need advice- am I being a bad "Dad"

[Russ79]

I am about to lose my mind and I need some help from those who have been down this road. It is coming on Christmas and my wife's son will be graduating from UT Tyler on Dec. 16. My wife wants to buy him a couch for Christmas and I have no problem with that- pretty much everything he has had up to now has been hand me downs. He is fixing to be out in the real world and also claims that he is getting married in April. Now this boy is 23 years old and has never had a job for more than a month in his life. He has never paid a bill and really doesn't know what things cost. He has pretty much gotten anything he wants in his life- his mother will go without things she needs to make sure he gets what he wants. He is spending us into the poor house. This fall semester, so far, he has spent about $2500 in our money- not including credit card charges that we finally stopped him from using. That doesn't include his rent, utilities, or groceries that his mother still goes and buys for him. He barely comes home to visit his mother- been home maybe twice this semester and maybe spent 36 hours each time before he "has to go". Now my wife just calls me and asks me if she buys him an XBox for Christmas should she get the insurance for it. I just about twisted off! She wants to spend $300 for an XBox for him after all he has already spent plus buying a couch for him and not feeling the need to come see his mother. I told her that if she feels the need to spend money on him to get him some nice clothes- he can't go out into the real world wearing shorts and football jerseys every day. I worry that he won't get a job anytime soon after graduation and he is too hard headed to put off getting married and we will be stuck supporting him and/or her for an undetermined amount of time and she is worried that if she doesn't get him everything he wants that he won't love her anymore. Am I being too much of a hard*** for trying to maintain some kind of fiscal responsibility.

[Russ79]

Oh, and he also decided last minute that he did want his class ring, at $1250, and his mother wants us to go to Tyler to find some place to book to hold a graduation dinner/celebration for him. Does the bleeding ever stop???

[Randy]

He has it made in my opinion... I worked my *** off thru college. Didnt get a dime from home.

Hardest part of A&M for me was the living.. school part was easy.

[rjtkdplus]

Good luck with that! Sounds like Mom is on his side and anything you do about it will put you at odds with both of them.

[bowhuntntxn]

they call it tough love for a reason. if ti is a step child there is not much you will be able to do sadly. maybe it is time for a man to man talk with him, and without mom's knowledge.

he will not stop if he is not made to stop. good luck to you sir.

and who at age 23 still needs a dang gum xbox anyways??? he needs a job!!!

[JCB]

NO, you are not being a bad dad........to many kids today have no clue how to survive in the world.......If you and your wife keep paying for his "wants" what will he do when you are not there to do give him what he needs........STAY STRONG, Time for the boy to grow up!

[Speedgoat]

Some things have to come to an end sooner than later. Congrats on graduating, but now he needs to "man" up. Xbox, no. Couch, ok. RIng, half. Wife first, child second. That is the way that things need to be IMO.

[41Chevy]

Does the bleeding ever stop???

No. It's a life sentence.

[Tommy_V]

I'd be on your side. Wow, that kid's got some growing up to do.

[M16]

You have already lost the battle. Get ready for several new sets of feet under your table in the next year or so. You are in for a world of hurt.

[manwitaplan]

He has it made in my opinion... I worked my *** off thru college. Didnt get a dime from home.

Hardest part of A&M for me was the living.. school part was easy.

Never saw it written that way and that is the truth you speak sir. I felt the exact same way.



To the OP - I feel for ya big time. I wish i had more advice that that. But I will watch this thread for some great advice.

[JGreen31]

I'm pretty sure we might be raising the same kid!!!

I finally put my foot down and said I'm bled out!!!! No more!!!

He did end up with a pretty nice job in SA and was somewhat suprised when we quite paying his insurance and CC bill.

[jferg33]

He's a momma's boy and know's how to play her. Good luck!!

[arrowdynamic]

Where's his biological dad in all this? How long have you known him? Will he listen to you?

[bwssr]

sounds like you need to give him some want adds....