Need child discipline advice

[bige18675]

In need of some advice. Have a soon to be 11 year old step son that's acting out. He lying all the time & doesn't respect any adults. He grades are know failing. Grounding, pops & counseling aren't helping. His dad's only solution is for him to come live with him, which isn't the best environment for a kid. Any other ideas on how to get threw to him or a different form of punishment.

[Chad74]

whoop that arse. It was always a motivator for me to do right.

[DRettele]

What does he love to do? What does he cherish?
Withhold those things whether that be video games, computer, tv, smartphone, etc...
Remain calm yourself when explaining that until his behavior turns around and his grades return to normal that these items will be off limits.
Also, identify tasks or chores that are useful to you for him to perform until the behavior improves and grades return to normal (or forever ). Items like clearing the table after dinner, doing the dishes, taking out the trash, yard work with you, etc...

This has worked for us. It does require constant monitoring and following up with him/her which lets them know that you are paying attention and that you are requiring them to be responsible to do what needs to be done.

[Speedgoat]

TBH is not the place to find sound parenting advice, especially for a Stepchild. I know that I never had anything but disdain for my stepfather, while he was there. Tough situation. I pray that God reveals a solution.

[Bowhunter4l1fe]

I will tell you that there is no magic bullet. We have struggled with my oldest for a few years now and have good days and bad. I sure do wish I could tell you what makes the good times good.

I will keep you in our thoughts and prayers, as I know EXACTLY where you are right now.

[poisonivie]

I'm a fan of corporal punishment. That said, digging ditches worked pretty good on my kids. Get in trouble, I'm getting a new waterline laid somewhere. I had water faucets all over my place. Sometimes just dig a ditch and then move it over 3 feet.

[DRettele]

I'm a fan of corporal punishment. That said, digging ditches worked pretty good on my kids. Get in trouble, I'm getting a new waterline laid somewhere. I had water faucets all over my place. Sometimes just dig a ditch and then move it over 3 feet.

I've done this as well. Sometimes the real motivator to shape up is not having to do something that they really hate. In my case picking up rocks and moving them to a new pile or area.

[JayB]

A lot goes on in a young man that is reaching puberty. How is the relationship between Mom and Dad? How is the relationship between Mom and Husband? Do all agree on the kid getting the best he can from life (not all the things he wants but, what will make him a great member of society)? Do all parties stand together on his discipline? How his grades in school are important? How he treats his mother with respect?

The problem is never the problem. He is acting out because he is getting fed somewhere. If Dad has disdain for Mom and Husband, the kid acts out. If Mom and Husband talk bad about Dad, disdain. If Mom and Husband do not have a strong relationship that nurtures a culture of love and compassion, disdain.

See, a lot is going on. IS school really a struggle or is he just distracted by a bad (perceived on his part) home life?

Sometimes, school is tough for a boy. Not that he is not able to do it, but just a tough structure. Sometimes, its friends.

I have raised 7 kids. 2 of them step. My 2 kids are my wife's step kids. We have 3 together..so I have some experience. Believe it or not, our toughest is the last one...that we are his parents. But, at 16, we are finally making a little progress. Found an alternate school that will start for him in January and allow him to finish with a GED. School structure is very hard on him, but he is one of the smartest kids I have ever met.

Don't give up. It aint easy. Never quit. Always reaffirm your love for him, his mother, and YES, his Dad. Then, do it some more.

[akstigo01]

Corporal punishment sounds great and it absolutely will work for most kids. However there are those that it will not phase. What is your response when you tell him to did ditches or move rocks and he says no? Do you just go back to a belt or whatever's handy even though that didn't work the first time? What I have noticed with some kids is they just need to fail to learn the lesson. If his grades are failing, as hard as it may be, let him fail. When he repeats 5th or 6th grade next year he may have a different attitude. I would also suggest trying to keep him away from other bad influences.

[Texas Tracker]

when I a young **** my dad would woop our *** or it was the cleaning. Clean your room clean the car the floors all the bikes. Pull everything out of the garage clean the walls the floors and then clean everything before you put it back in. Get on the roof clean the gutters. Clean the dog crap in the yard. Boy did I learn how to keep things clean.

[BrandonA]

What kind of kids is he hanging out with?

[Ætheling]

How is he being "popped"? Take off your belt and give it to him till he is screaming for mercy.

[BigWes]

He's becoming a teen and testing the boundaries. In every teenager, there are 2 people - a grown up and a child. He wants to be treated like the adult he's trying to become. Explain this to him and let him know that you'll treat him the age he is acting - act like a child by being unruly and rebellious and you'll treat him as such - act like an adult who is man enough to be respectful to both his peers and authority and tell the truth even if it costs him something, then you'll return the respect by treating him like a more mature person.

Depending on his relationship with you, this may be best coming from his mom and backed up by you.

Good luck, it's a tough position you're in.

[Hunter_Man]

my relationship with my stepdaughter is ruined. probably won't ever get it back all over discipline issues. whatever it is, mom has to be on board... my problem was my wife did not discipline.. her late husband did all that. if mom won't lay the law, nothing will work and your step son will only grow to hate you.

[.270]

Just thinking outside the box, usually when my girl gets to acting up, it has to do with drama at school. She bottles it up in school not to get in trouble then unleashes it at home, where she feels safe. We do the same thing as adults, get mad at work, keep it civil then get home and inadvertently take it out on someone at home. Just a thought. Keep praying for her and guidance.