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    Tuesday Funny

    I received this in my email today, had to share.

    Don’t know who wrote this but he has a way with words that makes one visualize being right there beside him.* Good read
    *
    Life as a child growing up in Oklahoma ....
    *
    Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little ****** compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down?* Tough “sumbich”.*
    *
    That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place.
    *
    One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether).
    *
    A light bulb went off in my head.
    *
    I grabbed the can and set it on the stump.* I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Lets face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether), really doesn't "sound" flammable.
    *
    So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).
    *
    At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder.*
    *
    My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. pyrodex and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?
    *
    You know what? Screw that I'm going back in the house for the other can, so I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too.* Now we're cookin'.
    *
    I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim.* As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow.* In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH SHOOT! He just got home from work.
    *
    So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can.* My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a *** look in his eyes.*
    *
    I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom.* Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can.* Oh shoot.*
    *
    When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet.* I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fricking decibels of sound.* I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see.* It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two.
    *
    The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE COTTON PICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.
    *
    There was a big sweet gum tree out by the gate going into the pasture.* Notice I said "was".* That sucker got up and ran off.
    *
    So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport, having what I can only assume is, a Vietnam flashback: ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOU'RE BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE. **** IT CEASE FIRE!!!!!
    *
    His hat has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway.* All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard.
    *
    There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.
    *
    I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment.* I don't know - I know I said something.* I couldn't hear.* I couldn't hear inside my own head.*
    *
    I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter.* I don't remember much from this point on.
    *
    I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later* I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea.
    *
    I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR. and Dad screaming "Bring him back to life so I can kill him again". Thanks Mom.
    *
    One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again.
    *
    Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it.* I stepped up to the plate and handled business.
    *
    Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later. I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.
    *
    I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery.* It's good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.
    *
    Author Unknown
    *
    *
    If you don't break out laughing or even smile at some of this, your brain dead!!*

    #2
    Lol

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      #3
      I've read that before and it is still hilarious!!!

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        #4
        great story

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          #5
          Read that before but still funny!!!!

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