For those of you that complained that the Statesman did not print anything in honor of deadly Tedly . . . .
With Ted Nugent around, Perry can run for vice president — of the Bandidos
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Sunday, January 21, 2007
I'd like to thank to Gov. Rick "Adios, Mofo" Perry for attempting to inject a little entertainment into your usual boring Republican gubernatorial inaugural ball.
Trying to make one of these GOP soirees festive is like giving CPR to a dead man. You know the drill at these gatherings: female fossils in furs, accompanied by their wealthy hubbies, holding their martini glasses aloft with their pinky fingers sticking out.
Perry tried to breathe some life into your typically moribund Republican affair by inviting hunter and gatherer rock 'n' roller Ted Nugent to play toward the end of Perry's Tuesday black tie gala. This caused a stir because Nugent wore a T-shirt with an image of the Confederate flag and yelled something about people who can't speak English, according to some who attended.
Incidentally, Perry told The Associated Press that he's not interested in running for vice president, and I guess this proves it. Now that Perry has invited a guy in a Confederate shirt to play at his inaugural, who's he going to run with? David Duke?
You know, in an instance like this, it's too bad that Kinky Friedman didn't get elected governor of Texas. Not that Kinky would appear in a Confederate flag shirt on stage. That wouldn't happen.
But we all know the Kinkster could offend an audience at his own inaugural by performing some of his own material. This would have eliminated the outsourcing Perry had to resort to by hiring Nugent.
Besides, there are some other acts Perry could have hired that would have been less offensive than some worn-out, old, has-been rocker in a Confederate flag shirt, like a chugalug contest between Miss USA and the former Miss USA Nevada. Or how about dwarf tossing, or Wesson Oil wrestling?
So Perry settled on Nugent, who is known musically for his feedback. Which is ironic since Perry is now getting feedback from the NAACP.
Incidentally, Nugent is an old friend of Perry who loves guns and hunting. This means Perry could also run for vice president — of the National Rifle Association.
And how about that toxicology report from Texas A&M that claims those 63 dead birds on Congress Avenue that shut down the city died of natural causes? I'm not buying that. Think about this logically. This town is infested with 800 beezillion grackles, right? If just 1 percent of those birds flopped over dead from natural causes, our downtown parking lots would be littered with giant piles of dead grackles.
No, I think what happened is that Ted Nugent shot those 63 birds dead.
But whatever Perry's motive was in inviting Nugent, I don't think it did much to liven up his inaugural party.
According to one woman who was there, a bunch of old Republicans got up and left when Nugent played the Jimi Hendrix version of "The Star Spangled Banner."
"I don't think it was the song specifically," said the woman, who didn't want her name in print. "I think it was just so loud that they couldn't hear anything else."
So Perry should have gotten Guy Lombardo and left Ted Nugent back at the Home for Aging Rockers.
What can I tell you?
With Ted Nugent around, Perry can run for vice president — of the Bandidos
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Sunday, January 21, 2007
I'd like to thank to Gov. Rick "Adios, Mofo" Perry for attempting to inject a little entertainment into your usual boring Republican gubernatorial inaugural ball.
Trying to make one of these GOP soirees festive is like giving CPR to a dead man. You know the drill at these gatherings: female fossils in furs, accompanied by their wealthy hubbies, holding their martini glasses aloft with their pinky fingers sticking out.
Perry tried to breathe some life into your typically moribund Republican affair by inviting hunter and gatherer rock 'n' roller Ted Nugent to play toward the end of Perry's Tuesday black tie gala. This caused a stir because Nugent wore a T-shirt with an image of the Confederate flag and yelled something about people who can't speak English, according to some who attended.
Incidentally, Perry told The Associated Press that he's not interested in running for vice president, and I guess this proves it. Now that Perry has invited a guy in a Confederate shirt to play at his inaugural, who's he going to run with? David Duke?
You know, in an instance like this, it's too bad that Kinky Friedman didn't get elected governor of Texas. Not that Kinky would appear in a Confederate flag shirt on stage. That wouldn't happen.
But we all know the Kinkster could offend an audience at his own inaugural by performing some of his own material. This would have eliminated the outsourcing Perry had to resort to by hiring Nugent.
Besides, there are some other acts Perry could have hired that would have been less offensive than some worn-out, old, has-been rocker in a Confederate flag shirt, like a chugalug contest between Miss USA and the former Miss USA Nevada. Or how about dwarf tossing, or Wesson Oil wrestling?
So Perry settled on Nugent, who is known musically for his feedback. Which is ironic since Perry is now getting feedback from the NAACP.
Incidentally, Nugent is an old friend of Perry who loves guns and hunting. This means Perry could also run for vice president — of the National Rifle Association.
And how about that toxicology report from Texas A&M that claims those 63 dead birds on Congress Avenue that shut down the city died of natural causes? I'm not buying that. Think about this logically. This town is infested with 800 beezillion grackles, right? If just 1 percent of those birds flopped over dead from natural causes, our downtown parking lots would be littered with giant piles of dead grackles.
No, I think what happened is that Ted Nugent shot those 63 birds dead.
But whatever Perry's motive was in inviting Nugent, I don't think it did much to liven up his inaugural party.
According to one woman who was there, a bunch of old Republicans got up and left when Nugent played the Jimi Hendrix version of "The Star Spangled Banner."
"I don't think it was the song specifically," said the woman, who didn't want her name in print. "I think it was just so loud that they couldn't hear anything else."
So Perry should have gotten Guy Lombardo and left Ted Nugent back at the Home for Aging Rockers.
What can I tell you?
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