Funny Stuff That Has Happened to You

[Johnny]

Just this morning while on my way to work....

I was cruising down 336 out of Conroe when my cell # rang. I don't like to talk while I'm driving but I saw that it was a customer of mine. We get to talking and then I see a police car fixing to pull out onto the road I was driving on. I looked down to make sure I'm not over doing it with the pedal, then look up to see I'm fixing to go through a yellow light!! I start to gas it but then I realize that I will be speeding and the police officer is right behind me! My split second reaction has me slamming on my brakes as hard as I can. All I hear are my tires squealing and the smell of rubber in the air. I came to a complete stop right at the line and I couldn't see nothing but smoke in the air. I hang up on my customer at this point as the police officer pulls up beside me. Obviously he's looking at me and all I could do was shrug, grin and put up my hands and he returned the gesture.lol

I roll my window down and say, "Well, at least I came to a complete stop", and he says, "Yea, you definately did that". We both let out a smile and he continued on his way.


Anyone else have any stories?

[Chew]

Yeah..one time when I worked for Conroe PD this idiot was driving too fast and talking on the phone. He came up to a yellow light and locked up the brakes for no reason.........

[cosmiccowboy]

I slowed fast for a yellow/red light change a couple of years ago (didn't skid, but the ABS was activated). The car behind me impaled itself on my trailer hitch/bumper smashing his bumper, hood, and radiator...He obviously thought I was going to run the light and he was speeding up to run it behind me.

I got out and walked back to look at the damage and the other driver got out too...It was a Bexar County Sheriff in uniform going to work...LOL

My truck wasn't hurt and I asked him if he wanted me to call the police with my cell...he told me not to worry about it since my truck wasn't hurt and he didn't want a police report on the incident...

[Dale Moser]

About 10 years ago I was pulling our old travel trailer (belogs to Farmdog now) home from the deer lease, so we could take it to the lake. I was rollin a Yota at the time so I had borrowed dad's pickup to drag the trailer with, dad's pickup being a '94 Z71 with a weak 350 and 3.42:1 gears, and big tires......this thing wouldn't pull a greased string out a cat's ***.

Anywho, I'm rollin down 16 south of Graham, buckin at least a 30 mph head wind, I'm talkin about an early spring gale force situation blowing right into the windshield......with the 25" trailer in tow. So we get to the part of 16 (at Doc's liquor store) where you go down a looooong hill to a bridge over a good sized creek, then back up a reeeeeeal looooooong hill. Well we start down this hill and I put'er on the mat.........doin probably close to 95 when we hit the bottom of the hill........and passed the highway patrol coming the other way.......not good! Well I see him slow to turn around in the mirror and I never let the throttle off the floor! I figure if he's gonna write me a ticket he's gonna have to wait till we get up this hill to do it.

By the time we got to the top of that **** hill, he'd turned around and was comin on fast, I still had'er flat footed, the truck was in 2nd gear turnin about 3500 on the tach, flowmasters mufflers were roarin, and we were doin about 49 miles per hour........and dropping. When that state trooper went by me it was all he could do to wave.....he was laughing so hard!

[cj7zrcool]

I wasn't quite as lucky as you two, 68 in a 55 on the way to work. I was only 200 yards from where the speed limit changes from 55 to 70. I'm not complaining, and I was definatly guilty, but ****...I hate gettin' caught.

[Danw]

Yeah..one time when I worked for Conroe PD this idiot was driving too fast and talking on the phone. He came up to a yellow light and locked up the brakes for no reason.........

I just spit coke on my keyboard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tx10pt]

Yeah..one time when I worked for Conroe PD this idiot was driving too fast and talking on the phone. He came up to a yellow light and locked up the brakes for no reason.........

Only Chew could say that...

