A heated topic

[ETEXASHUNTER]

Prayer for ya man

[txdukklr]

whether he pays or not send her. Don't ever be a barrier to her having a relationship with her father. If he wants her for a month then she needs to bond with him.

I'd agree start with prayer and be there for her. I'm a step parent, step child and I can promise you there will be a time where it will catch up. She knows who takes care of her, right now she doesn't know how to deal with it but someday she will.

[Brannon74]

pray and hope his heart is in the right place. If he is wanting do the right thing then good for him. He should be then held to standards of any parent to support his kid. If he is wanting to do the right thing then I wouldn't try to get in the way of his parental rights, but he should be held acountable for more than $100 a month. If he is doing the right thing he won't let paying more child support get in the way of seeing his child. I would approach him w/ a fair offer and see if he agrees to it. If he doesn't take him to court. He will have to choose between doing the right thing or staying out of her life.

[BrianL]

Being a step parent sucks, period. You have absolutely no say in custody and you are trumped by the bio parents every time. Ive raised two step kids for over 10 years. Although I did everything a real dad would do, and their bio dad would ignore them for months on end, miss birthdays and christmas, etc, if he ever did call, the kids would turn inside out.

Last summer, he sued us for custody and I was labeled as "abusive" in court documents. Ive never raised a hand to either child and was there each time they got sick, went to every event, etc. Yet both of the kids piled on about how bad I was over the years.

You have to accept that you will be second place to the bio parents in terms of "rights" even if your the best step dad ever. And one day, youll have to swallow pretty hard when he wants to spend more time with the kids.

When you sign on as a step parent, there should be a disclaimer explaining all this. Unless you find a very understanding judge, her ex has every right to have a relationship with his child. Further he can petition the court for more time, like every other weekend, birthdays, alternating holidays, spring break etc. He doesn't need to get them on those days either, but it is his RIGHT to get them if he wants.

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but that is the way it is.

X2

[EZ-10RANCH]

I'm in the same boat and the bio dad sees them maybe once a year if he finds the time. He does pay child support but I think only because he has to. The one thing that I make sure of is to NOT speak badly about bio dad in front of them. As kids get older they see who is always there for them and who's not. Be the same dad that you are now and let him have his visit. As she gets older her interest for him will fade and she will appreciate all that you have done.

[jay]

Been in your shoes, and it is rough. Prayer can and will help. The only reason my daughters real dad pays CS is because it is taken out of his check. I have been round and round with him and have ended up toe to toe before. It is tough to hold my tongue around her where he is concerned but I do for her sake. All you can do is support her and your wife, and keep being her dad. We sent our daughter with a stuffed bear that had a cell phone in it in case she ever needed to call home for something. She does not take the phone out and turn it on unless she really feels she needs it.

[LongDraww]

I say deny him and take him back to court. I don't think he can pick and choose when he gets her. He has aloted time and has to abide by that. If he doesn't than I believe he is in contempt. I don't know is this is right, but it sounds like it. I am a step father of two. I know how unconfortable it can be. I DO know that you can take him back to court for more child support. And you can do it every year for 3 years I believe.

[Brinkley]

This is a tough one for you brother! It is hard work being a parent and even harder when there is a divorce.

[Hilbile]

BEAT his *** every time you cross paths. I know its not the best answer, but it sure wouldnt be the worst idea. Do a TBH trade. Somebody to deal a awhoopin for a Hunt.

send a pic and let us know when and were we be hunting....

[4wheels]

I like the firefly phone idea. You have to do what the papers say. The father might grow up in time. But for now he is ruled by circumstances and does not know how to grow beyond those circumstances. * There is a reason why he is the ex...* Keep loving the daughter and show her you always have her back. Don't say it - just prove it with your actions. We all have to do things we don't like as an adult and she is going to learn how to face that with courage by watching you. How you "be" in this situation is what she will learn and it will shape her life in ways that words can not describe.

* Most importantly props to you for having the courage, strength and love that you give this kid.*

[Joegeer]

I have been al over this issue. I was raised by a stepfather that was my Dad. He was one of the greatest men I ever knew and he loved me as his own and I love him. My bio always had access but didnt aleays use it.

Now I have step kids that I love as my own and an ex that I pay $1200+ a month for one child. That until I let it be known that I was gonna put her in jail would not let me see my daughter the way I am supposed to.

The whole situation sucks for everyone involved from the way the state handles child support to visitation. The only way that I could fix my situation was spend money I didnt have for a lawyer or put her in jail. Now who wants to put there ex in jail in front of there kid?!

The only thing that you can do is keep in contact to make sure she is OK. And besides that let her know you love her and hang on for the ride. Kids are alot smarter than we give them credit for. She will know who her real Daddy is.

[hubbace]

MattL, please feel free to pm me if you want or need more than i post here. I met my wirfe when our daughter was 3mo old and we were married when she was just over 2yr old. Her bio dad was a worthless peice, but I never let her know I felt this way until she was much older. In Cali, it did not even matter if he was current on support, you can not withhold visitation period. Trust me when I tell you those summer visits, when she does not want to go, the battles over who she calls Dad, the forcing her into the car, rips at your heart, but trust me when I tell you. Take the high road. Let her form her own opinions of him and she will know. My little girl always called me dad even though she knew her bio dad and mom made her, but she insisted on calling me dad. She would ask if I would adopt her some day, and since the last time we went to court [when she was 6 cause her bio dad was pushing for lower support], our attorney told us the court would take her choice into account as early as 12 and as late as 15. I will cut this short and we were blessed by bio dad finally asking me to proceed to adopt her when she was 8 and now she is mine in every way. She is not 18 and will be starting college this fall and I could not be a happier or proud father. If I can help, please PM me and I will be glad to give you my number and offer my experiences if you think they will help. Trust me when I tell you I know how hard it is, but the payoff is way more.

[Speedgoat]

I have no kids yet, nor do I have or want experience of that nature. I will pray for you though and for a happy outcome.

[nimrod]

check the devorce papers i believe mine is your month is july unless you notify the mother by a certain time to get another month if he has missed the date then he missed his month by the way i went through alot of this after 9 years after fighting about it the girls only ended up going there for a couple months on weekends then it all stopped and they didnt go anymore just saying this because it may not be a big deal she may be back pretty quick good luck

[Brinkley]

I thought in Texas visitation and support were two seperate things. That you could not keep a child from seeing their parent becuase of child support status. Is that true?