I’m in want and need of solid advice.

[fox1]

Not sure what state she lives in but here in Oklahoma I have friends who have adopted some kids with some serious issues.
Same thing your describing as far as they were born addicted to drugs and seen a lot of neglect. The state gives the entire family counseling for as long as the kids are minors. It's not your typical run of the mill state funded stuff but some really good therapist and family counseling. You might have your sister check into it to see if her state offers the same

[snappertapper]

Either I've had too many margaritas to understand the situation, or you've had too many to properly explain it.

At the very least I'd sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning.

[Pushbutton2]

Not sure what state she lives in but here in Oklahoma I have friends who have adopted some kids with some serious issues.
Same thing your describing as far as they were born addicted to drugs and seen a lot of neglect. The state gives the entire family counseling for as long as the kids are minors. It's not your typical run of the mill state funded stuff but some really good therapist and family counseling. You might have your sister check into it to see if her state offers the same

They don't live in OK.

They used too, not sure if they still do.
It was/is part of the process where they live.

They picked up the youngest in OKC. I was going to meet them, than realized what they were doing and we decided then timing was wrong, it should be all about the boy.

I'll ask her in the am, and encourage her to follow through.

[Pushbutton2]

I agree with this. Adopted children come with challenges that you cannot predict or understand. There are likely underlying issues (and 99.9% sure there are) that will not be applicable to a typical parental situation. Neither the child nor parent will fully grasp what is going on. Introduce testosterone to the situation and it is a recipe for something, well not good. When your sister adopted those kids she accepted what would likely not be a typical situation, whether she realized it or not.

I have 2 adopted children who are 12 and 14. They are wonderful, but.....

I will pray for your sister. You might be able to help in some way, but you cannot swoop in and fix it. Might not hurt to pay a visit, but it needs to be in a 100% supportive way. You cannot be the disciplinarian if you are not there long term.

The disciplinarian is what I know.
Not always physically but more like.
Ok here's the rules. Follow them we're good. Don't there's consequences.
Mostly grounding.

This soft and cuddly share your feelings stuff is new to me.

Me and my wife adopted my nephew's in 1999. They're dad, brother, and his girlfriend were using when they was both born.
They were 5 & 3

I haven't spoken to them since her sister and the state of Texas kidnapped them 6 years ago.

There was dysfunction in my family. I wasn't prepared for the challenges, similar to what shes going through. I erroneously thought with a firm loving hand, not from spanking, we'd be ok.
I was wrong.
My grandson turned 2 this past summer. I have one picture of him just after he was born. Never even seen him. Doubt I ever will. That makes me sad.

[RascalArms]

I don’t have a lot of answers...or really ANY but you sound like a level headed brother that’s just trying to be there and protect his sister and her best interest. I commend you on your efforts.
Not sure exactly what you really should do as I don’t totally understand the severity of the situation. That being said, I’ve seen first hand how drugs and dependency do irreparable damage to families. Prayers for His healing.

[sbushee]

These boys need a constant father figure in their lives. I’m sure dad tries but if he’s a truck driver he is probably gone 20 days a month. It also seems as though you haven’t been in much contact with them. Add to that the emotional instability of things such as narcotic dependency and the feeling that their birth parent left them and you have a powder keg waiting to explode. They’re not going to get better on their own, they’re going to get worse. What do the kids say when they were asked about their behavior? Dad needs to find a job that allows him to be home at night.

As a parent of three I can assure you that kids and be very trying. It sounds as if you have reached out to your church, has your sister done the same? How about the boy’s school? How are they’re grades? If school suffers, it starts a downward spiral that can be
near impossible to reverse.

I once saw a documentary about elephants. The adult bulls in the herd were all killed or died. The juvenile (teenage) males started reeking havoc on the herd. Fighting, attacking babies in the heardand harassing the females. The conservation officers introduced mature bulls from another herd and the mature bulls put the juveniles in their place and restored the pecking order, so to speak. It sounds to me like your situation is similar.

