Son thinks we're poor-need advice

[Silvey]

He's 12, who gives a shiat what he thinks. Sounds like a ploy to get more outta you or mom. Snatch tha chain.

[Uncle Saggy]

Take him and show him what poor is...

You ever been poor?

Not asked as mean.......asked as poor

[rileydog]

Mission trip to Haiti.

[justletmein]

It's what 12 year olds do. B**ch, p*ss, and moan about what other kids have that they don't. Mine tell me at least once a week about something that one of their friends got that they wish they could have. I just tell them that I don't give a sh*t what their friends got and neither should they because they're probably not getting one. You're 12 year old goes to bed every night with a full belly and a roof over their head. I wouldn't worry about it too much. They'll grow out of that way of thinking just like every other kid does.

I'd say this is spot on^. Kids these days say stuff like that not really meaning to convey that they're poor but kinda complaining that they don't have the latest gadget that little Johnny at school has. Typically the rest of the kids don't have that gadget either. I've heard it more than a few times from mine, my answer is "Well, does Johnny go camping? No? Does Johnny's dad have a boat to take him fishing? Oh Johnny doesn't have a dad... Does Johnny go hunting? Does Johnny get to ride 4 wheelers, etc... I told them I'll sell the boat and use the money to buy whatever gadget they were complaining about at the time... they passed on that deal.

[keep]

I have two scenarios that have unfolded in my house. I have a 10 yr old that is asking if we are poor and a 17 yr old that did too but now understands where we are financially.

Here is how we got there with her: Around the same age as your son she would make comments when she was younger or you might see embarrassment in her face so i would always ask her "why do we need the luxury car? Who is that for? Us or for someone to think better of us?". I told her I have only one friend I will discuss this stuff with because I trust him like a brother, outside of him no one needs to know
I would then explain if people would only want to be friends with us because of what we drive, how we dress or where our house is located, I don't want them as a friend because once/ if that stuff is ever gone so are they. She was still young and kind of understood but I sensed she still thought I was blowing smoke.

Right before she started driving we were presented with great timing for a lesson. I would ask her what car she wanted and she would say "I want ______, but I'd be happy with what ever we could afford". One day when it was just her and I, we had another speech about no one needs to know about your money situation they need to know what kind of person you are so, I decided to open up the family finances and start to go through it with her. That is when what I had been telling her all those years finally validated and she Got IT. I feel this gave her a road map on how to act and how to control her future finances and let's her start to formulate a plan for her life.
Her whole attitude has changed completely and she has taken on the stance we have had all these years and that's a pleasure to see. We will walk my son down the same path and hopefully it works with him too.
The difficult part has been not just telling my kid when they are too young "here's where we are" just to stop them asking/ worrying but I know the only reason I would do that would be out of my pride or so they could go brag to their friends so we resist till they are ready.

Two verses really stick with me on this subject:
Jeremiah 9:23-24 (ESV)

23 Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, 24 but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.”

Proverbs 11:2 (ESV)

2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with the humble is wisdom.

[Fishndude]

Tell him you're not poor. The end!

[Smart]

Tell him you're not poor. The end!

This^^^

[Smart]

He's 12, who gives a shiat what he thinks. Sounds like a ploy to get more outta you or mom. Snatch tha chain.

And this^^

[DaveS903]

Tell him to get a job because he is going to start paying rent. All that extra moolah will mean you won't be poor.

[JonW]

Just asking since I have young kids-is it the norm to buy them a vehicle these days (even an "older" one)?

I wasn't poor, but I walked or rode my bike to school until I worked long enough to save enough money to buy a car. This seemed reasonable to me back then, and even more common.

[keep]

Just asking since I have young kids-is it the norm to buy them a vehicle these days (even an "older" one)?

I wasn't poor, but I walked or rode my bike to school until I worked long enough to save enough money to buy a car. This seemed reasonable to me back then, and even more common.

My thought on this has been my kids have a job, get straight A's or very very close to it. I know everyone says "Straight A's?" Well yes, they can do it. Remember we consider it their job and with a job they are expected to perform at a certain level. If during your normal work hours your performance isn't meeting expectations then put in overtime. (homework and studying)

I feel if my wife and I sacrifice and pay for the car they should be obligated to make good grades.
It's almost a quid pro quo. By doing that I feel the grades will help them more towards college/ life than them learning to pay for a $1500 car.

[Tomkat70]

Take it all away and see how he likes that or make him earn everything through hard work. Put him on the Dave Ramsey plan for kids!!!!!!!!!!

[WCB]

Tell him he's poor, not you and the misses...

[hooligan]

having him spend some time volunteering in a poor neighborhood (church, food bank, etc) he’ll see what poor is. I grew up poor but we always had something to eat and a roof so I had no idea till I was older. I still love bologna sammiches and eating rice and beans

12 is old enough to get a little prospective

[RR 314]

Some great comments above. My experience was similar to Curt's. Just remember, your son's brain is not fully developed at 12. Neither are those of his friends! I remember being embarrassed going to the hardware stores on the weekend with my dad in a sweaty tee shirt and ratty shorts. I never told him this. My son (8) recently told me he had similar feelings. All I could do was smile. I have become my dad and that is a great thing! I basically told my son that only people you care about have opinions you care about. If people think we are poor because I wear sweaty clothes and sport a mixture of sawdust, dirt and steel filings to Home Depot or because I don't care to get the hail damage on my truck fixed, so be it.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with your son asking the question. It is all about how you reply. I specifically recall being a snotty little kid and didn't want to go into the mall intrance at Sears because I didn't think it would be cool if one of my friends saw me in Sears (my brain was not fully developed then either). My parents looked at each other and shook their heads. My dad, with full smirk, stated, "boy, if someone sees you in Sears they are as big of a dork as you and your family are because they are in Sears as well. Get out of the car." I have fielded similar questions about wealth from my kids and we explain that some people have a lot more than we do and some people have a lot less.