Is Hunting a want or a need? Advice needed please

[Dudley]

Welcome to Adulthood..... Family first. There will be hunts after they are grown and out of the house. On your tombstone, do you want "Wonderful Father" or "Great Hunter" I squelched my desire to hunt for 10 years so I could do stuff with my kids.

Choose the family, you won't regret it.

Yep. And then when you have grandkids, you will spend even less time hunting! Better start getting used to it!

[nathank]

The only thing I have to say is this brother.....
There were a lot of "I" statements it that entire post.... along with "we would if I" statements. My advice is to stop expecting your wife and kids to accept YOU being happy making them happy..

[TexZ71]

This was a really good thread to read! I have a 3 year old and a 8 month old and it hit home. Thanks.

[TB80]

I have two young kids as well and my wife is essentially a stay at home mom. I have dealt with the same issues. For me it came down to compromising with my wife. It has to be something you and her can agree on.

If nothing else, you should know that you are not alone in going through those issues. I used to struggle with the fact that all my buddies were married with kids and going hunting more than I was able to go hunting. I had to realize that worked for them and not for us and that was ok.

It is still a struggle, but my wife and I continue to communicate. If there is anytime that I feel like hunting is coming between us, then I don't go.

I would also point out that Shane and Limbwalker summed it up better than I could.

Best of luck and prayers for you and your wife.

[Marco]

Real easy.... if your family NEEDS you. They come first... No question. But if they don't NEED you. Hunt brother. It seems that you go above and beyond the call of duty. Certainly more than me. I work very hard and play even harder. ALWAYS make sure family is ALWAYS is cared for and always do as I please. Wife never has any issues with that. It appears you have put yourself in this situation where you feel you need permission from wife to do anything. If all is taken care of HAVE FUN. You will regret it later. You need to breathe every now and then.

[expressfish]

I think limbwalker and Shane summed it up. Family comes first, then hunting...well, its just a hunt...a deer...a whatever. How many animals do you have to kill to realize its all the same in the end ?

[N.DaWoods]

I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old. I was a high school football coach for 5 years, I was in almost the exact same situation as you. my hunting passion and family time were both so overwhelming that I decided to get out of coaching. Maybe a career change would help bring balance. I know it seems drastic, but I now spend way more time with kids and wife, and a whole lot more time in the woods. If you are as passionate about family and hunting as I am, there are always other options for employment, especially for someone willing to "make it happen." Everyone's situation is difference, the key is communication between you and your wife. Good luck to you and your family. I talked with my wife about this thread and just sent up a prayer for balance in your life.

[Brown]

Read a book called Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.

Publisher Overview:
Every man was once a boy. And every little has dreams, big dreams, dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. Every little girl has dreams, too: of being rescued by her prince and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty.

But what happens to those dreams when we grow up? Walk into most churches, have a look around, and ask yourself: What is a Christian man? Without listening to what is said, look at what you find there. Most Christian men are . . . bored.

John Eldredge revises and updates his best-selling, renowned Christian classic, Wild at Heart, and in it invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God. And he invites women to discover the secret of a man’s soul and to delight in the strength and wildness men were created to offer. John Eldredge is the director of Ransomed Heart

[Palmetto]

I can relate. My boys are 1 & 5.

One thing that has not been said, is how long it takes for some women to get over child birth (I'm not talking about physically). It took my wife 2 years to get back to what she called 100%. Now our #2 son is 16 months old, and she told me a few weeks ago that she feels about 50%. It's coming back allot more slowly as #2 is hard on her. We call him "Bull".....short for Bulldozer. That little knuckle head just plows thru everything!!! LOL He leaves a path of destruction everywhere he goes.

I try my best to do whatever I can to make life easier on her. Im not sure how you city boys do it, but I get home from work and immediately take the boys outside to play. We go check cows on the mule, feed the animals, or play in the sandpile. I usually roll back in just in time for dinner. It gives her a little reprieve while she finishes up dinner. If I lived in the city, I would probly go insane.

My one piece of advice is this: Date Night

[Patton]

I'll give you my take on it as a newlywed. Which to a lot of people isn't worth anything.


As a hunter, you will always crave the adventure and thrill of the hunt. It isn't going anywhere. I know how you feel because I am the same way. My brother and I could spend months at camp if allowed the time and money. There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying the simplicity of the outdoors. In fact, having that passion in your life is an extremely positive thing.

The danger comes when you begin to prioritize in a way that hurts your spouse/family. There are definitely times where it is much more fun to hunt and explore, but those times may be the most critical for prolonged happiness with your family. When you die, I am sure you would rather have your children remember you as the father who sacrificed so they could live good lives. You would much rather have a legacy of caring for your family than a legacy of killing trophy animals. This is what separates a passion for the outdoors from the love for your family.

