Dads of young kids

[30-30]

Fatherhood is certainly an adventure. As an only child myself, it fascinates me to see how different my 4 and 6 year-old boys are. I’m learning on-the-fly how this brother dynamic works. My 4-year-old is a stay indoors watching movies by himself kind of kid while my 6-year old is a clear extrovert who wants to be in the middle of everything I do. I love that about him, and it’s exhausting. I try very hard to spend equal one-on-one time with both, but it’s a struggle sometimes just because of their differing personalities and my older boy often ends up monopolizing the attention. Do any other dads struggle with that? Is it a first born thing? Is my 4-YO just waiting to “grow into” his feral first grade self?

Will leave it at that for now. May add more later. I love that the TBH community is such a wide network of like-minded dads (and moms)!

[Txarrowhunter]

My second son is that way prefers to stay with his mom while my oldest and I go hunting or fishing. Especially if he gets to watch tv. I’m hopeful that he’ll snap out of it. But I believe his personality and character may already be solidified at his age and come to terms that they are two very different boys whom enjoy different activities.

[curtintex]

I'll preface this by saying that I only had daughters and yes they are all different...I realized this much later than I should have. I think I raised my girls just as I would have a son, but my wife would disagree and we've often said we're glad we never had a son because as tough as I was on girls, I'd have probably been tougher on a son. But like a well-trained bird dog, the proof is in the hunt, and I raised four ****** girls who are flourishing in life and are awesome people. So....I don't mind giving a little parenting advice when asked, and you asked.

But I have seen, in my own family, with nephews and grandsons, what you're talking about. I think in a lot of cases, the oldest is an alpha, and alphas tend to gravitate to Dad. Another thing about the 2nd born (or third, or fourth), is if Mama thinks it might be her last, she'll coddle and protect and baby that kid more than another, even inadvertently. I've seen this firsthand. My daughter is tough on her girls, age 8 and 6, and way too soft on her son who is 4. Same with both my sister and my sister-on-law. My brother-in-law had the best tactic that I've seen work with a soft kid and coddling wife. He told my sister-in-law, "you can baby him and coddle him and wipe his tears...until he's 7. When he turns seven, I'm taking over and he's gonna learn to act like a man." That worked perfectly with my nephew and he's a great, 15 year old deer slayer, chasing jiu-jitsu belts and thriving.

I'd also add, that a 4 year old doesn't get to decide what he/she does. If you want him to come with you, it shouldn't matter that he prefers TV at home with Mom. Doing things they don't want to do builds character and "because I said so" is actually a great answer as a Dad. He'll appreciate that time with you for the rest of his life. My girls all talk about things I made them do, that they didn't want to, that they're so glad they had to. One thing I know, is that nobody gets it right all the time, but doing your best isn't enough...you've gotta do what's best for them. It's hard to think about doing what's best for a 24 year old man when he's still a 4 year old kid, but that's where it starts.

I'll also say, there ain't a dang thing wrong with staying home and watching movies. Pick a few of your favorites as a kid and watch them with him. When my grandsons want to watch TV at my house, we do Sandlot, Goonies, Dukes of Hazzard, etc.

Welcome to parenthood and I'm sure you're doing great. Should have told you that babies are the easy part and it's a lot easy to wipe a baby's *** than a 14 year old girls tears....ask me how I know.

[Hunteraudit]

I have girls, 3 & 5. The 3 year old wants to do everything the 5 year old does and the 5 year old wants to do everything her parents do. They will consume 100% of our time, if we let them. The challenge for us is getting them to do things independently, without needing their parents to be playing with them.

Regarding your 4 year old, I believe Curt was spot on. You have to make the choice for him at that age. Giving them exposure to things they may not think they like broadens their minds. I make my kids try everything we eat, within reason. They typically are whining when being told to try it and it’s 50/50 on whether or not they’ll ask for more.

