Is it just me....

[HogHunter34]

She's 13 makes 'A's and 'B's in school, is active in church, plays tennis and is a good kid. Does she have to write a novel to get approval? When I was 13 I did none of that and I've turned out okay so far. Relax and enjoy her accomplishments.

I hear you. Overall good kid. She just wants to take path of least resistance and wants things the easy way. I just want her to start developing a stronger work ethic. I'm a little old school and I think I get it from my Dad who expected me to do my best at everything.

[HogHunter34]

Your describing my daughter to a tee. At 13 she wasn't motivated about anything. 2 years later something just clicked and she started taking her studies more seriously. Now 17, she has an academic scholarship to Stephens College in Mo. How they found her way down here I'll never know but I'm just saying, have patience, 13 is still pretty young. She'll get her priorities straight.

Awesome!

[Kodiakk]

No it's not just you. My daughter is the same age, and I have to stay on her.

[Fargus]

My daughter is 17 and still unmotivated. I have to constantly put foot to backside (not literally) to get her to do anything. She expects things to just come to her and when she struggles she refuses to put any effort into working passed the issue. When she practices her clarinet she gets to a point and calls it good even though I can tell there are issues with her playing and I can't tell the difference between a trumpet and trombone.

Frustrates me to no end.

[leasecommander]

I think that once girls get to the teenage stage, their hormones kick in and they often times get uninterested, once the boy's hormones kick in they can't sit still. Mine are now 45 and 42, yes, somehow they made it this far.
Good luck

[HogHunter34]

My daughter is 17 and still unmotivated. I have to constantly put foot to backside (not literally) to get her to do anything. She expects things to just come to her and when she struggles she refuses to put any effort into working passed the issue. When she practices her clarinet she gets to a point and calls it good even though I can tell there are issues with her playing and I can't tell the difference between a trumpet and trombone.

Frustrates me to no end.

I understand as we face the same. She took honors math last year and got upset she made some B's at times. She told us she would rather take regular math so she can make an easy A. I told her I would rather you strech & challenge yourself. Be nice to hear her say hey I plan to work harder and get that A. Just wants the easy way out. I want her to learn a good life lesson here that nothing comes easy and you need to put in the work to strive for better results

[LROSE]

I have a 12 yr old daughter who was lucky enough to find her thing at an early age (6). She is in LOVE with Gymnastics. began as a recreational class and after 6 months she moved to the competition team. From that point she has not looked back. She is going into the 8th grade and is in all Honors/GT classes & makes straight A's. She is working toward getting an education at a great University with a gymnastics program - and would love to get a scholarship or walk on with the team.
Her gym was able to get a waiver from the ISD and the girls get out 1 period early to go to the gym and begin workouts (they do not have to have a PE class in school since they workout so much in the week). Her schedule for the week is:
School 7:45-2:45
Gym 3:00-7:30 (Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday)
Home/Dinner/Homework - usually gets homework done before she gets home.
Then competitions on the weekends

She is very driven and seems to know EXACTLY what she wants. All the girls on the Team are the same way. They are a close group of girls and support each other.

[riverbowman]

She's only 13. Most 13 year olds back when I was an kid and now don't have a ton of drive and direction. Some certainly do and that is truly great, but most don't. Sounds like she is a good kid who makes pretty good grades and is at least trying to be involved in a sport. That ain't bad in my book.

I went through a period of struggle with my kids, focusing on what they weren't doing instead of what they were doing. The only thing that got me over the hump was when a few other parents and a teacher approached us out of the blue over a period of a couple of months and told us how much they appreciated our kids behavior and kindness, and our closeness as a family. That made me feel really good and changed my perspective. All of the sudden the excessive worrying about that B that could have been and A at school, or whether or not they were one of the best players on their team seemed less important and I felt really good about my kids.

I'm not saying it's not important to shoot for great grades or to try and be the best on a sports team. Just saying that maybe we should not let that focus take attention from the other great things about our kids.

[HogHunter34]

She's only 13. Most 13 year olds back when I was an kid and now don't have a ton of drive and direction. Some certainly do and that is truly great, but most don't. Sounds like she is a good kid who makes pretty good grades and is at least trying to be involved in a sport. That ain't bad in my book.

I went through a period of struggle with my kids, focusing on what they weren't doing instead of what they were doing. The only thing that got me over the hump was when a few other parents and a teacher approached us out of the blue over a period of a couple of months and told us how much they appreciated our kids behavior and kindness, and our closeness as a family. That made me feel really good and changed my perspective. All of the sudden the excessive worrying about that B that could have been and A at school, or whether or not they were one of the best players on their team seemed less important and I felt really good about my kids.

I'm not saying it's not important to shoot for great grades or to try and be the best on a sports team. Just saying that maybe we should not let that focus take attention from the other great things about our kids.

Well said! We do get great compliments on her and she is very academic. Dad just has high hopes & wants to see more get up & go. It just takes finding that healthy balance as I don't want to be a dictator & my kids fear me. We do encourage her all the time. It sounds others experience similar behavior. I understand each child is different. I told her I'm here for her & support her in all she does. Besides she will taking Algebra I as an 8th grader next year she knows she will need Dads help

[Landrover]

Everyone blooms and finds there niche at different points in life. Push the envelope in all phases and see what sticks. The foundation is solid, now build on it slowly!

[TomB]

Good stuff here: http://growingleaders.com

High expectations and good "habitudes" can make a difference. I really like what Tim Elmore has to say. For the record, mine are 32 and 29 now, doing well and I was a hard *** for expecting excellence (not perfection). It is all about self efficacy.

[EliteDriver]

Been there and done that....good luck

[PapaBear]

CTFD parenting "calm the @&$? down" she will be fine. Sounds like a great kid to me.

[catslayer]

... haven't found something to be passionate about that makes me money yet. Wish I could, all you that have or have kids that have that thing, I am very very jealous..

[HogHunter34]

CTFD parenting "calm the @&$? down" she will be fine. Sounds like a great kid to me.

Oh I'm calm and pretty easy going. Nothing wrong to have aspiration for your kids. I know she can earn that A in math and be a better tennis player. I just want her to realize for herself she needs to put forth that extra effort to achieve what she wants