Just need to vent a little

[canny]

My wife and I are anticipating the birth of our first born, baby girl. This could happen any time within the next week or so. All of my family is extremely excited about her arrival.

Here's where the issue lies. I live 1.5 hours away from my family. Last night I was talking to my dad about our recent doctors visit and old him that she could be coming in the next week or so and that he should start planning on if he was coming up. This means putting some clothes in a bag, handling the pets (either bring them or have someone come feed for a day or so). His response was "We'll See, I don't know what we have going so I can't say if we will be there or not". I was kind of shocked at his response. I know my dads schedule (he and my grandfather own the company) and they could get away at a moments notice.

My parents were divorced when was 12 and I lived with my dad so for many years it was just he and I. We are really close and I guess for the first time in my life I feel disappointed in him. My mom, step-dad, and grandparents already have bags packed and are planning on hitting the road whenever I give them the phone call that my wife is going into labor, and they also live in same town 1.5 hours away.

I sure hope he comes, but in the event that he doesn't I told my wife that I will let him know that I am not mad, but that I am disappointed in him and that this is one event that he will never get back.

Don't mean to ramble, just wanted to vent a little.

[bdchorn]

Why don't you tell him how you feel in advance

[hogslayer78]

Why don't you tell him how you feel in advance

This. Call him up and tell him how much he means to you and your family and that you really want him there.

[canny]

Why don't you tell him how you feel in advance

This just happened last night, I didn't bring it up on the phone as I wanted time to process how I would discuss it. Don't want to end up letting emotions get ahold and say something disrespectful or stupid.

[Charles]

How is your Dad and Moms relationship? They get along?

[AntlerCollector]

He may feel like there are enough people going and he doesn't want to be in the way. I have to say it's on you if you don't tell him that it would mean a lot to you for him to be there. Make that call and at least let him know that you want him there.

[justindfw]

Seems like you have thought about it. You can always explain to him now that he wouldnt be able to get this time back. Maybe it will put it into perspective for him now.

[canny]

How is your Dad and Moms relationship? They get along?

Yes, they get along

[bdchorn]

This just happened last night, I didn't bring it up on the phone as I wanted time to process how I would discuss it. Don't want to end up letting emotions get ahold and say something disrespectful or stupid.

I'd start with hogslayer approach. If all goes according to plan no need to worry about being disrespectful or stupid.

[Charles]

Yes, they get along

In that case, do like others have suggested and let him know you will disappointed if he doesn't make an effort to be there.

Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your daughter. Daughters rock

[canny]

A call will be made to let him know my thoughts, I just needed to vent a little as its been on my mind since last night.

[HoneyBee]

How is your Dad and Moms relationship? They get along?

That shouldn't matter... They're not there to discuss them, they should both be going for their son.


Tell your dad how much this means to you and how this is a moment in your life that you were hoping to share with him.
If he know how much him being there means to you and he doesn't show then you can be hurt/mad.

[FULL DRAW]

Family is great and the most important thing in life but just because someone is family doesn’t me that they are on the same page as you in life. He may be dealing with something right now that you aren’t aware of. I deal with the same thing you are and mine is only 8 miles from me. When my first and second child were born my family wasn’t there. My in-laws were there and super supportive within an hour of us calling that we were on the way to the hospital. I once stopped calling my mom and stopped going to visit to see how long it would be before she called to talk to her grandchildren or ask about them. It went from Christmas Eve all the way to my daughter’s birthday in March. And the only reason she knew is because my wife “did the right thing” and invited her. My mom and I were super close growing up. I called her out on it and told her I was disappointed in here and her response was that since I am the most well off out of her kids and married without baby mommas or baby daddies she doesn’t have to worry about them as much. She sees her other grandkids almost on a daily basis because my brother and sister are over there every day for various reasons from needing something and needing her to pick them up. I was ****** to no end at that dumb response. Because I work hard and have a nice home an two running vehicles and great in-laws (that are so involved in my children’s lives) my kids get the shaft from her? Lame. But what can you do? Forgive and move on. We can’t change our parents. They are older and se in their ways.
Good luck and try not to hold it against him. He will miss out and have to deal with that after the fact. Maybe your old man is like mine was. He would say one thing all tough and manly and then do another. I lost my dad in 07 and he never got to see my kids. I only say this to remind you to let that stuff go because it takes up too much room in your head and heart. Just enjoy the times he is around and enjoy the fact that your baby gets to know his/her grandpa. Congrats on your first born.

[canny]

Family is great and the most important thing in life but just because someone is family doesn’t me that they are on the same page as you in life. He may be dealing with something right now that you aren’t aware of. I deal with the same thing you are and mine is only 8 miles from me. When my first and second child were born my family wasn’t there. My in-laws were there and super supportive within an hour of us calling that we were on the way to the hospital. I once stopped calling my mom and stopped going to visit to see how long it would be before she called to talk to her grandchildren or ask about them. It went from Christmas Eve all the way to my daughter’s birthday in March. And the only reason she knew is because my wife “did the right thing” and invited her. My mom and I were super close growing up. I called her out on it and told her I was disappointed in here and her response was that since I am the most well off out of her kids and married without baby mommas or baby daddies she doesn’t have to worry about them as much. She sees her other grandkids almost on a daily basis because my brother and sister are over there every day for various reasons from needing something and needing her to pick them up. I was ****** to no end at that dumb response. Because I work hard and have a nice home an two running vehicles and great in-laws (that are so involved in my children’s lives) my kids get the shaft from her? Lame. But what can you do? Forgive and move on. We can’t change our parents. They are older and se in their ways.
Good luck and try not to hold it against him. He will miss out and have to deal with that after the fact. Maybe your old man is like mine was. He would say one thing all tough and manly and then do another. I lost my dad in 07 and he never got to see my kids. I only say this to remind you to let that stuff go because it takes up too much room in your head and heart. Just enjoy the times he is around and enjoy the fact that your baby gets to know his/her grandpa. Congrats on your first born.

I'm not mad at him and this does not change our relationship, but just disappointed. Even if they don't make it I won't hold it against him. I have seen what that can do within families and I won't do that.

[dgilbert]

This just happened last night, I didn't bring it up on the phone as I wanted time to process how I would discuss it. Don't want to end up letting emotions get ahold and say something disrespectful or stupid.

Good choice, I think everything will work out.