[Txtourist]

I have three boys. Oldest, now 14, has been gonzo for whatever I’ve been up to since day one. Middle son has been into staying in and reading or playing with his imagination until recently and now he’s pretty excited to go hunting and whatnot. He’s really surprised me in the last year at 10, getting really into poking at gut piles and admiring the “ears” on pheasants, putting in time and getting to pull the trigger.
Youngest, 7, was into hunting and dad stuff until he realized this past year, he can sneak into his brother’s rooms and play with their stuff, or command the tv when he’s alone. If the tv and phone are off limits, he’s much more likely to come along without much fuss.
My situation was that I had to change my approach coming from being too serious to the point it wasn’t fun as a family, to happy to spend the time with the kids and finding a new enjoyment in seeing thing through their eyes and measuring success, not in horn inches and bag limits, but laughs, memories and experiences, including giant donuts and hot cocoa. It was hard to go from type A to type of dad I want to be remembered for.
When we fish, it’s not for me to catch fish, I am the guide. My job is to make sure the coolers packed with snacks, nobody is uncomfortable and we’re making good memories. One on one time is hard, and I save that for preparing mostly. Buying equipment, rigging tackle, planting food plots. It’s hard to make an older kids sit out on a hunt because they’re older and have done it. Finally to a point my oldest is totally self sufficient where he can head off to a blind for the day in the dark, or I trust him to take the dog out and chase pheasants and ducks while I spend time with his younger brothers.
They’re growing up way too fast and I’m wanting it to slow down after wanting them to not be little for so long.
I just work to be the dad I’d want to have fun with and try to see things through their eyes. Now, we’re crossing into them genuinely wanting to see and know what I know.

[erikm1981]

Father of 4 boys 23, 13, and twin 8yr olds. They all have different personalities but their interest are all the same. I believe it’s because I never gave them the option to be any different. None have been allowed to stay inside while the rest are out working or playing. They have their independence when they get older but during the developmental stages I never allowed them to choose a video game over sports or hunting or fishing or wrestling with a sibling. That’s not to say if given the choice they would’ve we just never gave them the choice. Now it’s never a problem.

one of my twins is much more outgoing and the life of the party the other somewhat quiet, he is much smaller. Just this week a few neighborhood girls came by the house asking to play with mr personality and the runt was going to stay in. I said heck no get your butt out there and mix it up. I watched him sheepishly tip toe down the drive and off he went very reluctantly. I didn’t allow him to make the easy choice and he ended up outside longer than the other playing until dark. It seems like a small decision but if allowed to I believe that insecurity and introvert trait would grow. So I make the decision for him that I know benefits him in the long term. It’s made me not the favorite parent from time to time but as they age both my older children have thanked me many times for it.

It may sound harsh and be an outdated way of parenting but I’ve always been this way during the developmental stages of their life. I think it’s our job to mold them not let them make so many of their own choices until they are capable. My wife and I have each had a big hand in that process and it shows up in a major way as they get older.

[tx_basser]

Have a daughter and son... I did not give them a choice of what they wanted to do or where or how. I decided what we were going to do so I could give my wife a break with no kids in the house. This gave her ample time to do laundry, clean up, go shopping or do whatever. As a result they like to do exactly what I like to do. Hunt, Fish, Golf, Park, etc.

[HunterMatt]

I have 2 boys 10 and 8 and my problem is the one on one time i cant bring one without bring the other. When i do bring only one i just feel like the one that stayed home with mom is missing out so they both go with me never a issues to get them to go they will choose outside with there dad over a tv or tablet

[CEO]

I've got a 20 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. I've raised them both pretty much the same, tougher on my son, but I was tough on my daughter too. Daughter is doing great aside from a complete lack of realizing where money comes from.

Wife was very tough on my daughter. Treats our son like she will be able to cuddle him until he's 50. I'd be a little worried if I wasn't around to make sure he learns how to be a man.

[Hunteraudit]

I'd be a little worried if I wasn't around to make sure he learns how to be a man.

I truly believe this to be a healthy worry and one that is lacking in too many sperm donors.

[Double C]

All kids are different. All people are different. Combination of nature and nurture.

I just try to show up and be present as much as possible for each of them regardless of their interest.

[mikemorvan]

Lots of wisdom already posted. I’ll just say that too many parents want to be friends w/ their kids. Kids will have plenty of friends. They only get one set of parents. Make it count.

Dad’s are typically harder on boys on Mom’s are typically harder on girls. I’ve asked several mom’s and dad’s over the years why that is. They all have the same answer: ‘Because they gotta be tough’. Teach ‘em and train ‘em young.