Weddings? Who pays????

[Hooverfb]

I got married 5 years ago. Told inlaws we're going to elope and do a small family party before we moved to texas. In laws immediately blew that up to big fat greek wedding proportions paid for by them.

If they dont want to pay, you sure as heck dont have to. Up to your kids at that point what they want and what they can afford. Not too complicated. If they get mad say that's life, pound sand.

[RobinHood]

Haha, I could write an essay on my daughters wedding, but I’ll keep it short.
We met only once to discuss this. It was decided the wedding will be split 4 ways- me, my ex, and both his parents (they are divorced also). I was told we’ll budget it at $20k.
After all the wedding planning got started and no more meetings were going to happen to discuss anything further, I saw that the $20k wouldn’t last long, so I wrote my $5k check and handed it over and said good luck.
I still catch flack today because she had to fork out all this extra money on the wedding. I look at it like this- if we coulda met more and discussed things with me being able to give a little say so in the matter, I mighta contributed more. But I’m always left out of all the decision making and just included in the financing part of everything. I’m going through the same thing with my other daughter in college and that just ain’t right...


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[Charrison]

Wife and I wanted a small wedding.
Father n law had a guest list at just a shade under 850.... he paid.

[schmalzy]

Weddings? Who pays????

Wife and I wanted a small wedding.
Father n law had a guest list at just a shade under 850.... he paid.

My wife wanted a bigger one and FIL wanted it as well and he covered it. My folks pitched us some cash and said “use as you want” and we used to cover the drinks I think. Honestly can’t remember, 7 years a ago.

I get how it seems ridiculous and all that, and I would have much rather had the cash to get started in life, but it was the happiest I’ve ever seen my wife and it was an immensely proud day for my FIL to give his daughter away. He died unexpectedly earlier this year. My sister in law won’t get the option. The only reason I say that is, if you have the means, and it’s important to you or your family, do what makes you/them happy. You can make or save more money, but life and the people in it can disappear quick.




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[Troutamer]

I don't know why parents chose to involve themselves in these matters at all. There should be no rules written or unwritten about who pays for anything. Its the couple getting married not the in laws. If the parents offer to help fine if not its not their responsibility. The wedding is one of the most unimportant things in a marriage. There will be enough troubles come for them don't add to the stress. The only thing that counts in marriage is love and commitment.

[Artos]

What kinda wedding are they planning / budget?? Not sure how one would insist to another going 50/50 & leave this part out!! Need more 411...are the new in-laws loaded?? Like Shane stated, without communication??


Man, I am so blessed...Mrs Artos & I dated for 10 years before getting married. The big day was in my Grandparents back yard & only immediate family. Reception was at Mom's (our cards read 'no gifts necessary') Ironically, I had two other buddies get married the same day which happened to be a Friday the 13th. So now we had mutual friends who were reception jumping / crashing once the word got out.

Bout as low budget as you can plus a drama free wedding!!

[louieagarcia]

1/3 myself, 1/3 my inlaws, and 1/3 my parents. Worked out great.


I really think that if you pay in full for a wedding (whether parent of groom or bride), you should get some sort of guarantee that it will last at least "X" amount of years...and if not, you get back a prorated amount of the wedding costs

[Mike D]

Not a chance in hell anybody is insisting I pay for anything that’s not mine. I might do it out of the kindness of my heart, but not because someone’s little princess tells me to.

My wife’s parents gave us a budget, and anything over that I scratched the check for myself. We ended up splitting it about 50/50. I didn’t once think of asking my parents for a dime. This was last year by the way.

^^^^^^^ This right here!


