You did right by not losing it and your wife did right by not getting physical. If the woman who yanked your kid out of the pool would have been harmed in any way, I can almost guarantee she would press criminal charges. You can do that to her now without fear of recourse.
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Almost lost it
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It amazes me that people go to a pool area and flip out when they get wet. Threatening the life of your son and wife sounds like the cow has some anger issues that need discussion in the presence of a judge. Then the fact that she physically laid hands on him would need to be discussed also.
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