[trophy8]

haha i needed a good laugh guys.

this is funny to me, kind of. some of you know the pain.

i was real little and hunting with my dad and brother. i was gonna shoot a doe with my dads savage model 99 308. i put it up in the window and got the doe in the crosshairs. i shoot and smack! BLOOD EVERYWHERE! from me! i hit my self in the nose with the scope at the kick. i was bleeding from a huge cut, my mouth and my nose! the whole inside of the blind was splattered and so was my little brother! my dad didnt know what happened till i stepped out of the blind and he about passed out. haha i didnt even know why i was where i was. it knocked my in the head pretty hard.

almost had the same thing happen with my model 70 270wsm when i was 16! and it will never happen again. ill miss a dang deer before i go through that much pain and blood again

and every once in awhile someone will ask me what the scar is from between my eyes.
i think im gonna start telling them it was from when i kicked the crap out chuck norris! they might beleive it! haha

[HC Sniper]

Several years ago, my son shot a huge hog. I gutted it and somehow got it in the back of the truck. Problem was we had no water at all to wash up with. It is only a short drive home, so off we go. We get off of the interstate outside Abilene and I run a stop sign I never knew was there. Unfortunately, there is a cop parked right there at the turn. He cuts his light on and I immediately pull over. He comes to the window and ask for license and insurance. Remember I am covered in blood from my elbows down. I thought he was going to have a coronary. He got pretty excited thinking I was bad hurt. After I told him what was going on and he looked in the back and saw that hog stretched from one side of the truck to the other, things settled down. My son went from scared to death to laughing his head off. Only got a warning. Only warning I have ever received.

[Swat791]

Long Read, but I still laugh when I think about it...

Oh man!
I was working the streets, since we were short handed a few summers ago.
I got a call of a snake in the yard at on "Knuckle Head St."

I arrived and asked "Did you all about a snake?"
The neighbors, responded at the same time sounding like a choir on Sunday...
"Yes..."
One neighbor, obviously the spoke person for the group said, "We trapped it for you."
My first words were "What the hell did you do that for?" "I don't like snakes and I don't want the **** thing!"
All 7 people look at me like I just accidentally discharged my service pistol.

I told her, "Just let it go...it won't stay here."
"We can't do that it is big and there are kids in the neighborhood.” she replied.
"Okay, I can shoot it for you.” I told her. To which she relied, "Oh we don't want you to kill it we just want you to relocate it."

Now I'm cussing under my breath! You! @#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@! That really translated into "Okay, get me a rake and a bag."

I took the rake and was standing over the bucket this little snake was supposed to be under.

The next thing I hear, "You’re not going to kill it right?"

Now, I'm not only ****** but also shaking like a dog ****ting a peach seed. I hate snakes and I did NOT want to be doing this.
I had someone tip the bucket towards me, I reached over to pin the snake to the ground.

"Holy ****!, This ******* is big!" I yelled. Now it is a matter of survival. It's the snake or me. I jab the rake and hit half body. Now I can really see how big he is...5' or more. No it was not like looking down the barrel of a .22 and saying it was a .45. This ******* was big and striking the rake, since he now was ****** off! The only good thing was the snake didn’t have any rattles on it. If he had I would just shot it!

The person holding the bucket dropped it and ran off. I kicked the bucket out of the way and got the rake close to its head. Don’t think I wasn’t trying to kill this son of a ***** now. I was mashing his head as hard as I could and doing all I could to press his eyeballs out of his head!
He ain’t dying…****! I’m going to have to pick him up. Okay, I’ve seen Steve Irwin pick up a snake by the back of the head, saying they can’t bite you.
I’m “quacking” in my boots now. I would rather have 100 spiders crawl all over me vs. jacking with a 5’ snake.
I build enough courage and ease down and over the snake. I start reaching towards its head. Man, my arm wants to retract like 30’ tape measure!
“Okay, mate!” “GO!” I got it and I have a death grip. I would be charged with murder if this were a person’s neck, cause I was squeezing the **** out of him.
I yelled out, “Where is the bag?” The spokesperson comes up with a black plastic trash bag.
I look at her and said, “I need a large paper sack to put him in, unless you want him to die.” “Oh, yeah, I guess it would suffocate” she said.
She runs off to her house and one of these Knuckle Heads comes up to me and says, “Since you have him can you hold him up so we can get a picture of you and the snake?”