When is the last time you have seen them? It sounds like it’s been some time. It’s akin to wanting to close the gate after the horse has ran out of the pen. Those boys need constant love, attention, and discipline from their father. If there’s other issues, they also need professional intervention from qualified medical personnel.

Just my .02

[Pushbutton2]

They don't live in OK.

They used too see a therapist, not sure if they still do.
It was/is part of the adoption process in the state they live in process where they live.

They picked up the youngest in OKC. I was going to meet them, than realized what they were doing and we decided then timing was wrong, it should be all about the boy.

I'll ask her in the am, and encourage her to follow through.

I think I need to add more to this. I made my additional comments Bold

[Pushbutton2]

I don’t have a lot of answers...or really ANY but you sound like a level headed brother that’s just trying to be there and protect his sister and her best interest. I commend you on your efforts.
Not sure exactly what you really should do as I don’t totally understand the severity of the situation. That being said, I’ve seen first hand how drugs and dependency do irreparable damage to families. Prayers for His healing.

The brother between us was a junky. Did prison time. Attempted suicide.
Him and his GF both did time for drugs.
They had 2 boys together. The youngest of which was 3 months old when they both went to prison.
Me and my wife adopted them when they were 5 & 3.
I've ben in her situation.

These boys need a constant father figure in their lives. I’m sure dad tries but if he’s a truck driver he is probably gone 20 days a month.
He's asked me many times to come drive for him. He's had other drivers work for him but it never worked out. He needs someone with experience driving and is trustworthy. I've got 23 years experience and there's trust between us. My hold up is its family and my experience working with friends and family is that it tends to cause friction because of expectations on each side.
It also seems as though you haven’t been in much contact with them.
I haven't.Add to that the emotional instability of things such as narcotic dependency and the feeling that their birth parent left them and you have a powder keg waiting to explode. They’re not going to get better on their own, they’re going to get worse. What do the kids say when they were asked about their behavior?
I'll ask
Dad needs to find a job that allows him to be home at night.

As a parent of three I can assure you that kids and be very trying. It sounds as if you have reached out to your church, has your sister done the same?
I hope so. 3 years ago they were between Churches
How about the boy’s school? How are they’re grades? If school suffers, it starts a downward spiral that can be near impossible to reverse.
All of them are starting Football players. I was told the coach wouldn't let them start without passing grades

I once saw a documentary about elephants. The adult bulls in the herd were all killed or died. The juvenile (teenage) males started reeking havoc on the herd. Fighting, attacking babies in the heardand harassing the females. The conservation officers introduced mature bulls from another herd and the mature bulls put the juveniles in their place and restored the pecking order, so to speak. It sounds to me like your situation is similar.
We were raised without a dad. Parents divorced when I was 7 or 8, she was 3 or 4. I said that to say I understand! when I was 16ish mom remarried. Me and the stepdad didn't get along real well right away. I was the oldest male in the house up until then. We had some conflict, nothing bad or physical just establishing who's the "boss".

When is the last time you have seen them?
3 years.
It sounds like it’s been some time. It’s akin to wanting to close the gate after the horse has ran out of the pen. Those boys need constant love, attention, and discipline from their father. If there’s other issues, they also need professional intervention from qualified medical personnel.

Just my .02

I'm going to reply in the quote using Bold text

[Pushbutton2]

I have a Bible App on my Phone. its called Tecarta Bible.

Todays Verse:
James 4:7-10 NKJV
[7]Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
[8]Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts you double-minded.
[9]Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.
[10]Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

Here are some things that stand out to me.
Its a programming argument If/Than
If we do this than HE WILL do x not might or maybe.

[RascalArms]

The brother between us was a junky. Did prison time. Attempted suicide.

Him and his GF both did time for drugs.

They had 2 boys together. The youngest of which was 3 months old when they both went to prison.

Me and my wife adopted them when they were 5 & 3.

I've ben in her situation.




Bold text

Tough situation for sure. You sound like you are at least level headed enough to know what’s going on and that God will direct you. [emoji106] At some point you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Praying for you and the entire family.