So, Helen Keller walked into a bar...
Then a bench...
Then a table
Then a bench...
Then a table
-
-
Wanna hear a joke?
Women's rights
Comment
-
ObamaComment
-
Man I'm loving these. Knew a few of but still like em.Comment
-
-
Why was the little ink spot crying? 'Cause his dad was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence was.Comment
-
Funny stuff!Comment
-
Patron to waiter: Do you have any wild duck?
Waiter to patron: No sir, but I have a tame one I can irritate for you!Comment
-
One of my all time favorites. A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, I am sorry, we have cherries and olives but no grapes." "Oh," says the duck and leaves. Ten minutes later the duck returns and asks the same bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" "Like I said before, we have cherries and olives, but WE DON'T HAVE GRAPES!" says the bartender. "Oh," says the duck and leaves. But ten minutes later the duck returns and again asks, "Do you have any grapes?" "Look, beak lips," screams the bartender. "WE HAVE NO GRAPES!, we will never have NO grapes! and if you ask me again, I am going to nail your webby little feet to the floor!!!" "Oh," says the duck and leaves. Ten minutes later, the door swings open and the duck returns. The bartender is furious. He slams a bottle of beer down on the bar, stares menacingly at the duck and screams, "WHAT???!!" "Uh...uh...do ...you ...have...any....NAILS?" "Nails? Nails? No, we don't have nails," answers the bartender. "Mmmm," says the duck. "So, do you have any grapes?"Comment
-
Another favorite.
A man was driving around the back woods of Montana, and saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale.”He knocked on the door; and the owner appeared, telling him the dog is in the backyard.
The man walked into the backyard, and saw a nice-looking Labrador retriever sitting there. “You talk?” he asked.
“Yep,” the Lab replied.
After the man recovered from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he said “So, what’s your story?”
The Lab looked up and said, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.”
“I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
I got married, had a mess of puppies; and now I’m just retired.”
The man was amazed. He returned to the owner, and asked what he wanted for the dog.
“Ten dollars,” the owner replied.
“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a big fat liar. He’s never been out of the yard!”Comment
-
A wife said to her husband that she wanted a breast enlargement.
The husband said " you should try rubbing toilet paper between them every day".
The wife said "do you think that will work?"
The husband says "I don't see why not, it worked on your arse"Comment
-
.Attached FilesComment
-
-
Classic dirty joke, maybe be too dirty for this thread, but we cant remove it if needed.
A clean white horse fell into a mud puddle.Comment
-
I'll counter that with a clean joke....Originally posted by Je3749 View Post
That same white horse got up and went and took a bath with bubbles....
And an even dirtier...
"Bubbles" was the horse next door...Comment
-
Is it easier to lift an elephant with one finger or with five?
Neither, elephants don't have fingers!Comment
Comment