You have got to be ****ting me! But being the fine public servant I am I said, with a smile on my face, “Sure and I would really want you to stand next to the snake and let someone else take the picture.” That was a “NO” and the picture was taken.

The bag arrives, the snake is placed in the bag and the bag is placed in my patrol car. The top was well sealed and the AC was blasting on HI. I figured the cold air would do both of us some good.

I was planning on “relocating” the snake somewhere around the corner. I ended up getting a call of a wreck, so I had to hall the snake with me.

Once I got to the wreck another officer got there before me and said he would handle it.
I hung around to help out, since it was blocking a lane of traffic. Of course he asked me about the snake and I told him it was in the car.

Shortly after getting the cars out of the roadway a Trooper pulls up. This dude was 6’1”, pressed uniform and looked like he was a rookie. I decided I was going to jack with the Trooper.
He came up to me and asked if I needed any help. At first I said, “No, we are almost finished now that the lane is open, we should be fine.” I told the other officer, “Hey, I’m going to *&^% with the Trooper.” “Just watch!”

He turns to walk off and now I have my opportunity! “Hey, Trooper!” “Can you tell help me identify something for me?” With a serious tone, “Sure.” We walked over to my car.

The passenger window was down, so I just reached in and grabbed the bag. I unrolled the top of the bag and said, “I’m not sure what it is; hopefully you can help me out.”
I opened the bag and he jabbed his face about 8” from the opening.
His eyes got as big as a silver dollar, screamed like a B---- and jumped back.

He was ******! He walked towards his patrol car, got in and left! He didn’t even say bye!

Me and the other officer couldn’t stop laughing.

The snake was a big rat snake and was later released after showing him off.

[jyoung]

LOL... That is hillarious Donnie!!!!

[Jaspro]

When i was 10 i was helping my dad build some fence. He had the corner post hole dug and told me to get in it and see how deep it was. I baled off in it. I was then stuck. My dad and neighbor both tried pulling me out and couldn't. Wound up using a truck and chain. My mom has pics to prove it too.

And then at our Prom my senior year that was some of the pics my mom turned in for the slideshow.

[TX_Kevin]

It's hard to follow swat on that one.

My son and I are heading to the ranch for a weekend of hunting. When we get to Uvalde, we are to meet my friend Steve to pick up some materials for repairing blinds and feeders. Steve and I tag up via cell phone, we meet at the Tractor Supply, buy a bunch of stuff, and leave. In the parking lot Steve's tells my son and I that Trent, Steve's oldest son was already at the ranch, and that he had to make one more stop. He told us to go on to the ranch and wait for him.

My son had just gotten his learners permit and is learning to drive. Once we get past Uvalde I pull over and let him drive. My son's getting pretty comfortable driving and I am nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers. Everything's going well, and we get to the turn off. I can see my son Matt becoming more and more confident in his driving skills, and the speed begins to increase a little. I think to myself "what the heck, we are on the back roads of way the heck out in south west Texas, who's going to know". About that time on this long, straight, narrow road I see a whole pile of buzzards in the middle of the road.

I start telling my son to slow down, and he does a little. Now I am yelling at him to slow down, and finally I yelled - "Like 20 mph Matt, when they're on the road feasting, they get heavy and they can't take off". He slams on the breaks and all ten of the buzzards barely get out of the way.

We don't think any more about it and continue on to the ranch to wait for Steve. Trent's there watching TV when we get there so we visit briefly. We have about an hour or so to work on some blinds before we need to go and get in one, so we are starting to get a little impatient with Steve. Where is he?

About that time we hear Steve drive up, so we all get up to go outside to meet him. Suddenly my son is rolling and laughing his head off. I walk outside and there's Steve with the whole windshield of his truck just totally caved in, feathers everywhere, and Steve's got some small cuts on his face.

We didn't have to ask what happened. Steve doesn't slow down for anyone.