Is it just me....

[flyin7]

I went through some of this when my kids were that age. People may disagree with me but I always felt that instilling a good work ethic in my kids was much more important than making good grades or being involved in church or community events. We went to church and yes they would sometimes go and do things with church groups, but not all of the time. If you instill a good work ethic, then you probably won't have to worry about the other stuff because it should take care of itself. Grades were never a big deal to me. I always told my kids that they were kids and their job was to do well in school and have fun. My kids turned out ok. My daughter is a nurse and my son does very well and only attended college 1 1/2 semesters. He now manages more than 40 men and does very well. I think people put too much emphasis on education when we all know that grades don't make the person. As mentioned above, your daughter just hasn't found what she likes yet, but at 13, does she really need a smart phone? I found out that it was better to let them earn things like a phone and a car. This seemed to make them more responsible grown ups now. Good luck with your daughter.

George

[Dirtymike]

Saying i want to and meaning i want to are totally different. Not every kid is going to be super go getter. Does not mean there is something wrong. Let her be her. Is she is doing good, she is happy, has friends, I dont see a problem. Being a mom might be her true calling. Many things come with time. Teen years are crazy on kids. Let em be kids. Life is crazy enough, dont find things to be concerned with. Sounds like a good typical teen.

[jcd49]

Kids just don't see the payoff for all of the extra effort that is required to excel in school or sports. The question that she is probably asking herself is "What does an A buy me that a B won't"? Tennis is just a sport unless it becomes one's passion, then they eat and sleep it. Some kids aren't motivated by competition in sports nor are they motivated by making the top grades in school, but something will come along that will light their competitive spirit. Hang in there and don't be to hard on yourself or your daughter. There are lots of folks that would love to have a daughter that makes good grades, is involved in church and is involved in athletics. You will turn around twice and she will be grown and gone and these issues will be just a faint memory.

[HogHunter34]

Great feedback! The best thing so far is she is not "boy crazy" yet. That's a whole other parenting topic/thread right there

[muzzlebrake]

Sounds like she's just fine for her age.
Just be glad you are not a cheap six pak away from being a grandfather.

[Red Wing R/C]

Expectations and reality are not joined at the hip.

[Eric Pence]

Oh I'm calm and pretty easy going. Nothing wrong to have aspiration for your kids. I know she can earn that A in math and be a better tennis player. I just want her to realize for herself she needs to put forth that extra effort to achieve what she wants

But does she WANT to be a better Tennis Player is the question...My 2 boys 17 and 15 are as different as Night and Day..My Oldest loves sports and puts three times the effort my youngest does...But my youngest is a Natural and it comes to him without trying, but he loves Hunting and Fishing so he puts all his attention to the outdoors...Both are A and a occasional B students as well as Great Kids...But you cant make them love what you want them to......

[TimH]

Great feedback! The best thing so far is she is not "boy crazy" yet. That's a whole other parenting topic/thread right there

I have three girls and my wife deserves all the credit in this area for teaching them right. They are not popular with the boys because of it and that's just fine with me.

[HogHunter34]

But does she WANT to be a better Tennis Player is the question...My 2 boys 17 and 15 are as different as Night and Day..My Oldest loves sports and puts three times the effort my youngest does...But my youngest is a Natural and it comes to him without trying, but he loves Hunting and Fishing so he puts all his attention to the outdoors...Both are A and a occasional B students as well as Great Kids...But you cant make them love what you want them to......

Yes she told me she wants to be the top tennis player on the team. I'm trying to convince her you need to practice to get where you want. I tell her lets go to the courts and practice and she complains and makes excuses. I ask do you want to continue to even play and I always get Yes Dad I want to play and I really like tennis. She needs to set the personal goal to get out there and work at it.

[HogHunter34]

Sounds like she's just fine for her age.
Just be glad you are not a cheap six pak away from being a grandfather.

