What are your favorite funny sayings/comebacks?

[Mossback]

you are higher than giraffe {}

[super_dave]

My 75 yo grandma got on an automatic 4wheeler one time and took it for a spin. When she got back I asked her how she liked it.
She replied “that’s easier than $h!++in in a well, and not near as dangerous.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Graysonhogs]

Busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest

Busier than a three legged cat covering SH**

[JES]

It’s on like a pot of neck bones!!!

F’d up like a soup sandwich.

[Dr. Evil]

I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m good once as I ever was

[Comanchehunter]

From my great grandmother:
He’s as crooked as a dog pissing in the snow.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Dr. Evil]

Like giving a termite a chainsaw

[boy wonder]

My old boss when I was in high school if something was difficult. "Whew, that'll take 2 men and a boy".

[boy wonder]

My mom would say "that's uglier than a mud fence".

[Davoh]

At a job I had 10 odd years ago, it became popular for folks(yes, "adults") to do 'yo momma' jokes....

Them "yo momma blah blah blah"
Me: "Not cool dood, my mom's dead."
Them: *look of horror* "oh man I'm so sorry
Me: *Grinning ear to ear* "I'm just messin with ya.."
Them: "Oh ok"
Me: "She really is dead though..."

Those jokes stopped getting flung around so much...

[Bdub25]

That's harder than Japanese arithmetic

That's higher than a giraffe's *****

Luckier than a dog with 2 ****$

Drier than a popcorn fart

Hotter than 2 rats having sex in a wool sock

That guy is so tight, he jumps the gate to keep from wearing out the hinges

Redder than a foxes ***** in a dewberry patch

Colder than a well diggers nutZ

uglier than a bucket of *****holes

Thats slicker than sperm on a marble

so quiet you can hear a mouse pi$$ on cotton

[Abu_dude]

when someone is running their mouth my favorite saying is...

"You better pack a lunch and bring your girlfriend because when I'm done with you, I'm gonna eat them both"

[bakin7005]

At my age you don't even by green bananas.
When you leave it'll be like pulling your finger out of a glass of water. The hole always fills back in and nobody knows you were ever there.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

[Mayhem]

Cheap people

That boy is tighter than 2 coats of paint.

He is tighter than skin on a weenie.

Liars

He had rather climb a tree and tell a lie, than stand on the ground and tell the truth.

That boy would lie about what he has for breakfast.

Confused

I don’t know whether to **** or go blind.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Big Lee]

"Condoms prevent mini vans."