Elderly Parents?

[bowhntrmatt]

Dave, if 90% of his money is safe, you've done well. If he's able to be so active, you're lucky. I'll tell you, from watching my grandpa, if you take his independence, he'll lose his will to live. If he's that active, let him be. Let him have his lodge, bingo, and senior center days. He can't have many years left. Let him live them on his terms. Reel him in when he can't remember where he was going, when he no longer has a desire for bingo or lodge. Don't break his spirit. He's earned the right to live on his terms. Just my opinion and worth exactly what you paid for it. Congrats on having your parents for so long. Mine are in their 70s and will probably only die if a cruise ship sinks, but I'll be facing the same some day.

This was what I was thinking.

Extend the offer for him to live with you, but only if he wants. He likely won't at first. Take full control of his finances, and lock his credit with all three bureaus so scammers can't run it. Get him a credit card and/or cash allowance for daily expenses. And once everything is protected, let him live his life the way he wants to until he absolutely can't anymore.

[Double R 2]

My folks were 90 & 92 and live 4 doors down from me on purpose. They have been there about 13-14 yrs. About the time Covid came around, we used that as a good opportunity/excuse to have my Mom stop driving. She has glaucoma in one eye and had a few very small fender benders, the police weren't even called but we wanted to end her driving before someone got hurt. My mom hated it at first as it was a big blow to her/their independence.
Fast forward to last year. They both had some dementia but no Alzheimer's. Dad fell one morning in early Feb. last yr and 3 months later were having his funeral. Those 3 months sucked and I will spare you all the details. My Mom didn't want to live there by herself and didn't really want to live with us. She felt like it would cramp our style or be a burden to us. She is more social and we found her an assisted living place about 15 minutes from my house and she is very happy now. Huge adjustment, but she likes it there.
Over the last 3-4 years I have had to make many tough decisions and do a lot of things that I didn't think I would ever have to do. Just think through it and make the best decision you can. Sometime you are going to realize there are no good choices and you have to pick the lesser of 2 bad options. There is no right or wrong on some of the things you maybe faced with. Being a care giver is not easy. I have no regrets so far. I can't stress enough to find some support for yourself. It is good to be able to talk with your spouse, partner, sibling, children, etc., somebody about some of the decisions and situations you may find yourself faced with. Hang in there and my prayers go out to all of you all who are in the thick of it right now.

[Abcdj]

Thanks for the responses, keep them coming. Looks like several people are dealing with it now. I wish you all the best with your situations. Everyone will deal with it at some point.

He isn't being honest with us and that seems to be the part that is bugging me the most. He has always been up front with us till recently, We can't help protect him from himself and his so called "friends" that are calling him wanting things from a distance. I know if we can't protect him over here totally either. If he was being honest with us then I think we might consider leaving him there.

[Bucknaked]

As stated above ! Keep his happiness His happiness .

[brokeno]

If you change his routine he will have a hard time adjusting especially removing his old friends.

[Shane]

You could get him a new phone number, David. That might help for a while, at least.

[Drycreek3189]

Dave, if 90% of his money is safe, you've done well. If he's able to be so active, you're lucky. I'll tell you, from watching my grandpa, if you take his independence, he'll lose his will to live. If he's that active, let him be. Let him have his lodge, bingo, and senior center days. He can't have many years left. Let him live them on his terms. Reel him in when he can't remember where he was going, when he no longer has a desire for bingo or lodge. Don't break his spirit. He's earned the right to live on his terms. Just my opinion and worth exactly what you paid for it. Congrats on having your parents for so long. Mine are in their 70s and will probably only die if a cruise ship sinks, but I'll be facing the same some day.

As a soon to be 77 year old fart, this is the straight skinny. When the time comes when I can no longer do for myself, go hunting or fishing, go to DQ for breakfast, etc. then maybe I’ll change my mind. Right now, I don’t want any special treatment (although I could use a little help now and then).

[ThisLadyHunts]

As a soon to be 77 year old fart, this is the straight skinny. When the time comes when I can no longer do for myself, go hunting or fishing, go to DQ for breakfast, etc. then maybe I’ll change my mind. Right now, I don’t want any special treatment (although I could use a little help now and then).

Oh, please! You are all about being treated special!

[Bill]

They are calling him again. And trying to get him to do something else. Some sorry trash out there.

Have him set up a meeting, and be there with a baseball bat. If nothing else, you can scare the chit outta them. What type of investment that he can't touch the money now?

We 'convinced' our 94 yo mother to go from in-home 24/7 care to an assisted living facility in November. Best decision my 2 brothers and I ever made.

[Hagen]

I pray to god my kids let me life my last days on my terms.

[Drycreek3189]

Oh, please! You are all about being treated special!

I wasn’t including my wife !

[glen]

If he is in good health and active leave him alone or you move closer to him. My kids try and uproot me one day without my consent and I would be ******.

[ThisLadyHunts]

I wasn’t including my wife !

I bet she has her work cut out for her!