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[marshman]

Wow! 3 pages of responses! Never would have imagined it would get so many. It I appreciate them all. Their estimated cost for their wedding is around 10-11k. Not bad after seeing what some others have paid.
I guess what gripes me the most is her parents just assumed and expected us to pay half instead of approaching us and asking if we could. Her parents arn’t what I’d call wealthy, but they do travel from Orange to Austin several times during football season to watch the Longhorns. They also usually take a cruise or 2 each year and not long ago they got back from tubing in the Hill Country.
How many UT games (or any other college games) have I been too? Zero.
How many cruises have we went on? Zero
How many times have I been to the Hill country to float the rivers? Again zero.

Like I said I think it was the approach that was used that p****d me off.

[Hoggslayer]

Anyone that lets some female "hold the power" is a dumb A

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I don't know if you've noticed but those females have a secret weapon. Its the most destructive WMD ever. Lots of Dumb A's in this world.

[TA_Fab]

From the perspective of someone that will be getting married in the next year or so, I don’t expect money from either side. Although both could afford it. I look at it as I’m getting married why should anyone else have pay for it?


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[TX03RUBI]

Wow! 3 pages of responses! Never would have imagined it would get so many. It I appreciate them all. Their estimated cost for their wedding is around 10-11k. Not bad after seeing what some others have paid.
I guess what gripes me the most is her parents just assumed and expected us to pay half instead of approaching us and asking if we could. Her parents arn’t what I’d call wealthy, but they do travel from Orange to Austin several times during football season to watch the Longhorns. They also usually take a cruise or 2 each year and not long ago they got back from tubing in the Hill Country.
How many UT games (or any other college games) have I been too? Zero.
How many cruises have we went on? Zero
How many times have I been to the Hill country to float the rivers? Again zero.

Like I said I think it was the approach that was used that p****d me off.

It was the approach that got me too. If they asked them I’d be more inclined to help. The way it stands I’d offer your son a $3-5k check, and tell him to spend it how he sees fit. Still take care of rehearsal dinner though.

[yotethumper]

I got married last year. Wife and I wanted a very small wedding at the family ranch with close friends and family. We could have had a very lavish wedding but we didn't want that. We had 32 people at the wedding.

My MIL had different ideas. She wanted a HUGE and EXPENSIVE wedding, something my wife and I did not want. The entire rehearsal dinner and wedding my MIL was rambling about how "she was the mother of the bride" and complaining. Groomsmen and I were late getting to the wedding because the "mother of the bride" decide she was going to use the room we were going to be getting ready in and we would have to deal with it and wait because "she was the mother of the bride." Long story short, she tromped off and left early while the rest of us had an absolute BLAST while doing it affordably. Thankful the in-laws live out of state .

In laws paid for the wedding, my folks paid for the rehearsal, and I paid for the honeymoon.

[TX03RUBI]

I don't know if you've noticed but those females have a secret weapon. Its the most destructive WMD ever. Lots of Dumb A's in this world.

The best defense against that weapon is being able to easily attain more of that weapon. It’s amazing how much better off you are when you don’t put it on a pedestal.

[Artos]

Wow! 3 pages of responses! Never would have imagined it would get so many. It I appreciate them all. Their estimated cost for their wedding is around 10-11k. Not bad after seeing what some others have paid.
I guess what gripes me the most is her parents just assumed and expected us to pay half instead of approaching us and asking if we could. Her parents arn’t what I’d call wealthy, but they do travel from Orange to Austin several times during football season to watch the Longhorns. They also usually take a cruise or 2 each year and not long ago they got back from tubing in the Hill Country.
How many UT games (or any other college games) have I been too? Zero.
How many cruises have we went on? Zero
How many times have I been to the Hill country to float the rivers? Again zero.

Like I said I think it was the approach that was used that p****d me off.

Bout what I figured...only you can decide if going ahead with the split deal is going to be worth it & that is geared more towards the drama. Personally, I would be honest with them in regards to how they approached it or do whatever you feel is best to let the issue go. You don't want to drag this anchor to the wedding so good luck on getting fair closure.

A lot of what I personally would do would depend on the current relationship with the in-laws & how often would I be dealing with them in the future.