Parents and Assisted Living

[kerrbow]

As a Pastoral Care minister in a large church I deal with these situations on a daily basis. So often the children live a long ways away and have limited time to spend with aging parents. Often their is denial on the part of both children and aging parents that the time is come to leave their home and move into a facility. When my mom passed away my Dad insisted he could live alone. One night he fell and broke his hip and laid on the floor for hours until my uncle found him. He never recovered and died in the hospital. Huntsman stay strong in your faith and use this situation to minister to others that are dealing with this same situation. Blessings to you and others who glorify God in these heartbreaking struggles in life, for it takes a toll.

[S-3 Ranch]

Prayers, we are suffering with a mother in-law, who has deminta and thanks she is 16 years old, wants her freedom, and independence but makes teenage bad decisions
And needs a caretaker to “ help her clean and make mature decisions “ I guess it will only get worse

[Huntsman27]

Thank you all for the kind and encouraging words as well as the much coveted prayers. Many of you are currently dealing with similar situations or have been down this road and I appreciate your thoughts.

I just re-read my original post and I am nor sure how I did it but I noticed my post says mom has bladder/colon cancer. That is not correct. she had bladder/colon surgery as they had grown together causing her colon to leak into her bladder.

[Bish]

Going through this now with my Mom, and I hope I can continue taking care of her in her own home, but at 63 its taking a toll on me but I will keeping doing what I can till that time. My prayers are with you Sir.

God Bless
Bish

[Tx_Wader]

I feel for you. I'm going through this with my Mother since late February. Unfortunately she isn't well enough mentally or physically for Assisted Living and I had to put her into a nursing home.

When she's cognoscente she wants to go home then other times she says she can't go home. Several times she didn't know who I was and when my son visited her she thought he was me.

She's local so we see her daily or every other day and she has some good days but I sure know what you're going through and I hate every second of it.

I'll say a prayer for you tonight when I speak the God about this as I do multiple times daily.

[rebelbow]

I went thru this with my Dad 2 years ago and can tell you it's an incredibly difficult journey. The mental strain on you (the caregiver) is tremendous. On my darkest days I would come on here and write about. Putting my thoughts down in print and reading the encouraging comments on here seemed to help me. It made me feel like I wasn't alone and gave me the strength to continue on for one more day.

My prayers are with you

[be12hunt]

Sounds like your parents have done right with y’all. I dread these kinds of decisions, but I understand it is often the way things go. Saying prayers for you and your family.

[Huntsman27]

I went thru this with my Dad 2 years ago and can tell you it's an incredibly difficult journey. The mental strain on you (the caregiver) is tremendous. On my darkest days I would come on here and write about. Putting my thoughts down in print and reading the encouraging comments on here seemed to help me. It made me feel like I wasn't alone and gave me the strength to continue on for one more day.

My prayers are with you

You are so right and thank you.

[riverbowman]

For those of you trying to keep a relative at home for as long as you can, please try and keep them locked in the house. My brother had to add screen door locks to the top of their exterior doors so my mom couldn't get out at night. Our friends lost their father who escaped in the middle of the night when the temperature was in the teens. They found him frozen in a ditch. He seemed to be pretty "with it" and was in what would be considered the middle stages of the disease.

[MQ32Shooter]

Sounds like a bunch of TBH'ers are going through this end of life cycle now. Hope all of our kids are watching and will step up and do the right thing when it's "our" time.

[curtintex]

Sounds like a bunch of TBH'ers are going through this end of life cycle now. Hope all of our kids are watching and will step up and do the right thing when it's "our" time.

Not going to do that to my kids. I'll go on a LOOOOOOONG hunting trip before I burden my children and their families with my long-term care.

[SETXoutdoorsman]

This past week I moved my Dad, 94 and my Mom ,88 with Alzheimer's into an assisted living facility and I was not as mentally prepared as I thought I was.

We have lived in the same neighborhood for the past 20 years and I would see them frequently, especially when my kids were young plus we attended the same church. 13 months ago my Mom's Alzheimer's was more manageable and Dad was still able to care for her. Last June Dad developed some sort of hip & leg problem and it was painful for him to stand and walk so we hired a home health service to sit with them & do housekeeping during the day and I would go over every night after getting off work to help them get to bed, sleep on the couch to help them during the night, take care of their yard and general upkeep on the house and do it all over the next day. Mom's condition has worsened somewhat and she has recently had bladder/colon cancer which seems to have really rocked her world. Dad seems to be having some memory issues as well as he is now having trouble keeping his check book balanced and gets confused about where his money is coming from plus he is not as strong and steady on his feet as he was just one year ago.

Dad finally, agreed it was time but was reluctant. I knew it would be difficult for him as he has always been his own man and very self reliant. On moving day I made arrangements for them to be out of the house so the movers could pack up the furniture while I stayed at the house to tell them what to take.

As I watched my parents house being dismantled it hit me that this is really happening and I would no longer be just popping in the house for a cup of coffee or I wouldn't be building deer stands at Dad's - he enjoyed woodworking and working on a project. As I sat in their half empty living room I became very emotional and while I knew it would be hard for them I don't think I fully appreciated how hard it really would be for them until that moment.

I will still see them several times per week and continue to take them to doctors appointments and such it just wont be the same. I have prayed about this decision and sought counsel from others I trust who have been through the same thing and know it was the right thing to do but it was a lot harder than I thought. They say Alzheimer's is the long good bye and I can't help but feel this is the beginning of the end.

My sister has been in town for a couple of weeks and my brother is flying in from Montana later this week and we will going through their things and preparing to put their house on the market.

I am happy to have had the opportunity to honor my mother & father in this way. I am truly blessed to to be the child of strong, Loving Christian parents who will celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary in March.

Continual prayers for you pops.
Thanks to all praying for our family, especially for the OP. My grandparents are the epitome of God-fearing and faithful Christians.

[Daniel32]

I work in the Assisted Living/Memory Care industry and see this all this time. It's never easy as it involves so many emotions and stress on those involved in the process. Prayers for all those dealing with this.

[Still Hunter]

Huntsman 27, as you can see many of us are either going thru this or have just already experienced it. You are a good man. I commend you for your generosity and love you have demonstrated for your parents. Prayers for your continued strength and perseverance. My mom just passed this July 16th from Alzheimer's and Dementia. She fought the hard fight as long a she could. It will be hard and continue to be stressful but we come full circle and our parents become our children. We need to remember that and treat them accordingly. Treat them as they are small children and not stupid or idiotic adults. There minds and bodies are deteriorating. A note to all, please take the time to prepare early for their final arrangements ahead of time and have that discussion with them when they still have the understanding to know the topic. The Green Screen has certainly been able to attract and bring forth so many quality individuals to this site. Prayers to all that are facing this now and to whom all that will be facing this in their future.