Old guy sayings

[Pineywoods]

From my Dad...

"That was slicker than greased owl sh1t"
"Want in one hand and sh1t in the other and see which one fills up faster"

[Gclyde28]

Couple more I've remembered:

If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough.

Its hotter than a goats a** in a pepper patch.

That boys softer than puppy sh** in the rain.

[RedBear78]

Don’t ever grow up it’s all a lie

[Goldeneagle]

"Don't believe that big feet crap!" - me.

[EliteDriver]

If Jack@sses could fly, this place would be an airport....One of my Dad's favorites....lol...

[Txsurveyor2014]

I could lock you in a padded room with a bowling ball and an anvil and come back in 10 minutes and the anvil would be broken and the bowling ball would be missing!


you dont know your butt from a hole in the ground!



I will put a knot on your head, so big that you have to stand up in a chair to rub it

[toastie]

on dating: You can fall in love with a rich girl just as easy as a poor one.

Advice on Marriage: Wait until your 40 then if you dont have sense enough, go ahead.

on work: Every lick I make in the woods lets in an acre of sunshine

on my late nights: You cant fly with the owls at night and keep up with the eagles during the day

[breederbuck33]

I once made a comment to my boss how I could do it his way but my way would be easier. His response will be with me forever.

"If you want something soft come over here and I'll S%$t in your hand! Now get to work!"

[Oleman]

Just go p*** up a rope

[curtintex]

"It would take three fellas your size just to rip my picture in half"

[PassnItOn]

"Busier than a one legged man at an ***** kicking contest."

"Nuttier than a Bo-John at a peanut festival."

[Abcdj]

I was told all these working with my uncles at one time or another.
Boy your dumber than a sack full of hammers.
Inch by inch its a cinch.
You would screw up a one man rock fight.
Boy you got 3 brain cells. One's dead and the other two are fighting.

I stole this from Caddy shack and told my kids this all the time.
You'll get nothing and like it.

[PassnItOn]

"I asked my grandpa the secret to success with women. He said kiss them where it stinks... so I drove her to Luling!"

[Jason Fry]

I'm not that old, 42, but I say a few things that throw my gen Z employees for a loop. They don't know anything about "don't throw me in the briar patch" and if you say "maybe all he really wanted was a Pepsi and they wouldn't give it to him," they are stumped.

[jmac24]

I have been working harder than an ugly stripper!!

It is colder than a well diggers a** out there

It is colder than a witches t*t in a brass bra out there