Old guy sayings

[Old Bald Guy]

From my grandsons talking about some singer they thought was hot:
"I've walked the slobbering donkey to her plenty of times"

[bboswell]

Old guy I used to work for would say when I showed up hung over about four days out of five…”boy you look like somethin a wolf ate, and **** off a cliff”. and the guy in the next office would reply, every time…”what was her name?”


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Heard that a time or two but with a coyote.

[TransPecos]

When unexpectedly passing gas, my Grandad says, “The string on my pucker valve slipped.”

He’s 97. WW2 vet and all around ******.

[SaltwaterSlick]

When unexpectedly passing gas, my Grandad says, “The string on my pucker valve slipped.”

He’s 97. WW2 vet and all around ******.

Another one I heard often was, "That ain't bad manners. That's good beans!"

[Goldeneagle]

That gal is finer than frogs hair!

[breederbuck33]

"Son your memory's like your wiener" Everytime I forgot something.
She's ugly as home made soap.

I like coming back to this because some of the other sayings remind me of sayings my grandfather used to say.

[breederbuck33]

My Grandfather used to to tell me:

"S**t in one hand and wish in the other, see which one fills up the fastest"

My boss once told me this when I was trying to figure out an easier way to do something.

"If you want something soft come over here and I'll **** in your hand."

[mikew14]

My Dad always told me..
"Son, if you want sympathy it's in the dictionary between ***** and syphilis."

anytime I left the house he would say...
"keep the wheels between the ditches and girls out of your britches."

Once told me about a girl I was dating....and he was right.
"if she had as many sticking out of her as shes had stuck in her she would look like a porcupine."

[duckheadchili]

That's slicker than a two peckered billy goat

[Smithwr]

If you aint in bed by midnight you might as well just come on home

[Bear Charge]

I've had worse on my....

[AtTheWall]

Gas, Grass or ***** - No rides for free!


All I got

[JBJGS0007]

My dad "That boy could tear up anvil in a cotton field while buck naked"

[fullsizeaggie]

Grandpa - Six to one half a dozen to the other.

Grandparents- Well they’re killing people on the freeway. Always when you were leaving.

[35remington]

That's hilarious!

Not many people get it, but the ones that do seem to like it

When someone is rambling on and on about something... "Land the plane!"

There's a 100% chance I will use that one this week. Thanks!