Any old married guys wanna chime in ?

[jerp]

Our 29th anniversary is next month. Know that arguments are inevitable. How you handle them can have a long term impact on your relationship. When things get heated both parties must suppress the urge to throw out personal "zingers". You know your spouse better than anyone - their insecurities and things they don't like about themselves, so you know exactly where to stick the knife. Don't do it! In the heat of the moment it is easy to say something you can never take back. Also, there is great power in coming back after a disagreement and saying "I've thought about it, you were right and I was wrong"
Your household division of labor will evolve over time. There may be some simple chore that your wife just does not like to do for some reason. You may not like it either but if you suck it up and put that task on your side of the ledger it scores many points

[DRettele]

Congratulations!
Seen this somewhere a long time ago and it rings true for us... "Marriage is like a garden, it takes a little work everyday."

[J Wales]

COMMUNICATE. Do not assume that she knows what you expect and need in the marriage...you have to tell her. And do not assume that you know what she needs...you need to ask her.

[Landrover]

Have your OWN hobbies/outlets/time....also......keep life as a whole fun & positive and it will filter into your household and future kids!

[TXBowhunter11]

Haven't been married long, but have found out never go to bed mad. Stay up and work it out and go to bed in love!

This is what I was going to say. And send random flowers, not just on birthdays and anniversaries

[Chuey]

married 19 God first family second and she's always right

[Phillip Fields]

Some good advice above. One thing I will add. It is important that you share most activities/interests, but each of you should have some interests that are your own.
It will be 47 years for us in January.

[Philip-TX]

Successful marriage isn't a 50%/50% arrangement
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it is 200%
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Both husband and wife must give 100%

[systemnt]

"whatever" should not be in your vocabulary.
If you think you know what she wants, you're wrong.
If you think she knows what you want, you're wrong - she doesn't care what you want..only what you need to be doing to give her what she wants.

Don't lie. They don't forget. They store. They Store and use at a later date.
If you ever think you've won an argument, you're stupid.

Budgets are for you.

Do NOT keep score.
If you feel you MUST keep score, NEVER bring it up.

Do Not... donotdonotdonotdonot drink the last of the capt morgans.

[Texas Tracker]

You have to work every day to make it work. When you live everyday with someone they know you better then you know yourself. Your soul belongs to God your heart belongs to to your wife. Kiss her everyday before you leave it might be the last time. Only God knows

[barnett77859]

dont sweat the little things

[big_smith]

The love language mentioned above saved my marriage. We actually watched the video series at about 7 years of marriage. We were having some major issues. The first video was an Ah Hah moment. My marriage is now far from perfect, but we have made it 22years and get along much better now than ever.

[cwd500]

Let her know that you love her with out having to say I love you


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[jerp]

Get on the right track early with finances. The "one person handles everything" model is a recipe for conflict and stress. For the first 20 years of our marriage we had budget meetings twice each month - neither of us liked to do it but we forced ourselves. We would sit down and go over bills, upcoming expenses and savings. It is likely that you have different spending habits and attitudes about money in general, but you have to work on it until you get on the same page.

[Shane]

1. Always keep your individual relationship with the Lord as your top priority. Never set that aside. Stay close to Him every day, and let Him guide you in all that you do, including your marriage.

2. Do the work required to have a happy marriage. It's not a fairy tale. It's real life, and it takes work. Read books and take classes on effective communication between spouses, on Christian marriage, on raising children, etc.... Never let yourself feel like you've arrived. Always look for ways to continually develop the life skills it takes to live with another person. Never stop trying to learn what makes your spouse tick, what makes him/her feel alive, what tears him/her down. Learn to show your spouse love in a way that means something to him/her, not necessarily in the way that YOU prefer to be loved. You're different people. Also, you will both change in some ways over time. Never tire in your efforts to learn how to love each other.

3. Don't keep score. EVER. Focus on your end of the relationship. Ephesians 5 has some great advice on this. If both spouses treat marriage as an extension of their commitment to serve the Lord, then they will both be taken care of by the other spouse. They won't have to demand that their spouse treat them well, they will both be doing that already. You can't try to make another person do what you want and expect to have a loving and happy marriage. But you can control how you uphold your end of the relationship. If both of you are doing that, it works great.

4. Don't fight. Discuss. Don't try to discuss when you're in the heat of anger - even if that means you need to go to bed angry. Wait until you can talk about problems without saying things you'll regret later. Don't feel like you have to have it out right now. But don't wait long and let things fester. Deal with it soon. If you need to sleep on it first, fine. Pray during that time, and ask God to help you and your spouse work out your differences. Ask Him to show you what YOU need to do and say. Don't focus on what your spouse needs to do, etc.... And then come together and talk about it the next day, if you need to sleep on it first. Don't let it fester any longer than that. Apologize sincerely and immediately when you are wrong or when you hurt your spouse (even if you're not technically wrong). Don't let pride come between you and your spouse.

5. Always be open and honest with each other about everything. No secrets of any kind - especially regarding other people of the opposite sex and with finances. The devil will use secrets to tear you apart, if you try to keep secrets from each other. They will eventually come out, and it will destroy trust. Don't keep secrets.

6. Find a mentor couple or two - an couple who has been married for at least 15-20 years (or more). Develop relationships with people who are where you'd like to be someday in their Christian walk and in their marriage. Learn from them. You won't be them, and you won't do everything the same way they do things. But you will learn from them, and you will get encouragement from them. You'll hear stories about how they made it through some of life's hardest times together. I don't know who those couples will be for you, but whoever they are and if they've been married for at least 15-20 years, they HAVE been through some difficult situations that could have torn them apart. But they got through the hard times. Soak up everything you can from those people.

7. Never stop dating, flirting, and courting your spouse. Your relationship will grow and evolve over time, but always find ways to keep the spark alive.


And, most importantly..... This one needs to come first, before you get to everything else mentioned on this thread. If the person you're thinking of marrying isn't already 100% committed to all of this stuff, don't get married. Marriage is not some magic event that turns a person into someone else. Don't marry a person that isn't already the kind of person you want to be married to. Breaking up with someone you're in a serious relationship with sucks, but it sucks WAY less than divorce.