Yep it's all relative. Puts things in perspective

[Eric Pence]

Yes she told me she wants to be the top tennis player on the team. I'm trying to convince her you need to practice to get where you want. I tell her lets go to the courts and practice and she complains and makes excuses. I ask do you want to continue to even play and I always get Yes Dad I want to play and I really like tennis. She needs to set the personal goal to get out there and work at it.

I feel your pain...my youngest is already playing HS Baseball at 14 and is getting looked at by HS Varsity Football coaches ,but to him it's No Big Deal (although he is only about 3 kids out of 400 that even get mentioned going into the 9th grade)..the sky is the limit with his size 6 -6'1 at 180lbs and still growing every month at age 14 but he just plays sports because the attention ..He would rather be at the deer lease or local pond than anywhere else ...But I promised myself I would not be one of those parents that pushed their kids into sports..Just as long as they are in the top 10-20% of their class grade wise I will be happy with his life choices(but he is NOT ALLOWED just to quit) he will play either FB or Baseball or both ..I think it builds character and keeps them in shape..sounds like your girl is just going thru the teenage blues..Keep with it she will come around...Good Luck we all have kid problems/concerns that worry us..It shows you care which is a lot more than some parents..

[Bearkat]

My daughter was the same. Great kid and made a lot of accomplishments. Just she would do things that I knew she could do better if put a little more energy into. I believe in giving 110% 100% of the time. If she won at something she was happy, if not oh well. Used to get on my nerves. But she is now 18 years old and a few hours away from being a junior at Texas A&M. So, maybe I expected to much when she was younger, or maybe just some of it got in her thick head. Either way could not be more proud of her. My son has always be a go getter 110%.... until this year he is now 16. Everything went out the window. He is a good Christian, no drugs, no drinking, etc. just lack the fire he used to have. I know he will turn out fine. I am truly blessed.

[HogHunter34]

I feel your pain...my youngest is already playing HS Baseball at 14 and is getting looked at by HS Varsity Football coaches ,but to him it's No Big Deal (although he is only about 3 kids out of 400 that even get mentioned going into the 9th grade)..the sky is the limit with his size 6 -6'1 at 180lbs and still growing every month at age 14 but he just plays sports because the attention ..He would rather be at the deer lease or local pond than anywhere else ...But I promised myself I would not be one of those parents that pushed their kids into sports..Just as long as they are in the top 10-20% of their class grade wise I will be happy with his life choices(but he is NOT ALLOWED just to quit) he will play either FB or Baseball or both ..I think it builds character and keeps them in shape..sounds like your girl is just going thru the teenage blues..Keep with it she will come around...Good Luck we all have kid problems/concerns that worry us..It shows you care which is a lot more than some parents..

Yep we are still learning. My son is a natural athlete and excels at soccer with great ball control, speed, & foot skills. That little dude will get in the yard and kick a soccer ball all day long no matter if it's hot or whatever. He has that natural drive that I'd like to see some from her. I agree with you completely I don't want to force my kids into something they don't care for. I just want to see her make that personal connection that things don't come easy in life and you have to work at it to achieve certain things.

[js4242]

Yes she told me she wants to be the top tennis player on the team. I'm trying to convince her you need to practice to get where you want. I tell her lets go to the courts and practice and she complains and makes excuses. I ask do you want to continue to even play and I always get Yes Dad I want to play and I really like tennis. She needs to set the personal goal to get out there and work at it.

Reminds me of a famous quote from Gibran - "Work is love made visible" - Maybe she is doing it for you and telling you what she thinks you want to hear? Maybe instead of "practice" its, "wanna go hit some with the old man"?
My boy is 9 and I find myself going down the same rat hole and I want no part of it. Its hard to step back when you see the potential and have the life lessons on how hard it is to develop said potential. The rule in my house is I will play with you anytime you want, but I never force sports. I ask for him to do lots of stuff except sports - that way its him initiating "getting" better and me not "making" him practice. The only hard rules in our house are school and you will participate in something. No couch potato. Learning to be part of a team is a valuable tool throughout life. We all have hopes and dreams for our kids and want the best for them. sometimes they don't have the same hopes and dreams or haven't realized them yet. I think we all struggle with that to a degree.