The best solution is to completely air out your feelings with your wife. As others have suggested, let her read what you typed. Only you two know what is best, and you will both need to be in agreement going forward. My wife and I talked long and hard about my hunting obsession. We came to the agreement that hunting is the one steadfast passion I have outside of our marriage, and that is to be respected. She does not mind me going to camp, as long as I make sure I do not miss any obligations to family. Yes, I've had to cancel hunting trips for things I deemed unnecessary, but it has taught me to see situations through her eyes.

You'll have to step away from your own passion for a bit to truly realize how your wife and kids feel. I know you mentioned the fact it is hard to take them along when your hunts are done via invites, but that excuse will fall short. I'm not saying it's not a legitimate reason, but at some point your family will want to experience that with you. You need to get your wife to hunt with you in order to fully understand how you feel about it. I know that this was the only thing that got my wife to realize just what it meant to me. You neve know, she could become just as addicted as you are .

Young and not married, but your post made a lot of sense to me.

I know it's been said, but my suggestion may be to find a lease near home where you could not be gone for long. It's easier said than done, but knock and ask for permission from some property owners near you, explain your desire to be a hunter and steward of the land while still being close to your family. Potentially you could hunt the afternoon or morning and still be home to enjoy the family. Family first, always. You may have to cut down on hunting but it will open up again. God will take care of you

[Palmetto]

Read a book called Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.

Publisher Overview:
Every man was once a boy. And every little has dreams, big dreams, dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. Every little girl has dreams, too: of being rescued by her prince and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty.

But what happens to those dreams when we grow up? Walk into most churches, have a look around, and ask yourself: What is a Christian man? Without listening to what is said, look at what you find there. Most Christian men are . . . bored.

John Eldredge revises and updates his best-selling, renowned Christian classic, Wild at Heart, and in it invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God. And he invites women to discover the secret of a man’s soul and to delight in the strength and wildness men were created to offer. John Eldredge is the director of Ransomed Heart

Very, very good read.

[OleTomTalker]

Saving this thread!

[Limbwalker]

I still went, but I found something that let me go for the day instead of being gone an entire weekend

This is a good option if you can find it.

For the past 5 years, I had permission to hunt and shoot on local property less than 5 min. from the house. The owner invited me because he knew I would take my kids with me. He wanted to see those kids have an opportunity to hunt and shoot, just like he did with his kids.

It was one of the most generous things anyone has ever done for me, and we took full advantage of it. All three of my kids hunted there with me. Daughter 1 took her first shot at a deer with a bow there, my son shot a nice deer there with a muzzleloader and went on several bowhunts there with me, and my youngest daughter shot her first deer there and her first mature buck there.

All just minutes from the house. We were always home in time for dinner, and rarely did a hunt take more than 3 hours total.

I know that's not some people's idea of an "expedition" but I can tell you from my experience that those hunts with my kids will live on in our memories long after many of my more "exciting" solo hunts have faded away.

[woodsman]

Read a book called Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.

Publisher Overview:
Every man was once a boy. And every little has dreams, big dreams, dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. Every little girl has dreams, too: of being rescued by her prince and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty.

But what happens to those dreams when we grow up? Walk into most churches, have a look around, and ask yourself: What is a Christian man? Without listening to what is said, look at what you find there. Most Christian men are . . . bored.

John Eldredge revises and updates his best-selling, renowned Christian classic, Wild at Heart, and in it invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God. And he invites women to discover the secret of a man’s soul and to delight in the strength and wildness men were created to offer. John Eldredge is the director of Ransomed Heart

Very, very good read.

THIS!!!!!!!! Chase, I cannot express how much of an eye-opener this book is. All of the competing objectives in life will suddenly "click". And for me, it's all about perspective: Jesus gave up his very life so that all could have it eternally. His love for man was bigger than his love for life itself. I ought to be willing to do far less for my family.

Your post was an extremely well-written articulation of many of our hearts. I appreciate you sharing with us.

[TRich]

Wow, these post have brought back such memories. I to hunted and fished a lot as a single man and when I first married so no reason for that to change. When my son was born I dreamed of the day I could introduce him to my passion, never considering the time I left my wonderful wife home alone with all the responsibility of a home, work and a new baby. One day she said " it must be nice that your life hasn't changed one bit" and that's when it hit me. In my bull headedness (Not sure that's a word, but it is a condition) I had neglected my wife for several years before we had kids, she never complained, but when we had a child she let me know I had gone to far. Fortunately for me I saw the error of my ways and started spending more time with her and the kids. She also changed when the kids started getting older and goes with us to the lease, she doesn't hunt but will sit with the kids and really enjoys her time "on the hunt" with them. We have made it work and im so glad I didn't ruin or lose my wife in our early years together. Its a real tough position to be in but you seem to see there is a problem and want to resolve it. Hope you work it out and can satisfy the needs and wants for both sides.