im not one to ever air out my personal stuff on here. I comment on hunting stuff but nothing else normally. ive seen several posts in the past of fellow tbhers reaching out to the GS for advice. most of us are cut from the same cloth. I never dreamed I would be "airing out" my personal problems on here but this site has always been a wealth of knowledge and support... so here goes.
I have been happily married for 24 1/2 years. I have a wife and 2 kids, one in college and one a sophomore in HS. we built our first house in 2008. ever since then, the pressure of life and finances has slowly consumed me. the one thing my wife and I ever argue about is money. im a tightwad its sad to say. there have been arguments over the years over just a few hundred dollars at times, high cc bills, me questioning purchases, etc. we get past it, make up and move on. over and over and over. i've always been "that guy" that didn't need counseling, because I was always right and had all the answers. ive been very controlling at times. 2018 and so far this year have been really rough on us financially. major medical bills, house flooding, etc. its taken its toll on me and thus our marriage. a little over 2 weeks ago it came to a head. my wife told me there were other options for happiness. she was considering divorce. and to make matters worse, at that precise time, she met a mystery person, through social media. this person lives no where around here, but has managed to tap into her weakened heart and say the some things that has field voids, voids that I have created due to neglect and lack of affection in recent months and maybe even the last year or so. they have never even actually met or even talked on the phone, but for some crazy reason he has become a bit of a threat to me now. we have discussed it all openly and she admitted it to me this week when I asked. he literally popped up, the week before I was told there are other options. ever since that night, I have been in full reaction mode. it has been uncontrollable for me. literally a 180 degree swing in 2 weeks. affection, trying to be more loving, kissing her when she walks by, reading her every move, gesture, eye contact etc. its embarrassing at how I have been. now any "I love you" or any kiss I get is strictly reactionary from her from me initiating it. im trying to back off and give her space but its difficult. we were actually slowly climbing that hill upwards until the setback about this mystery guy surfaced this week. today, together we took a step forward and cut the ties with this mystery social media guy and even deleted the app. there is a bit of trust issue I now have with her, which will only complicate matters. we have our first appointment with a Christian based marriage counselor this coming week. I am terrified to say the least. ive always thought my marriage was bulletproof, having taken my wife for granted and allowing financial stuff to interfere with what is really important. she is severely scarred inside im afraid. im scared to death that I am too late now. my goal is to save our marriage and instill the love and dedication I used to. her goal in all of this is making the right decision for happiness, being with me or without. we agree its going to take more love and dedication for us to survive this, but I really have my doubts if im going to get full dedication from her now due to my tract record. shes afraid im going to to go back to that person I was and I don't blame her one bit for being that way. we agree its going to be a slow process, that will require lots of patience and positive thinking and actions. I know she is leaning the other way right now for a fact. shes not sure she wants to get back on the "bus" so to speak. I never in all these years would dream I would be in this position, but I am. I've got faith the lord will help get us through this and salvage our marriage but I also know that there is no guarantee. we both pray for us every day. I really don't know what to do. im going this week to get some anxiety medication to help me control my emotions. im so afraid its too late and don't know what to do. im really leaning on this counseling we are about to embark on, to help us find some answers but I know with it, comes some potential dark days for us. it feels like we have a 50%chance at best right now. any advice fellas?
I have been happily married for 24 1/2 years. I have a wife and 2 kids, one in college and one a sophomore in HS. we built our first house in 2008. ever since then, the pressure of life and finances has slowly consumed me. the one thing my wife and I ever argue about is money. im a tightwad its sad to say. there have been arguments over the years over just a few hundred dollars at times, high cc bills, me questioning purchases, etc. we get past it, make up and move on. over and over and over. i've always been "that guy" that didn't need counseling, because I was always right and had all the answers. ive been very controlling at times. 2018 and so far this year have been really rough on us financially. major medical bills, house flooding, etc. its taken its toll on me and thus our marriage. a little over 2 weeks ago it came to a head. my wife told me there were other options for happiness. she was considering divorce. and to make matters worse, at that precise time, she met a mystery person, through social media. this person lives no where around here, but has managed to tap into her weakened heart and say the some things that has field voids, voids that I have created due to neglect and lack of affection in recent months and maybe even the last year or so. they have never even actually met or even talked on the phone, but for some crazy reason he has become a bit of a threat to me now. we have discussed it all openly and she admitted it to me this week when I asked. he literally popped up, the week before I was told there are other options. ever since that night, I have been in full reaction mode. it has been uncontrollable for me. literally a 180 degree swing in 2 weeks. affection, trying to be more loving, kissing her when she walks by, reading her every move, gesture, eye contact etc. its embarrassing at how I have been. now any "I love you" or any kiss I get is strictly reactionary from her from me initiating it. im trying to back off and give her space but its difficult. we were actually slowly climbing that hill upwards until the setback about this mystery guy surfaced this week. today, together we took a step forward and cut the ties with this mystery social media guy and even deleted the app. there is a bit of trust issue I now have with her, which will only complicate matters. we have our first appointment with a Christian based marriage counselor this coming week. I am terrified to say the least. ive always thought my marriage was bulletproof, having taken my wife for granted and allowing financial stuff to interfere with what is really important. she is severely scarred inside im afraid. im scared to death that I am too late now. my goal is to save our marriage and instill the love and dedication I used to. her goal in all of this is making the right decision for happiness, being with me or without. we agree its going to take more love and dedication for us to survive this, but I really have my doubts if im going to get full dedication from her now due to my tract record. shes afraid im going to to go back to that person I was and I don't blame her one bit for being that way. we agree its going to be a slow process, that will require lots of patience and positive thinking and actions. I know she is leaning the other way right now for a fact. shes not sure she wants to get back on the "bus" so to speak. I never in all these years would dream I would be in this position, but I am. I've got faith the lord will help get us through this and salvage our marriage but I also know that there is no guarantee. we both pray for us every day. I really don't know what to do. im going this week to get some anxiety medication to help me control my emotions. im so afraid its too late and don't know what to do. im really leaning on this counseling we are about to embark on, to help us find some answers but I know with it, comes some potential dark days for us. it feels like we have a 50%chance at best right now. any advice fellas?
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