are willing) afford. Just my $.02

[Runnin4D]

Why make parents pay for any of it at all. If you’re mature enough to get married then you should be mature enough to pay for it

Don’t agree with this line of thinking. The last thing I would want, if I can help it, is for my child and spouse to have a bunch wedding debt when starting their new life together. They may very well be mature enough to get married, but maybe not financially “mature”, which I would think is normally the case.

[IkemanTX]

My wife and I Cash-flowed the whole wedding minus tent/table/chairs rental. My mother covered that.

We put in 5K, and my mother spent about another thousand. Honestly, we should have just spent the 6K on paying down debt and eloped. We would have been no less married, and it would have given us a head start.


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[Lungbustr]

Wow! 3 pages of responses! Never would have imagined it would get so many. It I appreciate them all. Their estimated cost for their wedding is around 10-11k. Not bad after seeing what some others have paid.
I guess what gripes me the most is her parents just assumed and expected us to pay half instead of approaching us and asking if we could. Her parents arn’t what I’d call wealthy, but they do travel from Orange to Austin several times during football season to watch the Longhorns. They also usually take a cruise or 2 each year and not long ago they got back from tubing in the Hill Country.
How many UT games (or any other college games) have I been too? Zero.
How many cruises have we went on? Zero
How many times have I been to the Hill country to float the rivers? Again zero.

Like I said I think it was the approach that was used that p****d me off.

Sounds like they can definitely afford it but dont want to.

But at the same time want to spend your money for you.

Very interesting situation.

[Mayhem]

I have a daughter and I expect to pay for it. I also have a son, and have no intention of paying for his wedding.

It is, what it is.


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[IkemanTX]

If you out up with that now, you're gonna be dealing with in law crap like that for years. Set the boundary now and communicate clearly. Same with your kids. If you want to help your son, do that. You most certainly do not have to. If your son and wife cant make the budget, then they need to reassess the budget.



Want to know how many times that expensive wedding my inlaws paid for has helped us over the course of 5 years?.... 0. Unless you count the times I pointed out to my wife we could have had a better start if they gifted it or even a small portion, or had a longer honeymoon instead of being rushed and scheduled etc.

This right here. Perfect summary. Bride expectations may need to be what gets adjusted, not the budget...


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[TexanTiger]

We were offered $10k (from my wifes parents), spend it on the wedding or keep it, but that was all my in laws were paying.

I told my wife we will keep the money.

So I ended up paying the other $15k myself.

wait how did that happen?? haha

Now interestingly enough I have 3 daughters, and I have started a savings account for each, hope to have about $20k to give each of them and offer them the same.

[Vito79]

When my wife and I got married it was after 12yrs. We planned it and paid for it our selves. What help we did get was just money from the parents. We set the budget, how many guest, etc. Keep the peace, talk to the kids and ask them what they want, not what mom or dad want, either side. As kyle1974 states, if she is a princess, your son will have to talk to her, seeing how he will be spending his life with her, he's the closest to both sides that can monitor the whole situation, and defuse the cost to something more realistic. Both kids should know how each family spends money so they should be able to gauge what will be responsible if they aren't going to pay for it.

Good Luck!! And enjoy!!

[RobinHood]

I screenshot a bunch of y’all’s responses for ammo against my exes way of thinkin when my other daughter gets married. I’m glad so many of y’all share the same thought process as I do. For a second there, I thought I was just an ahole. Lol



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[darralld]

Split it but also tell them you get a say in what is getting paid for.

[RobinHood]

Split it but also tell them you get a say in what is getting paid for.

My point exactly [emoji1303]


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[Strummer]

Weddings? Who pays????

I paid for everything but the dress when I got married.

[ETX_REAPER]

My inlaws told us what the budget was for our wedding, anything over that was something I had to figure out how to pay for. I like it this way and I will do this for my 2 girls.