How's it sound???? PLEASE READ!!!

[txbowkill]

im a 13 year old kid. my dad brought me this paper the other day. Its a cowelk blackpowder hunt in new mexico through tyhp. You have to write an essay and they pick the winning one for the hunt.

the topic is:::: hunting and how it has affected you your family or frineds




heres what i got so far
tell how it is and any suggestions appreciated








Hunting is my life. I love to hunt, I could spend hours in a tree or in a blind without seeing anything and still be satisfied. Hunting has affected mainly everyone I know but mostly it has affected me.
I really don’t know what I would do if it weren’t for hunting. What would I do in my free time if I couldn’t shoot my bow or practice for rifle season? Being out in the woods gives me a place to get away from everything bad in the world and relax and enjoy myself. Taking an animal is only half of the hunt, its great to be able to spend time in the woods with family and friends enjoying the outdoors.
Hunting has also affected my friends I have. Almost all of my friends I have are into hunting. It’s great to hangout with those friends and hunt together.
My family has always supported me and my love for hunting. I would barely be able to hunt if it weren’t for my mom and dad.

[jerp]

That's a real good start, young man. My suggestion would try and be more descriptive about why you like spending time in the woods. Talk about watching the sunrise/sunset, talk about seeing all kinds of animals and birds going about their business in the wild. Be specific with examples - paint a picture with words. The key to good writing is how it makes the reader FEEL.
Good luck!

[trailboss]

Great start. Try and paint a picture with your words. Make the reader be able to see what you see. Keep tweaking it - you'll get there. Good luck.

Trailboss

[jerp]

Speaking of Trailboss - read some of the stories he's posted on here. He knows how to make a story come alive...

[W-L-F]

gotta paint that picture with words

[Fishndude]

Describe a recent hunt. Watch your grammar. Try not to be repetitive.

[Bad Habit]

good luck

[BJOHN]

What Jerp said. Read some of TB'S stories that will give you a real good taste for what it needs to sound like.

bjohn

[sailor]

Try to speak of the things hunting has taught you, such as discipline,patients,self control,self reliance. How to read a map, start a fire,first aid. identify birds,snakes, edible plants. Ya know, make'em wanna go with you. Dazzle'em with what you've learned while just sitting in your favorite spot,watching nature take it's course! Maybe give'em a list of what you carry in the woods, and why you carry them. Hope this helps some. Good luck.

[Knight in Mossy Oak]

I agree with everything everyone has mentioned above. You have to "captivate your audience". Your audience may be other boys or girls or men and women. You need them to be able to close their eyes and visualize everything you are writing...basically putting themselves in your life.

I think you will do well and we wish you the best of luck.
Be sure to let us know what the outcome is and you might even post your final version of the essay for all of us to enjoy.

Good Luck!

[txbowkill]

I think you will do well and we wish you the best of luck.
Be sure to let us know what the outcome is and you might even post your final version of the essay for all of us to enjoy.
Good Luck!

thank everyone i will post a final version when done

[Tuffbroadhead]

Great start...

[Jen-Man]

Great start, maybe include how it has impacted your relationship with your dad or whoever else shares your time hunting. Good Luck and keep us posted.