Mine told me a few days ago that she feels nothing when I kiss her. We've been together 11 years and married for 6. Those words sucked the wind right out of my lungs faster than anything in my life.
I've been a horrible husband, and she has been an angel. I've never touched her but the mental abuse from arguments and mistakes made has taken a toll almost to the point of no repair. I have never been unfaithful and neither has she to my knowledge, she wouldn't be able to hide it, just as I wouldn't.
She told me for the last few years she has been wanting to leave, but didn't know how, or just kept waiting to see if I would change. I'm not sure why she stayed to be honest. The things that came out of my mouth makes me just want to beat myself and cut out my tongue. Being selfish on top of that did not help either. I never put her first but maybe a few times in 11 years. Her heart has hardened as it should....and I don't know if I can repair it.
I suffer from depression which escalated with the passing of my mother in 2016 then my father in 2018. Bed ridden in 2017 for 8 months with a back injury surely didn't help things move along either. I have never been diagnosed nor sought care, but something inside me is off and I know it is.
I inherited a large sum of money when my mom passed. I quit my job to focus on our house remodel ( I am a Commercial GC). The intention was to finish the remodel and get back to work but the back injury mentioned above comes into play a few months into the remodel. Being bed ridden, the house sat in an unfinished state and still does to this day. I lost all motivation to continue with it to be honest. I became a hermit and cut off all communication with colleagues and friends as well as my wife. Not working and living off the inheritance I starting waking up later and later and going to bed later and later. I stopped showering, brushing my teeth for days on end. I knew it was wrong, but I just could not motivate myself to make it happen. No matter how hard I would try my brain would talk me out of it somehow. Days went by that turned into months and finally years of this self destruction to myself. I had no want to live anymore. Everyday was excruciating to be here. I am smart enough to know what to do to be a successful human, as I was one before this onset, I just could not find the motivation until she told me that she wants to talk about separating.
That was 96 hours ago. Since then we have talked more than we have in 10 years. It has been a mix of emotions for both but she said she is willing to give it a day at a time to see if I can change and become the husband she married and deserves. I can't argue with that.
So with the biggest challenge of my life ahead of me I put on my big boy pants and got after it. I have begun the rebuilding of not only my life but ours as well. Hearing those words is what it took to snap me out of the darkest hole I have ever been in. I have never felt more alive than I have in the last few days, although there is still an uncertainty of how it will play out, I am going to become a better person than I once was. Doing things around the house, being able to have a civilized conversation without the blowups, but most of all proving to her that she will be number 1 for the rest of our time together. Nothing else matters at this point to me. I am both feet in and full speed ahead.
I see a therapist for the first time on Wednesday. My wife has expressed her desire for me to go over the last few years, but with my stubborn self and the stigma of going to a therapist I was not interested. I found a former veteran who I thought I can click with being a vet myself. We spoke briefly on Saturday and I am excited to meet him and begin healing. Doing this also proved to my wife how serious I am. I have given nothing but lip service for 11 years, it's time for actions now.
I will take it one day at a time, as that's all any of us can do anyways. I will keep my head high and remember the bigger picture at hand when faced with adversities. I have a long road ahead of me and am willing to fight for it to the end. For those of you that read this, this has been very hard for me to write. I am exposing my demons for the world to see and criticize. But.....that is what I need right now, people who have been in similar situations that can offer hope and or advice. I come to TBH because I now what a wonderful group this is. I don't fit in with them skinny jeans types.
So my question is, has your wife ever fallen back in love with you?
I've been a horrible husband, and she has been an angel. I've never touched her but the mental abuse from arguments and mistakes made has taken a toll almost to the point of no repair. I have never been unfaithful and neither has she to my knowledge, she wouldn't be able to hide it, just as I wouldn't.
She told me for the last few years she has been wanting to leave, but didn't know how, or just kept waiting to see if I would change. I'm not sure why she stayed to be honest. The things that came out of my mouth makes me just want to beat myself and cut out my tongue. Being selfish on top of that did not help either. I never put her first but maybe a few times in 11 years. Her heart has hardened as it should....and I don't know if I can repair it.
I suffer from depression which escalated with the passing of my mother in 2016 then my father in 2018. Bed ridden in 2017 for 8 months with a back injury surely didn't help things move along either. I have never been diagnosed nor sought care, but something inside me is off and I know it is.
I inherited a large sum of money when my mom passed. I quit my job to focus on our house remodel ( I am a Commercial GC). The intention was to finish the remodel and get back to work but the back injury mentioned above comes into play a few months into the remodel. Being bed ridden, the house sat in an unfinished state and still does to this day. I lost all motivation to continue with it to be honest. I became a hermit and cut off all communication with colleagues and friends as well as my wife. Not working and living off the inheritance I starting waking up later and later and going to bed later and later. I stopped showering, brushing my teeth for days on end. I knew it was wrong, but I just could not motivate myself to make it happen. No matter how hard I would try my brain would talk me out of it somehow. Days went by that turned into months and finally years of this self destruction to myself. I had no want to live anymore. Everyday was excruciating to be here. I am smart enough to know what to do to be a successful human, as I was one before this onset, I just could not find the motivation until she told me that she wants to talk about separating.
That was 96 hours ago. Since then we have talked more than we have in 10 years. It has been a mix of emotions for both but she said she is willing to give it a day at a time to see if I can change and become the husband she married and deserves. I can't argue with that.
So with the biggest challenge of my life ahead of me I put on my big boy pants and got after it. I have begun the rebuilding of not only my life but ours as well. Hearing those words is what it took to snap me out of the darkest hole I have ever been in. I have never felt more alive than I have in the last few days, although there is still an uncertainty of how it will play out, I am going to become a better person than I once was. Doing things around the house, being able to have a civilized conversation without the blowups, but most of all proving to her that she will be number 1 for the rest of our time together. Nothing else matters at this point to me. I am both feet in and full speed ahead.
I see a therapist for the first time on Wednesday. My wife has expressed her desire for me to go over the last few years, but with my stubborn self and the stigma of going to a therapist I was not interested. I found a former veteran who I thought I can click with being a vet myself. We spoke briefly on Saturday and I am excited to meet him and begin healing. Doing this also proved to my wife how serious I am. I have given nothing but lip service for 11 years, it's time for actions now.
I will take it one day at a time, as that's all any of us can do anyways. I will keep my head high and remember the bigger picture at hand when faced with adversities. I have a long road ahead of me and am willing to fight for it to the end. For those of you that read this, this has been very hard for me to write. I am exposing my demons for the world to see and criticize. But.....that is what I need right now, people who have been in similar situations that can offer hope and or advice. I come to TBH because I now what a wonderful group this is. I don't fit in with them skinny jeans types.
So my question is, has your wife ever fallen back in love with you?
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