Hard headed teen not doing homework

[DUKFVR]

I got into that kind of mood my second year of high school. I ended up quitting and going to work at a car dealership. I was portering and learning light mechanic. I was looking at what some of the guys were making that were twice my age and said to myself I didn't want to be like that. I ended up going to school and graduated with all A's after that. It may just take him some time to wake up and see what life is really like. I know that doesn't help you get him going but it's just another way of looking at it too. He may have to go out and do manual labor and work hard and see that there is no benefit in life at being like that.

[SabineHunter]

My guess is he doesn't have a girlfriend. Since you took away his only entertainment, he will have nothing to do except stare at his bedroom walls. Good. Be patient and he will come to his senses and man up. All these counseling suggestions make me wanna puke. Feed him, give him shelter and that's all you should do. He's testing you in a passive way.

[Rubi513]

My father tried to fight me at 16 and it ended badly for him. You might want to avoid that....

My brother challenged my Dad when he was around 17. Ol Pops put my brother on the ground quicker than I could blink.
I never would have hit my Dad, but witnessing that whoopin solidified my thoughts.

Op, you’re doing fine. Keep doing what you’re doing. Talk to him as much as you can. Hopefully he will open up, if he’s having problems.
Best of luck.

[boy wonder]

We all know the teens can be rough, you're stuck between child and adult. Try to be firm, but fair. My first inclination was to beat that *** but that, usually, isn't the best solution. I agree with trying to spend more time talking and listening to him. Not sure on the counseling......

[doghouse]

It's called tough love. You are in charge of his future.

[rvd]

My guess is he doesn't have a girlfriend. Since you took away his only entertainment, he will have nothing to do except stare at his bedroom walls. Good. Be patient and he will come to his senses and man up. All these counseling suggestions make me wanna puke. Feed him, give him shelter and that's all you should do. He's testing you in a passive way.

Are you referring to me saying to talk to him as counseling?

[Shane]

Make sure he knows that you love him more than anything on this earth, and you want nothing but the best for him. Try to get across the point that you are willing to do whatever it takes to help him be a success and to learn how to make good decisions for himself. You'll be tough and be hard on him if required, but your goal is to see him succeed in every way. Get that across to him more than anything else.

And then listen to him. Really listen. Help him navigate whatever he's struggling with. Don't fix everything for him. Help him take responsibility for his own actions and decisions. And you take responsibility for yours. If you realize any mistakes on your end, apologize like a man to him. Treat him with love and respect and expect the same from him.

It doesn't sound like it'll be easy. Prayers sent, brother. Hang in there. Tough love is both tough AND loving.

[RockTippedStick]

Didn't you go through a divorce recently? Not trying to pry into your life but I thought I remember that. If so, that is highly likely the problem. If not, forgive me, I guess I am thinking of someone else. I know I struggled some as a kid when my parents divorced.

[SabineHunter]

Are you referring to me saying to talk to him as counseling?

I don't remember you saying that but if you did, then, yes. Counselors are just messy.

[Txtourist]

I wish I’d have known the importance of applying myself academically and gotten involved in some sports and activities when I was in high school. I was distracted and disinterested, and had a chip on my shoulder. I just didn’t get it and had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. My parents would crack down on me hard after report cards and conferences
and I’d scramble a bit to catch up. When they came down on me, I was just a deer in the headlights and basically just came to resent school like it was a sort of punishment, making it worse. I wasn’t a bad kid, wasn’t partying, hanging out with bad kids. I just worked a lot thought teachers and any authority figure was just in my way. I really liked working, welding, working on cars and what I foolishly thought was making good money, with no idea how badly I was selling myself short. My dad was busy running his business, and my mom was busy working and running a household. Fortunately, I had an amazing physics teacher who approached my parents about getting me tested for ADD. I was a super shy kid, never caused problems, but I was just off in my own world, totally unaware of what was going on. I got by okay until high school and then it just slipped away.
I got some help and it turned things around big time. None of us had a clue there was an issue, other than I was just disinterested, or just off on another planet.
I’m no expert, but I would suggest a visit to a counselor to sort things out a bit.
Your son may be dealing with something you nor he are in a position to improve, and it may take some time, but it’s never too late.
In my case I busted my butt, and came to really enjoy academics, once I was able to be present and not drift off. I got involved in a few things, had a great girlfriend and some friends who inspired me too.
I lost my only sister to depression and anxiety as an adult in her late 20’s. That said, it’s worth getting an outside assessment and maybe some help. It’s easy as a parent to throw gas on a fire when you’re trying to help those you love. Being a teenager can be difficult with hormones, awkwardness, rejection and social things. All of this can twist a young man up to a point they don’t know what’s going on themselves. My oldest has had some challenging times as well and I’ve had to go take a breather and think about my story.
Best of luck

[SabineHunter]

Didn't you go through a divorce recently? Not trying to pry into your life but I thought I remember that. If so, that is highly likely the problem. If not, forgive me, I guess I am thinking of someone else. I know I struggled some as a kid when my parents divorced.

I dunno, looks like his wife in his avatar.

[salth2o]

I've asked him why. He just says he doesn't see a use for it. Things like reading the Iliad. He said when will I ever use that so doesn't see a need to do it.

Questioning how the Iliad will help him in the future is a valid question.


What's his plan for life? Get him in a school that has a track or path for his intended career.

[S-3 Ranch]

I remember those days, definitely remember my dad dropping me off with a guy who had just dropped off his own son at mma ( marine military academy) , Andy put me in a truck and dropped me off with a road crew busting out cement with a 90 lbs jackhammer and shoveling it in a truck, 2nd day changed my destiny in life , a new found out look on how important it is to try better studying habits
Dad also reminded me that he owned the ranch, my truck, the roof over my head, and how his plumber father had worked himself in to a early grave being uneducated and under employed for quitting school! Sometimes hard lessons make for better vision about the future! His dad showed him and my uncle, they needed a education instead of a shovel , dad showed me

[Ætheling]

Have his IQ tested. A good number of apathetic students have extremely high IQs and are burnt out on what they have become bored with over the years. School is very repetitive and if not challenging him he could have lost complete interest. You would be surprised how often this is the case with apathy. Students like that do much better in programs designed for them. It could also be something going on at or outside of school and he may be too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it. Professional counselor can help with both of these situations.

[Mission408]

Maybe take him to work for a week. Show him the real world working side by side(don't know what you do this may not be possible) you may be able to teach him that we all at times have to do certain things are dumb but required of all of us to move forward in life to get where we want to be. Help him see the bigger picture.