Dealing with seperation

[elkbowhunter]

so sorry to hear about your division in your marriage. Of course no one on here knows all the details of marriage. But since you asked my advice would really sit and talk at what point did you notice you were not loving your wife as Christ loves the church and your wife could ask herself at what point did she stop honoring or respecting you? As I said I dont know your exact situation but it always always seems to be from being selfish. Women need to be loved and men need to be respected. You break that and you have division. Its just the way God made us. When we dont get those things...we go where we can. Thats why a huge majority of breakups involve some person in adultery. Im not saying you are in that situation but those are the statistics.

As far as your children....they are always effected and its not positive. Any divorced kid will bring testimony to that. And I guess the last thing is GOD HATES DIVORCE. Of course it happens and I know this one couple where the husband was abusive. In no way did God want her to stay in that situation. If a husband leaves his role as husband...he has abandoned his wife. Not good.

I will for sure be praying for you. I hope you are a believer and if you are...try and get some counseling from a GODLY man....doesnt have to be a pastor but a GODLY man. Pray.then Pray some more.

Take care

[Speedgoat]

we have tried and tried to make it work.

plus now in laws have decided to involve themselves so its not looking good

Inlaws need to mind their own business. They should no better than to even try to step in. You are the Man and the spiritual head of your household. Take this challenge before God and let him do the work for the both of you. Divorce is never the answer IMO.

[asttbe]

Going through it right now and learning how to do it myself. My kids are quite a bit older than yours though, 15 and 17.

It is tough. I make sure not to say anything bad about their mother and just show them i love them as much as I can.

[Bayouboy]

Spend as much time as you can with your children, don't talk bad about mom in front of them, and let them know that they will have two good loving homes to spend time at. Also, have lots of patience. They are being affected just as much as you are. Another thing.... don't do like a lot of guys/women do and find a new sweety on the rebound and start bringing her around the kids. That's just plain stupid when people do that!

[Twztid]

Ild say don't force it, nothing worse tring to make something work that simply isn't going to...be the man step up, take care of business and don't let the kids suffer on the mistakes of the marriage. Keep them love them and be there for them no matter what...

[elkbowhunter]

CDHC
Are yall involved with a church? and have you gone to counseling? Just trying to see where you are in the process.

[Beerkat]

Ild say don't force it, nothing worse tring to make something work that simply isn't going to...be the man step up, take care of business and don't let the kids suffer on the mistakes of the marriage. Keep them love them and be there for them no matter what...

I agree. Forcing it will just make things worse. My folks divorced at 60 now neither one of them is happy and we always knew they hated each other.

[Bilbo]

Been there. It's not easy. Be there for your kids. Would have to know more details to be able to give my advice. Some will say that divorce is never the answer and that all things can be worked out. Unfortunately, that's not true. Keep your head held high for your kiddos!!

[OPC Patrick]

my advice:

do not leave the home, the kids will not remember why you left, only that you did.

Second open a savings account and move as much money as you can into it. or have the bank on speed dial. With in-laws involved I'd say move the money at least 10K so you can afford a lawyer. Else your wife may grab it first and use this money against you.

document everything, the court is going to do what is best for the children if you are like most men you have been letting your wife handle all this. This would be a good time for you to know your child's teacher's name, what their homework is, who their friends are....

If your wife is only talking separation then I would work AS HARD AS possible to work it out. NUMBER ONE GOAL wake up Christmas morning with your children this year and next and then on.
Buy two copies of "His Needs Her Needs" give one to her and read one yourself and discuss how you two have failed each other, and how you can make it better. Trust me there is nothing you cant get past if you both focus the right things.

Challenge her and yourself to not speak of Divorce until you have both committed 100% to trying to save the marriage. If you have both done this and it still fails you both know you have tried.

Make an appointment for a councilor.

[kcmarullo]

This ^^^^^^

[elkbowhunter]

GOOD advice from OPC. I just noticed that prayer and seeking Godly council was not part of the advice? Put that on the top of the list, and you have a chance....without it...not so much. As far as the In Laws, if you have not asked them to be involved, You might want to tell them to mind their own business and be kind but firm. You still are the leader of the home...they are not. .... Praying for you both.

[black42]

Find a good counselor, try to work through the issues. If it comes to divorce, find a firm that specializes in men's rights in divorces.

http://www.cordellcordell.com/

[rileydog]

Just want to encourage both of you. The book His Needs, Her Needs is top of the list.

This reminds me to constantly evaluate what I am doing to improve the marriage. Praying for God's supernatural invasion into your marriage!!

[Codie]

You can't control her, but you can control YOU - sit down and DIG DEEP. Be honest with yourself and make sure that you have done EVERYTHING you need to do to salvage things. Have you given in (and not just enough to smooth things over for a little bit) on any of the things that your wife has told you was bothering her? Have you done everything you can to make her know that you still love her and still want to make your marriage work so yall can spend the rest of your lives together watching the children that yall were blessed with grow up? If not, then DO IT - If you have, then I don't know what you should do other than to FULLY throw yourself and your problems at the lord and put it in his hands. Not only can he work miracles, but he can make the time throughout pass by much more peacefully

[systemnt]

From experience:
IF you are absolutely sure..and 100% positive that it cannot be salvaged:..try again.. then
A) DO NOT LEAVE THE HOME. (under any circumstances including trying to show your wife you are a nice guy.)
B) Get a Lawyer experienced in DAD's rights. (review information on http://www.fathers4kids.com/html/Home.htm )
DO NOT LEAVE IT UP TO YOUR WIFE AND HER ATTORNEY.. any GOOD or AMICABLE relationship you think you have with you wife will be GONE the second her attorney gets involved.
C) DO NOT TALK BAD ABOUT YOUR WIFE ..not just in front of the kids..but at all unless its with your lawyer.